To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

[Babycarrierdilemma]

NDN has a young baby. We live on the second floor and she has been knocking or messaging every day wanting dh to help her up and down the stairs with the pram.

She has asked twice for a lift to an appointment next week as said she couldn’t manage the train alone. I told her that he can’t take her and she should sort out a taxi to which she said she cant manage car seat / pram and baby alone.

I had 2 carriers from when dc were little so I took them round and gave them to her said I didn’t have instructions but I was happy to show her or could send her the link to YouTube for each one. I said to her that we can’t help her anymore as it’s really getting too much. It literally is as I’m fed up of the daily requests and it’s almost like learned helplessness?

She messaged dh that evening upset and he’s told me I’ve been really unkind ??? It’s caused an argument and I’ve had to say it’s now a deal breaker if he continues to let her disrupt our lives this way?

By this rationale, we could also postulate that the NDN is a scheming horrible bitch who is out to get the OP's husband.

To me, the OP sounds nice and the NDN and husband do not. I would be gutted if my husband treated me with such contempt.

This is either weaponised incompetence on her part, or she needs to see a GP.

Hi all been awarded dla for my son
Was backdated fro Nov 2024
I have made a claim for care allowance and still waiting for backdating it's been 4weeks and still nothing .

You partner is the problem also! What is he wanting to do? Play happy families with her? Just keep your distance from her, block her and just say to him if he going to be going to her to help that it's going to impact your family unit, and if it continues you need to consider options because this is not want you want for yourself or family going forward.

She crossed a line by messaging your husband to complain about you, the fact your husband can't see that is quite worrying.

Book a family holiday get away.

Not a terrible idea.

I’m sorry but NDN needs to get a grip. I’m a single parent. You have to get on with stuff and make things work for you. This NDN is scheming and manipulative and that kind of intervention will cause trouble in your relationship eventually. The father is likely someone else’s husband. She hasn’t suddenly developed this kind of behaviour. Strap the baby on and carry her own shopping up. Or it won’t hurt to collect her own shopping if baby is safely in the cot. If she can’t manage the pram, she needs to rethink where she lives. Honestly who moves into a top floor flat when they have a baby on the way. It was a major consideration for me when I moved. The issue isn’t helping out a NDN, the problem is the way the NDN is dealing with it making a bee line for your husband and not asking you for help instead. She should have more respect.

NDN isnt your friend. NDN should be sorting her own affairs UNLESS its an emergency. If.you were friends then that is different - but there should be no expectation from her and it should be two-way help. I think you are right to nip it in the bud now or else it would have continued.
I dont think she is after your DH. She wants a hand - which is understandable. However she needs to be independent and this starts now.
Not intending to come across as harsh. Takers generally increase their demands and retaliate unreasonably when told no.... as seen here. Texting your husband like that is dirty!

A taxi-driver can help get her pram in the taxi. I expect it's cos she doesn't want to pay for a taxi. But tell her you've got to cut back on expenses & it's costing too much giving free rides every day.

The fact your husband got funny about it makes me wonder if something's going on between them. PLUS where is the male who got her pregnant?

Do you have children yourself?

Well seeing as the OP stated that she never got help bringing her baby up and downstairs and gave the slings she had used at that time to her neighbour I reckon she might well have children herself! It seems the dad has conveniently forgotten that detail.

Perhaps this new mum has postnatal depression. She may not recognise it.
And maybe that is why she is struggling to cope.

I asked to see any messages but there aren’t any - he apparently deleted them all because I said he couldn’t help her anymore. Not sure if this is true or if he’s just deleting them so I don’t see any new ones ?

Well that would be a red flag for me.

There's only one reason he deleted them and its not because he (so he says) won't be helping her any more.

Every update you give paints a more and more worrying picture of the situation OP.
Honestly why delete messages if there is nothing in them for you to worry about?

How’s the atmosphere been today?

Well now he's well and truly crossing boundaries. He needs to figure out how to restore those messages and show you. Because he's covering his tracks and that is going to destroy your marriage.

Can deleted messages be retrieved on a phone? Depends on the model I suppose...

That's really suspicious!!! 😡

Not great. I know it’s probably wrong but I’m tempted to change shifts on the day she had the appt she was wanting help with so that I’m at home rather than out

I would do that. It's highly suspicious that he's deleted the messages!

Oh if he's deleting messages then he 100% has something to hide.

I'd be doing that but rather than staying at home I'd leave as normal to try and observe what happens at her appointment time. Is this possible? I wouldn't trust your dh now, him deleting the messages is suspicious.