To think ds has adhd

[tickclocktock]

I’ve tried to convince myself he hasn’t but I kind of think he must …

He’s 5. Been at school today. After dinner I put the TV on.

Ds just … won’t sit down. He endlessly circles the room, relocating toys from one part of the house to another, standing right in front of the tv, scraping his chair across the floor, climbing on the back of the sofa. Just will not sit down.

Obviously I tell him not to but he ignores me. Or does it then moves back.

I am stressed out with constantly nagging him; our relationship is poor as a result.

I don’t know what next steps are.

How much exercise does he get? Because my son who has ADHD needs 3 hours solid exercise daily to be able to sit down. Even then he won't sit in a seat, he's currently lounging on a beanbag under a weighted blanket but he first launched himself onto the beanbag 7/8 times from the sofa before settling. And that's after all day at school and 3 hours at after school where he runs round the sports hall at speed the entire time.

There’s a massive amount more to ADHD than that. It’s the fact it’s so misunderstood that causes a lot of the negativity towards it.

Most children can’t be assessed at five because normal behaviour is similar.

Don’t worry if it is ADHD because if it is you are going to find out younger.
I am in my forties going through assessments for autism and adhd. As a girl in the 80’s it wasn’t recognised the same as today - I was forever in hospital for doing crazy stunts - it was put down to there only being boys on my street (even though I was more daring than the lot of them!)
my first nursery report said I was a whirlwind.
from primary one all my school reports said I had a tendency to zone out, was in world of my own - was unfocused and slow at doing ny work - they just decided I was tired and kept sending me to nurse resulting in my parents sending me to bed ridiculously early.
I could go on but things being attributed to other things well I never understood myself and my mental health has suffered as a result. But this time round is different because the GP recommended I look into testing for being on spectrum etc and suddenly everything starts to make sense and I am feeling much better within myself.
so don’t worry if it is even if it is to early to tell. Try and figure out ways he can be energetic int the house. Because if it is then knowing and understanding is much better.

pS - th heath visitor was round the other day and noticed my LO has some treats but he’s only 3 so she wants to check in every 6 months and see how he’s doing.

pps. I accidently hit send earlier when I only tried one word lol

I would say he gets plenty. To be honest the more exercise he gets the more energy he seems to have. I can accept he’s been cooped up more than normal today because of the weather but this kind of is his normal. And it might be totally normal. But my other, younger child will sit quietly no problem.

Yep my youngest sits happily regardless, always has, benefits from exercise but copes grand without.

I'd say if he can't sit down and settle he's not getting enough exercise and sensory input to meet his needs. We go trampolining or for long dog walks in the rain, or swimming or SOMETHING for around 3 hours every day or my son genuinely can't sit down. I'd up his exercise significantly and consistently first and see how he fares.

It might be his normal but it doesn't mean it's meeting his needs

OK but I can’t have him out running marathons after school. I realise it sounds like I’m being argumentative and I’m not but I do have to be practical here.

Last week ds had an inset day and he was out all day, cycling in the forest then swimming and then to a bonfire on a farm in the evening. He still kept charging off and showing no signs of tiring, the opposite really. As much as I’d love to say my life can be totally devoted to just running round before and after school the blunt truth is it can’t.

Zoomies

My hyperactive ADHD DS is like this - I know he is tired when he is bouncing off the walls.

How is his sleep?

I say pick your battles. So what if he moves toys from one area to another. If it really bothers you, just before bedtime, everyone tidies up and puts things back. And that means everyone, not just him.

So what if he climbs on the back of the sofa. Does it matter? I'm sure he won't still be doing it when he's 18.

I think there's no point making life more stressful than it needs to be. Let some things go.

The blunt truth is the reality of having a neurodivergent child is a massive burden on your day to day life and you have to find a way to accommodate your child’s needs.

He always used to sleep well but lately he’s been spending a bit longer than normal to actually go to sleep although he does sleep well once he falls asleep. I know a lot worse though! It’s really the sort of endless restlessness that worries me and the absolute seeming inability to listen to a word I say.

