Exasperated with nip screw husband.

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

He has recently replaced DD's car and is allowing her to keep the money that she gets when she has sold her old car - which should be around £12,000. He is a generous father.

But he's a nip screw husband.

The dishwasher which I have had for 15 years broke down a month ago and instead of replacing it with a new one, he ordered the part required and fixed it himself (he's also very practical).

This part lasted short of a month and the dishwasher, which let's face it, is elderly, has again broken down.

It has been broken for a few days and I hate washing up as he insists on cooking and he uses every pot and utensil we possess.

I have sourced a replacement which can be picked up in store within the hour. But he says that he's going to fix the old one and 'don't you dare go wasting money'.

There are two days worth of dishes piled up in the kitchen because I am refusing to (blackmailing) hand wash anymore. He's stomping around effing and Jeffing because there are no clean teaspoons. Poor man.

Should I order whatever I want - I can get delivery tomorrow? Or wait for him to be bothered to order the part he thinks he needs - which may or may not fix an ancient relic?

Why is he generous with the children but not with me? Should I LTB? He hates me doesn't he?

He sent things back that you bought. Was that before the surgery or since? I'm wondering if he's always been this controlling.

I'd be so angry that he buys his daughter a car, lets her keep £12k as if it's nothing but 'forbids' you from spending joint money on an essential household item. It's worrying that you're afraid to go against his 'rules' for you.

You need to protect your savings. I'd be treating him as someone who probably shouldn't be making financial decisions for himself, never mind you. Are your children adults? Do they back you up in these situations with him?

Talk about missing the point.

Whoopee for you I guess?

Order the dishwasher!

And tell him “don’t you dare” complain, send it back etc

Two can play at that game

Edit - sorry I missed all the updates! In that case you need to make plans to leave.

Abuse is never acceptable.

Having all those vehicles is very odd though. It really isn’t usual to have more than one motor vehicle (so bike, car, van) per person. Obviously some people have a car and a bike or van, but not multiples.

This. And make sure you get your half of everything, including his fucking boat.

Snap I was expecting to read something about they s*x life.😂😂😂We used to say screw as teenagers for playing hide the sausage.

That doesnt make sense. If a part is broken and can be replaced to make it function again then it is waste to throw away. This applies even if its a second part that broke.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche

Listen, I have a feeling you're reading a lot of posts (including mine above) that are raising issues far beyond the dishwasher. I know it's a lot to take in when people are explaining that you're in an abusive relationship and that you need to guard your finances.

But understand that most of us have 'been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, worn it to shreds'. Some of us are still wearing it and trying to take it off!

So take a breath. Read the posts again. Then take some quiet time to think things through. Talk to someone you trust and who will keep your confidence. Remember that your happiness matters. The way he treats you is not something to roll your eyes about as "That's just the way he is".

You'll get through this, one way or another. I'm rooting for you.

Nipscrew is a Northern saying. I know it, and my mother and granny used it a lot. It means you are tight!

Buy a new dishwasher.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Vans were part of his business before he had to give it up. He kept a small and a large van when he wound it down. They're at his storage unit 10 min drive away, as is my other car which is garaged in the same unit. There are two cars on our drive - which is normal around here.

I read posts like this and think: I don't understand some people at all. Surely you just say: No, I'm not in the least extravagant. I am not the one who bought a boat without consulting my spouse. I have ordered a new dishwasher and paid for it to be properly installed and if you challenge this, you will do all the washing up from now on and I will sell your boat because it is an extravagance we didn't both agree to. But let's keep the boat and the dishwasher, eh?

I have known H 40 years - for more than 20 years I didn't have a dishwasher so I have washed quite a few dishes in that time and still do when I have things which cannot go in the dish washer. I have had a dishwasher almost 16 years, I am not going back to washing dishes. That's why they're piling up around the sink.

Flippin’ Nora it’s 2025, women died to get equality a hundred years ago!!
So get it ordered AND do not wash even a teaspoon until it’s fitted.

Ps when we needed a new one (notice we not I) we ordered one which was fitted and the 2 guys took away our old one - bit extra but worth it. H struggles with any DIY so I never, ever risk it.

Move your half of your savings into your own savings account. Protect what you have worked and saved over the years.
The If your husband had dementia and was spending like a teenager with his first wage packet, would you give him your debt card and say : ‘there you go, have some fun with that.’ ?

It's starting to feel like the dishwasher incident is just highlighting a massive elephant in the room where any expense occured for you is a waste in his eyes where he and daughters will get new cars and a boat for goodness sake.
Read him the flipping riot act and get ducks in a row. Won't necessarily come to that but he certainly doesn't look like he values u. Ghastly attitude.

Just go and visit friends/family for a few days and let him solve the problem himself.

Tell him to fck off 😀 and get him out of your life 👍
(I googled "nip screw person", and it points me either to this here thread, or to bdsm nipple clamps 😂)

Just buy a dishwasher.

Like @TessoftheDobermans and @TinyTear I also remember your previous threads. I'm sorry to hear things got much worse, and that he's still finding it funny. Have you talked with your children about it? Seem to recall you talking with your DD about his post surgery personality change.

It is always okay to divorce, whether that's you don't like him anymore, or he's straight up abusive. You can't live the rest of your life on memories of who he used to be. At least your money will be all yours.

(Your username always reads to me as 'my other Carl is a Porsche, amusingly memorable.)

he bought a boat without my knowledge recently.
He has been known to send stuff that I've bought back

He bought a boat?!?! A fecking boat!! And has the cheek to send stuff back that you've bought.

You have more problems than a dishwasher I think.

And sometimes in a very diplomatic way I sit my DH down and say “watch my lips, this is what I am going to do”.

My husband is the same, so generous but then he overthinks it and tries to backtrack, because he thinks he can fix it.

Was intrigued about the post-surgery changes.

Found this: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0895796722000035

"anxiety, depression, PTSD, and isolation are real parts of living with AD"

Apologies if already seen, OP

Even when I was single I bought a dishwasher as soon as I could afford it and had the space. I fully support the OPs loathing of the tyranny of washing up after every meal. It's fine on an occasional basis, but it's the relentlessness of three meals a day, seven days a week that makes life without a dishwasher unnecessary drudgery for me if there is an alternative.

OP - your husband really doesn't sound as if he is very nice to you, and it sounds as if you have been putting up with treatment that you shouldn't have to put up with. I hope things improve.

I note in one of your posts that you felt he was very generous to the kids but tight as a screw towards you, and you wondered if he hates you.

I would check that he hasn't written you out of his will (jointly held stuff won't be affected), so try to find out if he has amended the will in any way since his illness. I doubt he would be considered of sound mind if he did disinherit you though post illness.

It's just something to put on your to do list.