To think ds has adhd

[tickclocktock]

I’ve tried to convince myself he hasn’t but I kind of think he must …

He’s 5. Been at school today. After dinner I put the TV on.

Ds just … won’t sit down. He endlessly circles the room, relocating toys from one part of the house to another, standing right in front of the tv, scraping his chair across the floor, climbing on the back of the sofa. Just will not sit down.

Obviously I tell him not to but he ignores me. Or does it then moves back.

I am stressed out with constantly nagging him; our relationship is poor as a result.

I don’t know what next steps are.

Did he get much exercise at school? Kids need to burn off energy somehow.

I think so … but tbh no matter how much exercise he gets he seems to just restlessly endlessly move.

Maybe I am overreacting.

When I was pregnant with DD, I was gifted a book by Christopher Green (or something similar).
The first page of the book was : you will spend the two first years of your child’s life teaching them to walk and talk, and the following 10, to sit down and shut up.

You have a child. Boys are like puppies. They are very active.

its not just that … it’s the not listening or engaging.

I think at this age its just to young to tell. 5 year olds especially boys don't sit still and aren't the best listeners

He ignores you when you tell him not to do something…. that’s again quite normal. Kids have their own will and very seldom do they surrender their will to do what they are told to you.
Take him to the park after school and put in place a routine. You need structure, like at school and rules. For example, when you arrive home, you wash hands, sit down for a small snack, then he can play with toys, and he is not allowed to climb on any furniture or jump from it.
If he moves around when TV is on, turn it off, and grab a book

Speak to the school and ask if they have seen any signs.

Our school wouldn’t refer until 6 yrs old but started gathering evidence before hand.

Our consultant said that school teachers are very good at spotting ND in students. The school can also put support in place without a diagnosis if needed.

This would be fair if he was my only child … my other child wanted to watch a bit of TV, obviously I don’t mind if ds doesn’t but the endless restless moving and obscuring it are frustrating.

We have an amber weather warning today so prob not the best day for park visits. He isn’t allowed to jump on the furniture but ignores instructions to stop.

It's very young to tell, these are just 5yo behaviours.

However regardless of him having it or not, you're clearly struggling with his behaviour, so you need to find some strategies, because a diagnosis isn’t going to change anything anyway (3 of my dc are autistic).

The nagging isnt working and is making you feel crap, so things like reward charts, having lists so he knows what he needs to do and when, joining clubs (martial arts made a huge difference to 2 of my dc). Giving him time warnings so you need to do X in 5 minutes, now 3 minutes, now 1 minute etc.

Have a look at sensory seating, so there are sort of pod chairs that are good, or you can get spinning chairs that are also brilliant.

Don't have all of his toys out, put the cars out for a couple of days then swap them for dinosaurs, give him options at the start of the day, sometimes too much choice is hard and they do get destructive.

Fidget toys are also good, there are loads of different types and they really help with focus.

Make a list of all the things that aren't working, and then research advice and work through the answers for solutions.

And how do you parent and discipline him when he keeps jumping on furniture? If there are no consequences, there is no incentive to change.

Thanks. I’ve tried rotating toys but honestly I’m rubbish at it, just forget where I’ve put things. He doesn’t really respond to reward charts etc, I am running out of things that will work.

I really hope he doesn’t have adhd … just seems so different to my other child, not saying he hasn’t got good qualities but the fact he can’t seem to be still for a moment, even if he does sit down he’s kicking, swinging, fidgeting. Just constant,

Consequences massively escalate the situation and he becomes very angry and unmanageable to be honest.

Hi OP. My son has ADHD. He's 8. Like you, I had niggling worries from about the age of 4. A lot of the behaviours were borderline normal for his age up until he turned 6. From then, I noticed other kids his age began to get better at things he didn't, mainly emotional control but also things like ability to sit still and focus, understanding of time. All of a sudden that year, all of his traits started to accelerate and by the time he was 7 he was clearly quite different and was put on the send register. He was diagnosed with ADHD just after his 8th birthday and we are about to be assessed for autism as well.

