To consider Only Fans

[Daydreamnotbeliever]

So for background im a single parent of 3. 2 uni age kids, one older but has additional needs. All 3 live with me still. Im supporting all 3 more or less full. Their father is no contact and has been for over a decade.

I work full time and earn a salary of £40k. Which on paper is ok. In reality, more or less funding 4 adults, not so much. The kids contribute what they can. They pay for their own items. My eldest works part time which is about as much as he can manage. But its not enough. My wage doesnt stretch far enough. I run out of money every month. Theres rent bills heating food etc all falls on me and i cant survive. Theres no luxuries. No fun. No anything. When they move out ill manage but at the minute its impossible. And i cant expect them to contribute more. The eldest doesnt have the capacity and the other two need uni to be the priority they are both doing courses that are intense and do a lot of work outside of lectures.

Im single. However. I have a friend who i hook up with. Its safe. Hes safe. But i have no desire to live with someone and share a life. We date, kinda, go out for drinks sometimes or the cinema, hook up, and have fun.

The idea is he manages an account i make. He makes vids, edits, promotes, markets etc. I do the chats, conversations etc in the eve. We split anything earned, more to me. My suggestion not his. All my idea.

i know its not guaranteed money, infact the opposite, it takes a lot of effort to make something. He has the time to market etc. i dont. It would be faceless. I wouldnt put my face out there. But pretty much anything else goes.

I just cant manage at the minute. Earning more in my role is impossible at the moment. Theres no second jobs i can do. No local bar work. I dont drive. I have no “talents” for an etsy side hustle. I dont have the money to buy equipment to start a printing side hustle or something. I dont have the time for much around my job at the moment. Theres just not other way to make money. Im out of idea and i need to make a few hundred a month to keep my head above water now im funding 4 adults alone pretty much.

The concern is obviously my kids, even though they are all adults. We are a pretty liberal open family and discuss anything and everything. Id probably tell them, but its still a worry.

Would you do it? Could you do it? Have you done it? Can you suggest an alternative?

Talk to your manager and if necessary put in a formal flexible working request - explain that you need to have a firmer schedule so that you can fit in a weekend job. Then get a weekend job. Really think about how to save money on food - cutting out any ready meals and luxuries, and focusing on cheap and healthy batch buying and cooking. Help your children to get work in the holidays, and ask them to pay you for food at least during the holidays. Think through all the options for doing a part time gig online (not pornography).

Those posting, who do not have uni age children, will not realise that what is missing from the OP is exactly how much her two uni students are getting as gov maintenance loans.

In a household earning £60k a year for the 25/26 academic year, each child is entitled to £3,907 ie £7,614 tax free for the two. But since the op is earning £40k, her children would be entitled to even more than £7,614 plus they have part-time jobs.

Op you have never said how much your kids get - you have implied it’s not much but I can’t see how that is true.

That said, if you are going in your mind “I don’t like my current job and think only fans is an easier and better one of making money” then go for it if that’s what you want to do. But don’t put this on your children that your biggest expense is food because you could ask them to contribute. If your kids at uni are not spending most of their maintenance loans on food - what are they spending it on?

It’s on the first line of the table on the government website - min maintenance loan for students living at home is £3907 each year per student.

And that min maintenance loan is for kids whose parent/s earn £60k per year or more.

Kids whose parent/s earn £40k would get much more than £3907 per year as the highest loan paid is £8877 per student per year. So ops kids are entitled to somewhere between £3907 and £8877 each per year and the one in their final year has presumably being getting the loan for a few years.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/tuition-fees-and-student-support-2025-to-2026-academic-year/support-with-living-costs-2025-to-2026-academic-yearon

Maybe when it first started you could have earned something but someone older who is faceless isn’t going to go far. It’s so oversaturated, I’d look for something else.

You just tell your kids how much you expect them to contribute per week/month and they use their loan/wages to give it to you. Obviously a reasonable amount.

You are not being an unreasonable parent if you do that.

There are two ways to tackle this sort of situation: one is to increase income, the other is to reduce outgoings. You need a plan, and ideally not one where pornographic images follow you around for the rest of your life.

