Different cultures and class structures do have different views of what is family and what is not. The husband in this case doesn’t understand what the wife is upset over a and trivialises the situation by calling it a ‘ only thirty minute ceremony’ well if it’s only a ‘thirty minute ceremony’ why is he bothering to attend?
i work on the three ‘Fs’ principle, Faith, Family, Fortune.
i have a Greek Cypriot mother and and English father whom I never met until I was twenty three, but I was raised by my English step father from when I was six months old. Had I not bothered to find my real father then we probably would never have met.
The differences between the Anglo Saxons and the Mediterraneans is palpable, my girlfriend is Polish and it’s the same deal. The Greeks know that we all have each others back, when I caught covid aunts and cousins dropped food on my front porch and rang the door bell, when I answered the door they kept their distance and made sure I was okay, when I had to have my dog put down my cousin came with me and stood by me when my boy was put to sleep.
I’ve known my girlfriends daughter since she was ten and is now thirteen and I treat her like my own and I’m very protective of her, her English dad, a bit like my own, sends no money from Dubai where he lives and her nan rarely makes contact, she has zero contact with aunts and cousins from her English side. Their loss, I’m not naturally drawn to kids but she really is a good kid and I feel that they are missing out.
My mother treats my ‘daughter’ like her grandchild and all my Greek family treat them both like family. Her Polish family dote over her when she visits them, unlike the English middle class family, they never forget her birthday and always send her money from Poland.
I have never had kids, but if I had and split up with their mother, had I neglected them and not still taken them to see their nan and deprived her of her grand children, my mother would have me a bollocking as would her sisters, my aunts. Although I stand a foot taller than my mum she’d still slap me round the head ( playfully ) and give me the munza, which is an open palm gesture pushing at your forehead and they say ‘Na’ which basically means ‘idiot’
My Greek family and I are tight, if I got to Cyprus we are all cousins doesn’t matter if we are twice and thrice generations removed. My English family are noticeably different, I m very close with one of my aunties on my real fathers side, but I’ve never met all my cousins, not be because I don’t want to to but because they didn’t bother.
i respect both sides but I’m closer with my Greek family, we make an effort for each other, my cousins are my friends as well.
Neither is right or wrong but I’m more drawn to Mediterranean/ Latino cultures than I am to the English culture. So my personal opinion is that I would not attend a celebration or gathering if my partner or step child was not invited, but the husband in this case does not feel the same way and neither does the BIL, it could be a difference of the Irish / English culture or just they are just wired differently.
I don’t blame the wife in this case for being upset, but by the same token she has to accept her husband and BIL as they are.