Honestly, I would speak to the school to find out what they're seeing, make sure he has plenty of opportunity to burn off excess energy and other than that watch and wait. If he is neurodivergent it will reveal itself more and more in the next few years. He may also grow out of what is just a developmental stage.

Thank you. School haven’t mentioned anything but he is still only in reception so very early days. I don’t want to jump the gun but I am finding him wearing and exhausting just at the moment.

My DC2's school put me off the scent. I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what. I had a long chat with the school counsellor and and we agreed that she would get DC2 to answer loads of screener questionnaires for a number of neurodivergent and mental health conditions. The results of all screeners were normal. That was at age 17. By 20, DC2 had diagnoses for ADHD, autism and dyslexia. The school didn't pick up on any of this, not even the dyslexia. I did ask the dyslexia assessor how the school could have missed it and she said that very bright children can usually pass the tests that schools administer for dyslexia. I asked the ADHD doctor about how the school would have missed the ADHD and autism and she said much the same thing plus DC2 is also not very self-aware.

2 ADHD DC here. Might be ADHD (though at 5 it could be in normal range).

Honestly I’d just got used to the fact they are like this. There’s no point trying to get them to sit down quietly. Find ways to channel their activity levels but also accept they need to move!

One of mine in particular dances around all evening, it’s how he winds down. I just let him crack on with it. We have a few rules (I won’t have them climbing over the bannisters, on certain furniture, or things that are dangerous/likely to break stuff) but otherwise they are bounding about.

Inattentive/focus issues are more of an issue with one than the other - he needs lots of checklists, reminders, optimal conditions for focus on work.

It's way too soon to know if that's ADHD or just boredom. Some kids like to relax after school with some TV. Some need to be running around park, bikes, trampoline etc. and aren't interested in screens. I say that as someone with a diagnosed ADHDer.

Yabu to consider adhd without trying exercise first. He's presumably sitting down much of the day at school and so probably needs to be moving. A mini trampoline or something similar would be great for rainy days.

ADHD is very treatable. The medications have been around for decades and are very effective. I was recently diagnosed myself and the difference is amazing.

My DC2 who is a young adult also has ADHD. For people in my generation (late 50s) it seems to be sneered at I'm often asked why I wanted a label..... well it is a significant diagnosis and the treatment has changed my life for the better, so why wouldn't I get the diagnosis?

DC2's generation sees no stigma in it at all. In fact, it was their uni friends who convinced them to ask for a diagnosis.

It sounds like you need to adjust your expectations of him. Whether it’s ADHD or not. Constantly going into battle over behaviours like fidgeting is just going to be exhausting and frustrating for you both.

Don’t

Sorry, but it’s laughable all this blind trust in schools picking these things up. Maybe where the child is disruptive, yes, otherwise many cases get missed. It’s not school’s fault, they don’t have the time or resources, but people need to stop dismissing your perfectly valid concerns. Trust your gut OP, it’s telling you something.

Some kids are just like that, doesnt mean adhd, its to soon to tell. Take him out for a walk.

I think you need to reframe your thinking. Rather than thinking about what you don’t want him to do, think about what he needs. He needs to jump about…so what can he jump about on? We have a mini trampoline, balance board and an exercise ball which are all great for letting out physical energy at home. IKEA sell gym-style mats.

These links might help:

www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/adhd/Pages/Early-Warning-Signs-of-ADHD.aspx

www.cdc.gov/adhd/signs-symptoms/index.html

www.kennedykrieger.org/stories/Is-it-adhd-or-typical-toddler-behavior-ten-early-signs-adhd-risk-preschool-age-children

Thanks. I don’t mind him relaxing in his own way, just frustrating he doesn’t do as he’s told (I don’t expect one instruction and that’s it but no matter what it doesn’t go in.)

Yes but you have to understand he has to be inside sometimes? And he does have these things and rarely uses them. Just doesn’t seem interested.