Page 11 | DDs phone is off/dead should I worry?

Clerenty · 2025-11-13T20:50:34+00:00

DD is 17, we are Scottish so she is already at uni, her birthday is in February. She moved to London for uni. I messaged her at 5pm, she told me she would call me when she got home at 6/6.30pm. I haven’t heard since and when I message her on WhatsApp it one ticks, when I try to call it goes straight to voicemail. I know I’m probably panicking unnecessarily but she was pretty clear about not having any plans tonight and it wouldn’t be like her to have her phone off, if her phone dies she usually charges it back pretty quickly and always takes her battery pack with her. DH thinks I am being dramatic and if we haven’t heard from her by the morning we should worry but she might just be busy with friends. AIBU to be worried?

CanadianCooper · 14/11/2025 00:23

@Clerenty i am so glad your daughter is safe and you can sleep tonight. The majority of mumsnet can too!

Finto1111 · 14/11/2025 00:24

CanadianCooper · 14/11/2025 00:22

it is not abuse. You said it yourself. You were off out at Uni and didn’t speak to family for days. This does not mean it is anyway normal and then you felt you needed to kick the OP when she was worried. You came back in when her child was located and accused her of panicking and you were condescending to her. There was no need at all.

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My family didnt speak to me for days does not equal - my family not giving a toss about me.

I got on very well with both my parents. They were happy for me to be independent.

FrodoBiggins · 14/11/2025 00:24

jamimmi · 14/11/2025 00:03

Hopfully good.news OP, it sounds like phone is either.dead or missing! Phones however are replacable daughters are not. Maybe get her to agree for your ds.to have a tracking app onlyntonbe used in emergancies. It works.for.us and siblings are great at saying when mum worries are OTT. Hope she rings soon

This is not a lesson in why tracking devices are good. I can't see why someone would benefit from knowing a person is at X location in a random city. If they're there what are you going to do? Call the police and tell them to go inside (lol not that they would) That could be very embarrassing if the girl's hanging out with a new gym friend.
And pointless if they've lost their phone.

Glad your daughter is OK OP. Her new friends sound nice, you should be happy about that. And either she's very good at quickly sorting bank and phone or very good at quickly making up a cover story for why she forgot to call you while hanging out with Gym Friend. God love students.

Finto1111 · 14/11/2025 00:27

I think the huge dependence on mobile phones, has increased people's worry.

My friend thought something terrible had happened to her boyfriend when he was off whatsapp for four hours.

Turned out that he just fell asleep

Shakeandvacuum · 14/11/2025 00:27

CanadianCooper · 14/11/2025 00:22

it is not abuse. You said it yourself. You were off out at Uni and didn’t speak to family for days. This does not mean it is anyway normal and then you felt you needed to kick the OP when she was worried. You came back in when her child was located and accused her of panicking and you were condescending to her. There was no need at all.

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A weekly call home was very normal when I was at uni and our parents didn’t know every detail of our lives. That is much healthier than the situation when a full scale panic ensues when the daughter is out for the evening. I bet she is mortified

usedtobeaylis · 14/11/2025 00:28

Glad everything worked out and you managed to locate her! It was always likely that she was ok but honestly thinking back three decades, 17 is still really threshold land, not a baby but really not quite a fully fledged adult. It's ok to worry!

IridiumSky · 14/11/2025 00:29

And who knows: At least some of the daughter’s story might actually be true.

I suspect she’s fed up to the back teeth (and embarrassed) by mum’s interference. Children of that age have no concept of parents worrying. She will not understand it until she has grown-up children of her own. It’s evolutionary, part of the necessary break from one’s parents.

It was so much easier in my day. If we wanted to be in contact with far-off parents, we wrote letters. Remember that?

Greenturtle671 · 14/11/2025 00:29

Glad she is okay. I would have panicked and rung police. Hope she is not hurt after being robbed

Greenturtle671 · 14/11/2025 00:29

Glad she is okay. I would have panicked and rung police. Hope she is not hurt after being robbed

Finto1111 · 14/11/2025 00:30

Shakeandvacuum · 14/11/2025 00:27

A weekly call home was very normal when I was at uni and our parents didn’t know every detail of our lives. That is much healthier than the situation when a full scale panic ensues when the daughter is out for the evening. I bet she is mortified

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Yes it did feel much healthier then didn't it!

Now some people are constantly checking when someone was last seen on facebook, whatsapp etc.

Unicorndreams24 · 14/11/2025 00:30

Im so happy you have spoken to her and she is ok! Everyone who has said you are worrying over nothing you were not at all, especially at the moment ! Try and get some sleep 🥰

nocoolnamesleft · 14/11/2025 00:30

I am so glad mobile phones weren't a thing when I hit uni at 17. There were a few payphones in the courtyard of the hall of residence, and I rang home maybe once a week. (My brother I gather rang home only when he ran out of money)

Original poster

Clerenty · 14/11/2025 00:31

FrodoBiggins · 14/11/2025 00:24

This is not a lesson in why tracking devices are good. I can't see why someone would benefit from knowing a person is at X location in a random city. If they're there what are you going to do? Call the police and tell them to go inside (lol not that they would) That could be very embarrassing if the girl's hanging out with a new gym friend.
And pointless if they've lost their phone.

