DDs phone is off/dead should I worry?

[Clerenty]

DD is 17, we are Scottish so she is already at uni, her birthday is in February. She moved to London for uni.

I messaged her at 5pm, she told me she would call me when she got home at 6/6.30pm. I haven’t heard since and when I message her on WhatsApp it one ticks, when I try to call it goes straight to voicemail.

I know I’m probably panicking unnecessarily but she was pretty clear about not having any plans tonight and it wouldn’t be like her to have her phone off, if her phone dies she usually charges it back pretty quickly and always takes her battery pack with her.

DH thinks I am being dramatic and if we haven’t heard from her by the morning we should worry but she might just be busy with friends.

AIBU to be worried?

Gosh.....sorry you are going through this. My children are similar age and I'd be the same as you worried sick! Sending positive vibes. With regards to the police.....she is your child......go with your gut and ring the police now if you feel its necessary.

I would call the police. Very worrying for you. Hope very much that you have good news soon. As others have said, the weather here is foul and she’s probably just out with her friends and no charger. But there’s no reason to wait until the morning — might as well log the concern now and have it dated earlier in the system. Besides, when she does contact you later tonight/ tomorrow morning, the fact that you phoned the police (especially if you’re not usually worriers) might be a good wake-up call that this is selfish behaviour.

Honestly with this being so out of character I’d call the police. If it was my Dd i wouldn’t because she does stuff like this a lot but you know your Dd.

ditto. drunk or mad!

I agree. Far better to call them now and be reassured quickly than to be worrying all night . I hope you hear from her soon OP.

I'd call the police.
This is out of character and she's only seventeen.

Its a tough one.

When i went to Uni I had just turned 18. I was so independent. I rang my mum about twice a week.

She is nearly an adult.

If you ring the police at this hour i dont think they will do anything.

Someone has to have been missing for a longer time before they will do anything.

I understand you are worried and i send you a hug

Feeling your worry. I would call the police I think and hopefully have a serious chat with her about keeping in contact when she resurfaces.

There's a common myth that you need to wait 24 hours before reporting someone missing. It's not true. If you have concerns, you can report someone missing at any time.

Saying that, the most likely explanation is that she decided to go out somewhere and her phone has either died, broke, been lost, or been stolen and she has no way of telling you that she's OK. She may have said she had no plans this evening, but it's also possible she did and just didn't want to tell you, particularly if she's quite a private person (as it sounds like she might be).

Completely separate note: I know this is going to sound like a weird thing to suggest, but check your emails. When I was at uni, my phone completely broke and I didn't know my parents' phone numbers. I ended up emailing my dad's work email address to tell him I was OK.

So DS messaged a girl DD is friends with at uni who he follows on instagram. She replied straight away saying she hasn’t heard from DD but she will call/message those she knows who DD knows just in case she is with them. I think if we don’t get a reply there that tells us she is okay I’m just going to call the police as I can’t settle and I am absolutely petrified, I know she is 17 and at uni and not a baby anymore, but she is still technically a child!

I disagree.

I know someone that rang to report someone missing.

The police just advised her to wait for a longer time.

And if her son still didnt come back, then to ring them again.

This is a good idea, youre doing the right thing xx

I'm sure i did similar at 17 and scared my dm senseless!

Has she got a bf down there? Most likely thing to put her off the radar is a boy! I get how worrying it will be though. I went to uni in the city at just 17 and borrowed Id for the year, didn’t stop me, so she could also easily have gone on a bender. Sure she’ll be fine

PS I would also be contacting the university (email to a senior admin person, marked as urgent, and any tutors you know the name of, phone call to night porters if they have them). I teach at university and we are anxiously aware that we are in theory meant to be in a quite different relationship of responsibility to any students (mostly Scottish) who are under 18 for part of the first year. In reality we don’t have very good procedures in place for scrutinizing them with a closer and more parental eye — but it’s an anxiety and a legal liability. They will know this.

Sorry you're going through this. I think that she is likely totally fine. If this was my 17 year old self then the explanation would probably be that I've met a boy and gone to his room.

Hi Op you said that she said she would call you.

But you asked her to call you. There is a difference.

My mum has asked me to call her sometimes. I said yeah then i completely forgot, as it wasnt my idea to begin with

This happened to one of mine and it turns out she had lost her phone. She had emailed as couldn’t remember any of our numbers to use a friend’s phone.

True. I had a fake ID from age 16 on

We are here to hold your hand and talk OP tonight if you need it.

I’d phone the police - you’ll feel better when you do and you can deal with any embarrassment with your DD when you know she’s safe and well, for now you need to know she’s ok!

I think most likely she’s with a boy or gone out with friends but I absolutely understand why you’re so worried. Trust your gut and if you aren’t satisfied once you hear back from her friends then call the police. She’s not a baby but she is your baby. Hoping you get some news soon.

I'm on the fence re calling the police, but I do get how worried you are - you know your daughter and if you really think this is out of character, then do call them x
Hope she's in touch soon x

The police are not there as 'placate the mother anxiety service' how on earth would they have the resources to follow up genuine cases if they spend all their time taking calls like 'I am ringing as my 25 year old is 20mins late you need to send patrol cars now!' yes if a parent has a genuine concern they should be called BUT seriously people work on whatever issues you have first before the police need to employee extra staff because of neurotic parents

I bet she lost her phone or it was stolen.

Does she know any of your numbers off by heart?

OP I think checking your email is a good shout by PP. I never know phone numbers so if she lost her phone or had it stolen she might be out with mates and can’t remember your number. But as she is only 17 and therefore still a child, I’d call the police at midnight.