To think ds has adhd

[tickclocktock]

I’ve tried to convince myself he hasn’t but I kind of think he must …

He’s 5. Been at school today. After dinner I put the TV on.

Ds just … won’t sit down. He endlessly circles the room, relocating toys from one part of the house to another, standing right in front of the tv, scraping his chair across the floor, climbing on the back of the sofa. Just will not sit down.

Obviously I tell him not to but he ignores me. Or does it then moves back.

I am stressed out with constantly nagging him; our relationship is poor as a result.

I don’t know what next steps are.

It's definitely hard! Look for trampoline clubs etc with monthly unlimited memberships, made a world of difference for us. And I have a neurotypical daughter who loves a quiet life so I get the juggle

You don't need to run round a field, a long walk does the trick. It isn't practical for us either but we have to do it. It means we take a kid who can't cope or sit down and turn him into a child who is politely engaged at school and doing well academically. When we've had to ease up.on exercise (like after he had his to sils out) were quickly reminded why we can't let up on the exercise.

Hea currently using cardboard to build himself a Minecraft mansion in the living room. He'll be up to midnight likely to ight despite a screen free wind down. Solid bedtime routine and support from us to get to sleep. He has melatonin 5 days a week but Friday Saturday he doesn't to stop him building a tolerance.

If your child isn't to these extremes he may just be a normally energetic 5 yr old

Other than the restlessness (and aggravation caused by trying to control it), what difficulties are you having?

A lot of parenting is trial and error. Despite the fact both my DS have ADHD they are chalk and cheese in many ways and I have to parent them in different ways and have different expectations of them both. So regardless of whether he has ADHD or not there isn’t a single “ADHD way” - there’s loads of tools in toolkit, you will find the right ones for your unique child.

Trust your gut OP, it’s telling you something.

This. You are Mum OP, you know your child better than anyone else. You know whether he's just a busy, active kid or whether there is likely to be something else.

We absolutely knew that my son had ADHD by the time he was in reception - it helped that the school could see the same things that we could and were on the same page. We were able to get an early diagnosis and whilst that's not a magic bullet it at least means that you can adapt your thinking and your parenting.

You know best OP!

My 4.5yo son is similar. Even when sitting down, he’s never really still. Always trying to kneel on the chair or play with something or poke someone. I think, in his case, it’s just the high energy end of normal little boy behaviour, but I have moments where I wonder. Actually, reading this thread makes me wonder whether I’m ignoring things! If he’s interested in something (mainly Lego or building something) he can focus on it for ages. But is apparently quite distracted in class (reception) despite absorbing all of the information. He walks to and from school every day and has always needed loads of activity. I will keep an eye on things.

I remember thinking like that but the problem is it doesn't absolve you, not if you manage it well because what it actually does is guides you towards the fact your child has additional needs and it's your responsibility to meet them. Therefore your responsibility in the situation actually INCREASES

As I sit here one of my ADHD boys has just whooshed into the room cartwheeling his arms around, somersaulted across the carpet and whooshed back out again. Normal evening!

Everyone on MN will jump on you with this thread title and insist he couldn't possibly have ADHD, it's just how AIBU goes.

The constant, constant, LITERALLY CONSTANT movement of an ADHD child is something else. The way you describe it makes me think of that. I think this is what they mean with that line in the DSM that says the child "appears as though they are driven by a motor". Because they just don't stop in the way that most children do periodically.

It's the same IME with the "Child does not seem to be able to play quietly" or "Child leaves their seat" or "Runs and climbs excessively". They all sound like things children normally do, except if you are looking at a group of children and one of them is doing these things significantly more, it stands out as obvious, and that's why they are used as the screening questions.

Five isn't massively too early for diagnosis. And it is unlikely you would get an appointment next week anyway, it will more likely be over a year away. Schools are not trained in how to spot every possible disorder. I would check if you can self-refer for assessment in your area. If not, make an appointment with the GP and/or school SENCo.

Tiring him out won't necessarily work - yes it won't be great if he's not getting enough physical exercise, but at the same time that doesn't always solve it especially if they are sensory seeking. You might find it helpful to try and learn about sensory processing/sensory seeking in particular. I have heard good things about a book called The Out Of Sync Child.

This is the pathways for child assessment/diagnosis. https://adhduk.co.uk/adhd-diagnosis-pathways-children/

You could print this and take it filled in to the appointment. https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk/images/forms/SNAP_IV__Teacher_and_parent_rating_scale.pdf

I have one small gripe with the wording of those screening questionnaires - I wish instead of sticking "often" in front of every single thing, which people usually find confusing, they would just write the description of the behaviour and then change the boxes to "No/doesn't do this" "sometimes/a normal amount" "much more than other children their age" "ALL THE BLOODY TIME"

I feel the scoring would be much more accurate

This is true but at least (in theory) you can start doing the right things. Rather than trying to do the things that seem to work for everyone else and wondering what you are getting wrong about them. Progress is slower, but it is incredibly satisfying to see them make progress.

He can be quite aggrsssive and argumentative @battenburgbaby . that’s getting harder as he gets older. Just can’t seem to follow the most reasonable, nicely phrased instruction / request. Like I asked him to please just keep his voice down as sister is trying to sleep … apparently can’t / won’t. Can’t / won’t not stand in front of the TV when someone is watching it. Etc.

Tiring him out doesn’t work @BertieBotts , you’re right. Everyone else just ends up stressed and exhausted if we try.