1. Family meeting, everyone together. I know that the children are aware of the situation, but how can you make savings as a household? What can everyone contribute? In these situations every penny counts. My suggestions are obviously random and I dont' know how you houehold runs - I'm just throwing things out there to give examples. So - stop using the tumble dryer and swap to using a dehumidifier to dry clothes? Change your current bank account to one that gives you a bonus for joining? Use tooGoodToGo for cheap groceries and treats? The children can pick them up! I make my own butter nowadays, its more than £1 cheaper to make than buy and literally takes 10 minutes with an electric mixer. Swap to an electricity supplier that gives you half price or free electricity at certain times. Less meat, veggie curries and stews batch cooked. The children work 1 hour extra a week each and put that into the communal pot. Routinely use cashback sites. Make a plan together.
2. Advice re benefits and career support for your eldest. I'm very out of touch - I've never really dealt with PIP - but specialist benefit advice, if you haven't already had it, might help, at least you would be really sure you've looked at all options.
3. Increasing income - when I need to do this in a pinch care work is good. Zero hours contracts, so you only work when you can. Lots of the work is early morning/late evening/weekends - and if you can only work some weekends, thats fine, and the rotas are only really done a week ahead. Not a huge hourly rate but a good option. Secret shopper jobs as well - it doesn't pay well but you choose your jobs and get to keep what you buy. I don't know what your degree is in, or your other skills, but on line tutoring? Focus groups?

You are doing amazingly well. Just sit down and think it all through. I know its hard ot carve out the time but this is a real priority. Good luck.

Prostitution is a grim way to earn money OP and it leaves lasting scars. Not to mention the example you'd be setting to your children.

Also, your friend with benefits sounds a bit pimpy...

@Daydreamnotbeliever Don't bank on remaining anonymous. One, the other guy will possess the unedited originals. Two, AI will become more able to trawl unrelated information from multiple sources and piece together elements and metadata to identify you (a bit like the way DNA became able to solve cold criminal cases).

Get your kids to pay! I’m sorry but with your salary they must get some form is student loans! Which is for living, I’d never let my mother whore herself out if I had money. If you need a couple £100 charge them that! I’m sure they would be happy to pay rather than you sell yourself.

You are big extremely naive. What makes you think you can make lots of money in MN ?

This kind of comment is just ridiculous!

It's like saying to a nurse "oh just leave and get a better paid job doing something else" - oh, like take my 30 years of only doing something specific like nursing and just walk into a massive salary at a finance firm or something 🙄🙄

Are you aware of needing experience for well paid roles?? Delusional

How much do they give you? Do they not give you anything and have room and board for free and have their loans and wages all to themselves?

I worked, took maximum loan, paid my student rent and food myself and still managed to have a blast and get a good degree from a top university.

I can well afford for my kids to not have to work through university, but there is no way I’ll be fully funding them. I will expect them to get jobs and loans and work hard in order to play hard.

Your adult children need to be contributing more towards the house hold end of.

Being supported through uni is a privilege not a right. They should either have student loans or should be working more hours.

Sorry you're in this situation OP. It must be incredibly tough to get to a stage where you are considering prostitution to support your BF and your kids...

I wouldn't, the majority of fans are freaking weird, they'll have extreme requests.
Can the older children work?

OP,
while I agree that OF is a bad idea, I think you are getting a really hard time here with judgement you don’t deserve.

you have managed to leave a shitty husband, and rebuilt your life. Working incredibly hard to get qualified, while working, while being a single mum to three, one with special needs. You’ve done everything you can to pursue cms , but their dad is a loser. You have worked your way up to a good wage, and you clearly would do anything for your children and are managing to build a better life for them than you had. So first thing to say, is bloody well done! Really, truly- you shouldn’t have had to labour that hard, but you’ve carried and continue to carry the burdens of building a decent life, all on your own. For yourself and your kids. I admire you and I hope you give yourself huge kudos. I know it’s hard when you are still struggling - and can imagine it is very depressing when you have reached a level of professional success you had been dreaming of for so long, and it still turns out to be a struggle. But I hope you can still pause and give yourself a pat on the back.

second thing to say, is that there is reason to believe this will get significantly better within 1-3 years, when your kids graduate. So you don’t want to do anything now that alters/risks everything you have built for a situation that could be easing within a year when your DC2 graduates. I wonder if you are experiencing that specific fatigue when you are approaching the top of the mountain… you thought you were done, but you realise there are two hills still to go…. Your energy is spent, but you are still not where you thought you were going to be. This does not mean you can’t make it.

for now, I think you DO need to be clearer with your kids that they need to do a little more. If each of the younger two kids worked 2 hrs a week more, and contributed that, you’d have those crucial £150-200 a month to tide you over until DC2 graduates. That’s nothing for them!

you say you don’t want them to have the experience you had at uni. They are sooo far from that. They have you supporting them. They don’t have children to look after them, and they aren’t even close to 30 hrs a week work like you did. The amount you are asking of them will do nothing but build a little resilience and start training them for the real world - probably also actually build their pride and self esteem. You need to tell them you need 8hrs a month additional work from them that contributes directly to their own food costs. They can either take over their own food costs directly (make this simple by each of them buying the family weekly shop once a month) or give you that money to do it. It can come out of their current disposable income or come from an extra shift a month. If DC2 is heading for final exams, and you are able to, you can agree that can be a debt to be repaid once they finish those exams, but their obligation starts next month. They can pick up some overtime over Christmas.