Glad your daughter is OK OP. Her new friends sound nice, you should be happy about that. And either she's very good at quickly sorting bank and phone or very good at quickly making up a cover story for why she forgot to call you while hanging out with Gym Friend. God love students.

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DS has just said he can't tell if he believes her and feels bad for her, or if he doesn't believe and respects the detail of the cover up. He also told me i'm naive if I believe the boy is actually just a friend!

OP posts:

Finto1111 · 14/11/2025 00:32

nocoolnamesleft · 14/11/2025 00:30

I am so glad mobile phones weren't a thing when I hit uni at 17. There were a few payphones in the courtyard of the hall of residence, and I rang home maybe once a week. (My brother I gather rang home only when he ran out of money)

Simpler times!

It was the same for me, and my parents never panicked. Mobile phones had just come in when I was at Uni.

It just shows how mobile phones have increased parents panic

Finto1111 · 14/11/2025 00:33

Clerenty · 14/11/2025 00:31

DS has just said he can't tell if he believes her and feels bad for her, or if he doesn't believe and respects the detail of the cover up. He also told me i'm naive if I believe the boy is actually just a friend!

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I dont see why she would lie that much just to cover a couple of hours.

Also, she didnt log into whatsapp in that time period. Which suggests its the truth.

Boy is probably more than a friend though!

Tunnocks34 · 14/11/2025 00:34

This reminds me of my mum! My mum and sister and I have a group chat which we speak in dozens of times a day. I also call my mum or vice versa at least once a day. One day my phone died, and my charger broke and given I am a 35 year old woman I just plodded on without it. My mum rang my husband (who didn’t answer as he was at work) my poor Mum came round to my house, worried to death something had happened to me as we hadn’t spoke in 7 hours and I hadn’t replied to any messages all morning! Luckily we live a short 5 min drive from each other!

IridiumSky · 14/11/2025 00:34

nocoolnamesleft · 14/11/2025 00:30

I am so glad mobile phones weren't a thing when I hit uni at 17. There were a few payphones in the courtyard of the hall of residence, and I rang home maybe once a week. (My brother I gather rang home only when he ran out of money)

Your brother had it correct: that’s what those phones were for. 😃

Shakeandvacuum · 14/11/2025 00:35

Finto1111 · 14/11/2025 00:30

Yes it did feel much healthier then didn't it!

Now some people are constantly checking when someone was last seen on facebook, whatsapp etc.

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It must feel totally suffocating for the young people

usedtobeaylis · 14/11/2025 00:35

I would just take her word for it and move on.

What people done 20-30 years ago is so irrelevant.

Shakeandvacuum · 14/11/2025 00:36

nocoolnamesleft · 14/11/2025 00:30

I am so glad mobile phones weren't a thing when I hit uni at 17. There were a few payphones in the courtyard of the hall of residence, and I rang home maybe once a week. (My brother I gather rang home only when he ran out of money)

And surprisingly we lived to tell the tale 🤷‍♀️

MsPavlichenko · 14/11/2025 00:37

Clerenty · 14/11/2025 00:03

She just called (albeit brief).
The short version of the story in her words is as she left the gym someone stole her phone and she had her bank card etc. in the case (I’ve told her not to do this!), so she got all panicked and at the same time a boy from her course was leaving and offered to take her back to his. She managed to call her bank and get the card cancelled etc. She also said she transferred money to the boys account to order a new phone which will come tomorrow. She then realised she couldn’t remember any of our phone numbers or emails and because of two factor authentication she couldn’t get into any of her socials to message us.
She then decided to go out for some drinks and has now decided to stay at the boys tonight as it’s raining and she didn’t want to get wet going back to hers but couldn’t get the tube either as she doesn’t have a phone or bank card!

Bloody teenagers!!

I have no idea whether what she told you is true, entirely or otherwise. But, please stop doing this. You’re distressed, and she is too, or at least embarrassed.

I remember when my DD was in 6th year speculating where she was late one night. I remember thinking the axe man might have got her, but …. What could I do! Once she got to uni ( also 17, I let go. I worried of course. Often. But didn’t involve her.) We were all happier.

FrodoBiggins · 14/11/2025 00:45

Finto1111 · 14/11/2025 00:33

I dont see why she would lie that much just to cover a couple of hours.

Also, she didnt log into whatsapp in that time period. Which suggests its the truth.

Boy is probably more than a friend though!

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Have you never turned your phone off / on airplane mode to concentrate on something? 😂

FrodoBiggins · 14/11/2025 00:46

Clerenty · 14/11/2025 00:31

DS has just said he can't tell if he believes her and feels bad for her, or if he doesn't believe and respects the detail of the cover up. He also told me i'm naive if I believe the boy is actually just a friend!

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Ha ha bless him. A detective through and through I see.
Glad you can sleep well tonight. Maybe let DD offer as much (or little) info as she wants about the "events"

IridiumSky · 14/11/2025 00:48

>>>
She then decided to go out for some drinks and has now decided to stay at the boys tonight as it’s raining and she didn’t want to get wet going back to hers but couldn’t get the tube either as she doesn’t have a phone or bank card!
<<<
Am I alone in laughing out loud at this cock-and-bull story?
Poor girl.
Who will now probably be given a grilling over the details during the holidays.

Apileofballyhoo · 14/11/2025 00:50

I'm glad she's all right, OP. I'd have been worried sick too.