DH spent £300 on one gift, now I need to equalise it

[Emvid]

DH and I have 3 children, this year they are all bringing their partners to join us for Christmas. I hadn’t really figured out how much I was going to spend on each child or their partners yet but probably not a lot.
This morning DH proudly showed me a vintage football shirt he’s bought for DDs boyfriend, then told me it was £300!
Now I feel compelled to spend at least that much on our children and similar on our DS’s girlfriends so there are no accusations or favouritism. When I suggested DH return it he said no as he wants to give it to DDs boyfriend and if not for Christmas he will just give it to him for the sake of it.
AIBU to be annoyed he spent this much on one gift without consulting me?

Has he no friends of his own and his own age , so this guy is making an effort and he’s all over come with it or something? It’s very odd behaviour and really inappropriate.

Quite a few according to this thread

Come on, you cant get one person a £300 football shirt another one a Lynx Africa gift set. You don’t need to sit down to work it out to see that one is an expensive gift and the other isn’t.

Obviously people can spend their money on what they want, there’s loads of things people can do, but it’s going to cause problems if you spend much more on one person than another.

It's quite embarrassing of him to go so overboard.
My dd has some vintage football tops from Vinted that didn't cost a fortune though, will any of the others actually know how much it cost?

Thinking about it though, your husband probably won't be able to resist showing off when when he opens it.
"It's a special edition one! Look at the embroidery! I sourced it especially for you!" 😍

Sounds like your DD is appropriately switched on.

Hopefully her response will show him how utterly weird the purchase is.

I get that he liked the shirt and thought his golf buddy, who also happens to be his DDs partner would like it too, but it's just far too expensive a gift unless you have loads of cash and that's your normal gift budget for DC partners.

Until they have been married for at least 10 years!

I’m sure in previous years there have been links on the MN Christmas gift ideas threads to a company that does replica football shirts for a much more reasonable price than buying vintage or ‘authorised’ replicas. Maybe ask on there to see if anyone can remember who the company was and see if they have a much more reasonable priced replica/vintage shirt that costs a sensible amount, then DH can have the pleasure puff giving a thoughtful gift and it won’t be crazy amounts to embarrass everyone or cause you to have to fork out ££££ for everyone else!

The original can go back and then everyone will be happy…

I think I love your DD!!

Dad.. you are crackers.. resell it and buy him some novelty golf club covers..

I think you should tell him he's not giving that for a christmas present, then buy everyone gifts with a much more reasonable budget, and let DH give the BF the football shirt separately, in the new year or something, when your other two kids aren't there. That way only your DD will have to wonder why her dad loves her BF more than her, instead of all three of your children and two of their partners. And it makes it clear it's HIM being weird (if you give it as a christmas present it will be assumed to be at least partly your doing). And of course you'll save a ton of money!

Well not generally, no, but if one person receives something that's clearly very valuable, while other people get things in the £20-£50 range, then you can't help but notice and wonder why.

Well he’s decided to “sell” the shirt to DD so she can give it to her boyfriend, but I just know he’s going to make sure he gets the credit anyway!

Yeah, pretty much this.

I honestly think it is a crazy amount to spend on a present for someone who is not even a family member. I kind of get he thought he might like it but would he appreciate it? I would never imagine a vintage football shirt might cost that much so maybe no one will twig? I am kind of with your DD here in that she obviously thinks he is crazy as you do and it will be a tad embarrassing for the others if they realise the value or even for the boyfriend himself. I would normally spend less on my childrens partners than my children so I would think you need to spend at least £300 now on your children and to equalise even partly you will need to get fairly expensive presents for their partners. As you say though £1800 on Christmas presents would be too much for me even though we can afford it as you can. Does he normally do any Christmas shopping?

Well I guess that is a solution of sorts. Is your DD happy with that?

I have to say I agree with this . Our children are now adults and I’ve never had a set budget for Christmas and never price matched what I’ve bought . Neither of ours would ever think to moan that the other had had more money spent on them as they both get gifts that they like / want .

I think it’s much better coming from DD although it may not be the best situation he’s put her in. What if she had an idea of her own or feels obligated to give her dad much more than she was going to spend?

It’s crazy to spend this on someone who is just a boyfriend and not that long term from what you’ve said.

Im guessing your husband is a football fan?

He is, but he isn’t as into football memorabilia so the vintage shirts he owns are only the ones he bought new at the time (and don’t really fit now!). I think he is just enjoying bonding with DDs boyfriend which is fine and lovely but £300 is excessive!

I think it's odd to be comparing price of gifts as an adult. It's normal to not spend the exact amount- it's the thought behind a present rather than than the amount and that means inevitably that they'll cost different amounts. As long as it's a different person getting the most spenny gift each year I don't see an issue.

Surely the recipient will be embarrassed by such OTT behaviour from his girlfriends Dad, whatever they bring will pale in comparison.

Just seen the update, still, his behaviour is odd enough to generate comment from the boyfriend

I wouldn’t even spend £300 on my own adult child for Christmas let alone their partner.

No one else will know it cost £300. Most people will think football shirt 50ish quid.
I would just buy whatever you had planned before this purchase.

Good solution for you - although to be quite honest, I have never spent that on any boyfriend or even my husband! But if she's happy and can afford that amount then great!

I don't know anything about vintage shirts but a few posters have suggested they don't always cost that much.

I assume you don't tell everyone how much you spend on them. Would the untrained eyes of the rest of the children and partners just assume it was maybe £50-60 shirt and not notice. If the boyfriend exclaims how valuable it is can you feign surprise and say 'wow, we got lucky there then' laugh it off and crack on with Christmas?