To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

[Babycarrierdilemma]

NDN has a young baby. We live on the second floor and she has been knocking or messaging every day wanting dh to help her up and down the stairs with the pram.

She has asked twice for a lift to an appointment next week as said she couldn’t manage the train alone. I told her that he can’t take her and she should sort out a taxi to which she said she cant manage car seat / pram and baby alone.

I had 2 carriers from when dc were little so I took them round and gave them to her said I didn’t have instructions but I was happy to show her or could send her the link to YouTube for each one. I said to her that we can’t help her anymore as it’s really getting too much. It literally is as I’m fed up of the daily requests and it’s almost like learned helplessness?

She messaged dh that evening upset and he’s told me I’ve been really unkind ??? It’s caused an argument and I’ve had to say it’s now a deal breaker if he continues to let her disrupt our lives this way?

How long does it takes someone to carry a pram up 3 flights of stairs?

Cheap bicycle lock will work well…

Cheap bicycle lock will work well…

The point is that this woman is expecting him to jump when she says jump, and he’s doing it. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s 2 minutes or 5 minutes or 30 - it would be weird for anyone to be at their neighbour’s beck and call like that.

If she can’t manage without this level of support then she needs either professional help or her own family need to step in.

Yes, she had already told him it upset her with the constant requests and interruptions. It’s grown to way more than a couple of requests to help. And he chose to ignore that OP was upset. If he’s going to keep doing it then he clearly doesn’t see OP’s feeling as ranking higher than his or the other woman’s. So what else can OP say?? Other than she’s not happy and it’s not going to work for her?

This

Except for the OP it seems, some posters think she should suck the situation up and to hell with how she feels about it, there's helping someone occasionally which is absolutely fine but now it's crossed into territory which makes the OP feel uncomfortable and causing arguments between her and her DH which is not on, and as for the NDN crying to DH about how mean the OP is, well that's bang out of order and I'd be telling her so. Trust me, this woman knows EXACTLY what she's doing....

Exactly, so why is she swooning and expecting OP's husband to be her Hero ?

All a bit Edwardian isn't it ?

He’s not naive… he’s enjoying the attention. A nornal decent guy would be fed up by now. Maybe he’s hoping she’ll drop the robe ove of these days…. @Babycarrierdilemma is 100% right

Not very long at all so what is the young lady’s problem doing this herself? At 16 weeks old her baby is tiny so if he’s well strapped in she can just pick the pram up with baby inside and get on with it. Or put the baby in his cot, tuck the baby monitor in her pocket and go back for the pram or to pick up the shopping.

The OP and her husband aren’t her staff! She needs to do the BAU of life for herself. If she is struggling emotionally she could invite the OP and her husband around for coffee and a chat with no need for their labour. She sounds like an entitled little madam and the OP is fully justified in imposing boundaries both about what the NDN can expect from her but also the respect she expects from her own husband.

Are you sure he isn't the father? Could have had an affair then moved her in next door to see the baby 🤣.

Maybe she's grooming the husband, subtly encouraging him until he does something inappropriate and then she'll turn around and start blackmailing him?

His initial reaction prioritised her, because he called her uncaring, didn’t stop to consider her position, and wanted to continue assisting the neighbour.

This isn’t just about the physical act of his assistance, and the NDN clearly knows this or she wouldn’t have immediately texted him after OP spoke to her, pitting him against her!

It’s Shroedinger’s Mumsnet again. Simultaneously unable to do anything like entertaining a visitor until their babies are toddlers but also run up 3 flights of stairs carrying a baby, a pram and a bag of shopping.

I really do hope that most people not on Mumsnet are nicer than the people on. Fortunately in my experience, they are.

Plot twist 😆

I think YABU.

Your husband doesn't mind. It's not inconveniencing your life - you just don't like that he's doing it. I have sympathy with not having the confidence to get out there when you're a first time new mum. I found the whole thing incredibly daunting - I wouldn't have taken a pram/pushchair on the train on my own, I used slings all the time, but it was the being OUT and having to parent in public I struggled with. No idea why. I run a business and am extremely practical, capable and competent, but I crumbled in the first few months after having a child. All my confidence vanished. Took about a year to get it back.

I don't really understand why you don't want to help her either. It takes a village. When someone is struggling, you help. She's on her own. There are a lot of cold people in the replies here.

Knight in Shining Armour syndrome

Watch out or the intrusions will be relentless

In all seriousness though op, I think he likes the attention he’s getting off a young lady. That’s not to say he’d do anything, but he’s probably getting a bit of an ego boost from it all!

A couple of minutes I'd imagine, so it'd be correct if it was a one-off. But it isn't a one-off, it's daily intrusions and it's already progressed to requests for lifts because someone who can't get in and out of her front door without assistance and can't collect her own shopping deliveries now can't use public transport either.

@Babycarrierdilemma be on your guard.

He's had his head turned by the pretty younger neighbour who needs him and makes him feel like a manly man.

He knows full well he is not just being kind. He's got a wee crush. The fact he gave her his number was a massive boundary stomp.

She is also manipulative, cheeky and entitled and knows she has more power over your husband than you do.

This would be a hard no for me. You can tell him the same but he will just tell her "my mean wife says I can't help you anymore even though I really want to".

He is a walking cliche and it's pathetic.

Don't let this go.

Think a lot of us are are on a bit in years (I'm 50) and have had our generous spirit made cautious by advantage-taking, boundary-testing people before.

Are you having a laugh? This woman wants to be driven to and from appointments, she wants them to collect her food shopping from the ground floor, she's got the DHs mobile number and cries to him about how 'mean' the OP is because she had the cheek to put boundries in, it's causing rows between her and her DH and you don't think it's not inconveniencing her life? Bloody hell.....

I think you have every reason to be concerned about this.

your DH is the problem here he should be standing by you.

^^ or equally, he is looking for something more from her. Do they have contact when he’s wfh?