Neither can mine, but it has to be or he doesn't cope with life. Maybe your child is actually a lot more chilled than mine because I couldn't pick him up at 3 and just bring him home and expect him to sit on the sofa. Even with a switch or tablet I'd get 20/30 minutes before he was causing havoc.

Days I pick him up we either go straight to the park for 2 hours or straight to trampolining or softplay if the weather is really abysmal. He'd happily run round a park in -10 in a storm but his sister is not at all happy with that 😂

An ADHD diagnosis helps if you require medication. Also for adjustments at school/work. Me and DD are diagnosed with ADHD.

There is no way that I can be outside running round for three hours after work / school in the middle of an amber weather warning with two very young children. I’m sorry if by saying so you think I’m not meeting DS’s needs. Equally you could argue I wouldn’t be meeting my other child’s needs by doing so.

If he had adhd, what would you do differently? Would you stop ‘nagging’ / teaching what is appropriate, when? Would you go the medication route at such a young age?

I have personally made peace with the fact my child may have it. I am focused on his specific needs - does he need special support at school, if he did I’d be speaking to the teacher to sort that as and when; does he need to decompress after school by constant movement/ silly singing - I’ll give him the space and time…
Two children with ad(h)d can be very different to each other - I think focusing on specific child and specific needs is all you can do.

Try to see the behaviour as it is today not what it may be. So, he is showing traits of Adhd now,and its becoming a problem now. Then the best you can do is parent or manage him as if he has Adhd. There are lots of resources out there so do some reading and see what fits. You'll find most strategies for helping neuro divergent children are actually really helpful with regular kids too, they just are not sought out because they are not needed. Whether he is diagnosed or not in the future you need some guidance. A private OT appointment would be ideal if you can get or afford one. They will give you strategies specific to him.

I don’t know @username2373 . I just always veer with ds between thinking he’s a totally normal child and thinking he’s not quite right … it’s hard. I don’t want to involve the teacher, especially not at this early stage of things. My main worry is it’s me, it’s my parenting. I guess if it is adhd (and it’s a big if) it kind of absolves me from blame in a way!

The being hyped up, we need to get the energy out and then a calming activity to bring him back to baseline. It's a constant trial and error to get to the best management. It does work though. Before we did that we had meltdowns and violent outbursts and no sleep until midnight

@Barnbrack i think we’d better move on. It isn’t practical for us at this time. We do plenty but at the end of the day it’s dark by 430 and the children need to eat and sleep, not be running round a dark field or something. I’m sorry that’s clearly not the response you want but I have to acknowledge my own limitations here and say it is not possible.

Schools don't require a diagnosis for adjustments, and given the ops description of him and the fact the school haven't brought up concerns it's very unlikely they will put this 5yo on medication.

He's too young to tell yet. School are unlikely to say anything at his age, unless it's really debilitating and affecting his education - they're not really allowed to until they're a bit older because it's so common for young children to be restless, and children do tend to calm down a bit as they get older. But you can use ADHD-friendly strategies to help. There's lots of stuff on Instagram if you want to start investigating.

Mine was like this. Still is really, he moves constantly and does get told off at school for it (though has a much more experienced teacher this year than last, who says he's listening and taking everything in so she just puts him on the edge of the class so he can't disturb anyone else). He's now nearly 7 and school say it's still too early to tell. He has definitely calmed down a bit in the last six months, so hopefully that will continue. But at 5 he was a whirlwind. (I suspect he does have ADHD but not to an extent that will affect his education).

@tickclocktock I know exactly what you mean about absolving. Pls know you are doing nothing 'wrong', but you may need to adapt to meet his needs and that's just the way it is. You are seeking help aren't you, that's what a good parent does.

Thanks. I do think the weather isn’t helping. And certainly he is better outside. I just do fret about him, he seems so difficult at the moment.

Yes, my son is like this. He gets completely hyper in the evenings, especially after a big day out - it's manic rather than just energetic. The only thing that keeps him still is playing computer games... so I let him play computer games. 10 minutes of a simple platform game or Tetris and he's calmed down enough to get ready for bed.

Possibly not brilliant parenting, but you have to do what works.