you have done amazingly well carrying every burden for their sakes up until now. But don’t fall into being a sacrificial lamb/ permanent rescuer. Your job as parent is different now- it’s to ease them into adulthood, guiding them to be able to work and push themselves to meet a fair proportion of their own costs. And not to rest too much on other people’s labour. Give them the skills to build toward the self sufficiency you have demonstrated in spades already. That is a gift of love.

well done and good luck with the next phase- it will get easier. Xx

Why have you just completely written off weekend work? You have decided it’s not possible and that’s that. The hospitality sector is crying out for staff, you just explain that your weekend availability doesn’t fall on the same weekend every month. Your uni aged adults should be paying their way too. You think you’re giving them a carefree, fun time with their mates but you’re not teaching them financial responsibility and that is just as vital

You won’t make much without showing your face. You’re far better off just getting a second part -time job… 10 hours per week on NLW would get you anout £500 extra per month.

It's shit that you're in this situation, the COL has skyrocketed, we're both working and find it difficult to get from month to month, some bloody extra expenses always pop up.
Things will get easier.
Desperate times make people seek desperate measures.
The family needs to pull together and add to the pot.
Best of luck.

I also agree in your case that it might be the 'little things' that can help - and the food & energy bills are the one place you can have control over. Are you claiming everything that you are entitled to? I would contact CAB for a review and to also get a referral to a community pantry / food bank.

Where do you shop? Do you maximise the use of the Apps & deals?? Eg. we particularly find the nectar and lidl apps the best - have them / accounts on both your phone & another of your children. Then you can get 2 x free veg a month for a £50 spend each - that's 2 x 7.5kg bags of potatoes for free.

Nectar apps x 2 for your own prices (at least 20% off) plus extra points on top. We switch between the two apps and maximise the two sets of deals (and the price match aldi). This even applies on their value stuff. Plus points challenges to earn even more.

Yellow-sticker items near work / on your way home. We pay 20p for a loaf of good bread max. and freeze. Also, does your employer offer an employee discount scheme (or blue light card etc) where you can buy gift cards at discount- I keep ones for all the places I shop at on my phone. Farmfoods & Heron Foods are also excellent for bargains on quality items. I prob save / make £150-200 a month by doing all of the above and knowing my prices.

OP, another thing - how on earth can you trust your male friend? You were married to someone who let you down badly. What does this other person owe you? Even if he doesn't treat you badly, he could suddenly end the relationship and your planned project.

You are making yourself very, very vulnerable.

More than that, it will not work. There isn't a guaranteed income stream.

Life is tough, yes, but you can manage.

I do understand that the labour market is very tough and costs so very high at the moment. Your primary obligation is to keep yourself. You have educated your children to a point where they can keep themselves.

If your eldest really can't work enough to keep himself, then he is entitled to benefits which will make a meaningful difference.

I agree £40k is not enough to keep 4 adults. Sadly it's not how wages get determined - and it's not a bad salary to keep yourself with.

What is the combined household income? Where is the money going, precisely? You need to make a combined budget, to see where and why you are spreading yourself so thin.

A good friend wouldn't suggest this.
Sounds like a creep.

If anyone's going to do well on Only Fans, it's going to be a uni-aged adult, not a mum-of-three.

If that thought is horrifying, well, you now know how they would feel if their mum was on there, and you also know it's entirely unreasonable to expect someone to reluctantly put themselves on Only Fans to support you.

You say you don't want your children to have to work more... but why is it a bad thing?

As a graduate employer, I bin the CVs of students with good degrees who did nothing but study. The ones who worked to support themselves? They get to the to the top of the list, as they show grit, determination and an ability to juggle priorities.

Asking your two adult children without special needs to pull their weight financially is not a bad thing. It'll take the pressure off, and it'll help them get a better job in the long run.

Not sure if anyone else has suggested it but you might want to post on the money board with a breakdown of your outgoings to see if there are any savings to be made. Or money saving expert
E.g paying any insurance monthly is basically an expensive loan which costs more than paying annually, so if you don't have the money up front then get an a credit card which is interest free on purchases which you then pay off monthly but saving the interest.

To be blunt OP if you are old enough to have uni age children you are not going to be able to compete with the young perky 20 year olds already on OF. Add to that no face and you just won’t be getting the subscribers it’s not going to make you any money.