Oh I totally agree, it's been an absolute godsend but it's a mindset shift from 'he has ADHD nothing I can do' to 'here is how I will parent my child with ADHD to try to help him meet his potential and improve his and therefore our lives'

This is kind of where I’m at. I used to think he was just an energetic little boy but I don’t know. That questionnaire Bertie posted does have me really worried in fact.

So I'm not saying your child is neurodivergent, although he sounds a lot like my DS who is diagnosed with ASD and on the ADHD pathway, but every child, in fact, every person has sensory needs whether they're ND or not.

It really sounds like your son is a vestibular and proprioceptive sensory seeker, and you might want to follow up with an ADHD diagnosis, but there are still things you can do to meet those sensory needs.

We have a small indoor trampoline that we have to redirect DS to when he is bouncing all over the furniture, and it is never just a tell him once and it's done, it is a relentless telling over and over again if you want to bounce, you must get on the trampoline.

The thing is the weather is the weather and this is Britain and you just have to make do with what you can in the meantime as the wet and cold months set in.

With ADHD you obviously have the dopamine seeking behaviours too but if you can get that same reward feeling jumping on a trampoline rather than the sofa or in front of the TV where everybody is trying to watch something, then a win is a win.

The thing is it’s not like you could go to soft play for two hours then go home and it’s all OK. It’s not like that. And sorry … we do have to go home sometimes. I know it sounds like I’m being argumentative; I’m not, I promise, but some posters are acting like I live in a fictitious universe where it isn’t pitch black with a storm outside, another child, dinner to make, a job to manage and the hundred and one needs of a family. So these posts are best ignored.

We are rarely at home actually but we have to be sometimes.

I'm just sharing what we do and have to do. Yes it's a nightmare trying to get anything done. One of us has to take the kids somewhere to burn energy while the other stays home and cooks and gets laundry done etc and we switch back and forth. And we both work long hours across 7 days between us. I do know how hard it is. And no we don't get home and everything goes away but it's the difference between a regulated child and a very very dysregulated child.

it's very unlikely they will put this 5yo on medication.

If OPs DS were to receive a diagnosis of ADHD, along with strategies to manage his condition both at home and at school, medication may well be considered. It’s not the answer for everyone, but it will be the right thing to help some children focus, and some 5yo will definitely benefit.

OP - I always recommend to parents in your situation to look at the resources avail from ADHD organisations. You have nothing to lose by doing some research and trying a few of the recommended strategies. It is also worth having a conversation with his teacher. Not only can he/she help in school, but it would give you some insight into what his behaviour is like in a school setting.

OP, I find it interesting that you say you would forget where you put the toys on rotation. Also that you are repeatedly saying you are coming across argumentative, but you’re not.

There are three things to do. Adjust your expectations. Learn more about what he’s trying to achieve with his behaviour - letting off energy, proprioceptive input, getting your attention etc. Manage your own emotions (including accepting the small things).

See ADHDNow and the ADHD Dude on Instagram. Very helpful to get insight into the motivation for some of these behaviours and helpful strategies for managing them. Along with a degree of acceptance.

I still find it baffling that DSD has to touch absolutely everything with his feet all the time and really want to tell him to stop. Despite knowing I also probably have ADHD because I am not the same type. However, I limit it to just those things that other people are going to put near their face etc.

It is hard work. Diagnosis or ND or not. Give yourselves some grace.

They typically won't even diagnose a child before they are 7.

@tickclocktockplease pm me. I’ve been there - from earlier than you describe. I know exactly what you are going through.

Yes sounds like he is neurodivergent. Sounds like you are too.

A lot of 5 year olds have boundless energy and need stimulation for their mind. Do you have play time with him.
My nephew is in 5 after school activities, 3 evenings sport trainings and has lots of energy left.
Talk to the gp. Trust your Instinct.

@Haveyouanyjam - I don’t know, I’m glad I’m not coming across as argumentative as I was getting a bit frustrated if I’m honest with the endless sort of ‘well of course he’s got pent up energy if you didn’t take him to the park straight after school’ posts!

I do sometimes see advice and it might be good advice in theory but only if I can actually follow it. What I’ve found on here before is that something like toy rotation is extra work for me and honestly I have enough to do 😂

It is hard as well because a lot of advice is so very contradictory. He needs chill time, no, why aren’t you at the park, you went to the park after school, poor child must be exhausted, etc.

Time will tell. Maybe we’re just in a difficult stage. Hope so really.

He sounds like my ds6. He won't sit down. He often gets into scrapes because he's fallen off the dining chair (or the toilet this week!) because he will not sit still.

If he talks about his day he will literally tigger-jump for 20 mins while he goes through what happened. He won't realize he's doing this.

If he plays something like a board game he will be doing handstands between moves but also jumping during his turn too.

He will sit, so he can sit through a 2 hour show at the theater. But he needs exercise before/after.

He gets tons and tons of exercise but it doesn't change if. In the summer holidays he would have days of 2-3 hours of walking, an hour swimming. An hour climbing and he would still be going at 10pm.

His sibling has been diagnosed as combined type ADHD. I think he has it too. His attention is very focused sometimes and he has a really bad issue with stopping things before they are complete.

However. I wouldn't Medicate unless it was affecting his schooling which it isn't (teacher has just said she's put him at the back so he can move more) so I'm holding off on getting him assessed until he's a bit older.

The problem is that with Neurodivergent children, for them to manage all the demands placed on them you often have to do things that are or feel beyond your capacity.

This was my DS. I did medicate, because it was affecting his schooling. How can you learn if you’re falling off your chair all the time? DS couldn’t. He’s now 13 and doing extremely well in school, flying academically and taking part lots of activities. Please consider medication, ADHD is a medical condition.