Exasperated with nip screw husband.

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

He has recently replaced DD's car and is allowing her to keep the money that she gets when she has sold her old car - which should be around £12,000. He is a generous father.

But he's a nip screw husband.

The dishwasher which I have had for 15 years broke down a month ago and instead of replacing it with a new one, he ordered the part required and fixed it himself (he's also very practical).

This part lasted short of a month and the dishwasher, which let's face it, is elderly, has again broken down.

It has been broken for a few days and I hate washing up as he insists on cooking and he uses every pot and utensil we possess.

I have sourced a replacement which can be picked up in store within the hour. But he says that he's going to fix the old one and 'don't you dare go wasting money'.

There are two days worth of dishes piled up in the kitchen because I am refusing to (blackmailing) hand wash anymore. He's stomping around effing and Jeffing because there are no clean teaspoons. Poor man.

Should I order whatever I want - I can get delivery tomorrow? Or wait for him to be bothered to order the part he thinks he needs - which may or may not fix an ancient relic?

Why is he generous with the children but not with me? Should I LTB? He hates me doesn't he?

It makes more sense now that this isn’t on the sex board.

@Jamesblonde2 I mean, her husband could do the fucking washing up himself if he's that bothered. But he won't, because he's an arse biscuit. Meanwhile if the dishwasher is that knackered, which it sounds like it was, then they need a new one. The old one can be recycled.

Just buy the dishwasher and anything else you need and don't ever ask him for permission again. Don't enter into an argument about it either.

You won't change him, but you can change how you react to his unfair behaviours.

Oof, I didn't read the updates. He's a horrible pos. I'm sorry she's putting up with him too.

Have you RTFT where people have discussed the meaning?

Well, after a quick Google, apparently AI deemed nip screw a non-existent phrase. (Of course, taking anything that AI says with a pinch of salt...)

I agree with others that the phrase must be unique to you OP, and possibly your family.

Ah, the Google search also came up with this result... perhaps your family made their own phrase based on an actual nipple screw? (which i recognise but didn't know the name until today lol 😆)

DD's 'old car' must have been quite special if it will still net £12k as a used car.

Hubby needs a real talking to as he is buying extravagant gifts for your DD who maybe needs to stand on her own feet a bit more by the sound of it, and he could have put a few hundred pounds into a dishwasher. There is something horribly controlling about him. He is trying to restrict you.

He seems to like you to struggle.

I would order the diswasher and pay for it with "family money". How do you and DH manage your finances? Do you each pay in from your income/wage? Then deduct the money from what you normally pay in next month.

I haven’t heart nip screw before. First thoughts were he was one of those tedious men who thinks it is bloody hilarious to twist your nipples like they are turning the volume or up down on a dial, sometimes by older men, who make the accompany radio tuning sounds. Vagina clamped shut.

Anyway, LTB. What a selfish prick.

‘Nip screw’? Shouldn’t this be in the ‘sexual fetishes’ section?

And the obvious solution is to buy more teaspoons.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche Get the dishwasher and tell him "It's my boat."

Or slap a big red bow on top and wish him a Merry Fucking Christmas.

AI is not a research tool. There is a link earlier in the thread, and here is another (search in the document) sedberghlookaround.org.uk/issues/189%20May%202002.pdf

Dad used to say it was about having to use a spanner to get a coin out of someone's hand.

Arrggh! Now what does that mean? I wish people on this site would stop talking in riddles and code and just come right out and say what they mean. I don't understand what either of your sayings are remotely saying. So you answered with an even harder to understand saying. Can you just say in plain English what you mean?

Nip screw is northern possibly - my grandma used to say it as well as my mum and dad. Dad used to say it was about having to use a spanner to get a coin out of someone's hand.

I don't think it's Northern. Lived in the north all my life and never heard it.

Order it including delivery and installation, but only in your full name Hide the order documentation somewhere impossible for him to find (ie if online, print and then delete from system)
It's appalling that you have to do this but you have to outwit his controlling behaviour.

In the meantime, say nothing, do no dishes!
Trust me, I had to do similar for 30 years, until the day came when I finally filed for divorce.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche remove your money from the joint savings account and put it into your personal account if husband wants to spend spend spend let him do it with his own savings not yours, he can’t dictate what you can spend money on then go splurge it all himself. PLEASE take your money back and tell him to leave it seems clear from your posts no one in your family is happy about how your being treated, best of luck to you OP go be happy without him and don’t feel bad about fucking him out because if the roles were reversed hubby would have divorced and remarried by now

Dad used to say it was about having to use a spanner to get a coin out of someone's hand.

Arrggh! Now what does that mean?

I would say that that is a explanation of someone who is tight fisted/miserly.

You have to take money from their hand by force.

Still doesn't explain nip screw imo though.

Yes this. Do you have a joint account for family expenses or does he hold all the money. If the latter insist on a change.

Depends how far north or maybe a very small regional saying but I knew exactly what Nip Screw meant.

When your DH starts to rant could you record him and after several recordings, at a quiet moment when he is calm play them back or even have your DC sitting round a table with you for support . This may help him realize what he sounds like and what you are going through.
Or even get an appointment with the surgeon who originally asked if his personality had changed.

Tell him to get a new dishwasher immediately..

His behaviour is appalling.

If he thinks there is not enough money he can call in the money of your daughter or sell the boat.

FFS

Buy a new one the same color as the old one. Tell him you fixed the old one.

Really don’t get the angst you gave him a chance to fix the dishwasher he did it broke down again, you have a joint account so just buy a cheap dishwasher get someone to deliver plumb and take away if you can’t do it yourself. Whatever your disagreement about washing up it’s minging to refuse to wash up for 2 days.

Have you ever talked back when your dh says you are extravagant and told him when your extravagance gets up to his level (giving away £12,000, buying a boat etc) then you might listen to him but whilst he is spouting hypocritical nonsense then he isn’t worth taking notice of

For laughing about using your own savings on a dishwasher I would transfer the cost of the dishwasher and what interest you would have lost having to pay for it from savings out of the joint account

Actions have consequences

Whilst you might be able to rationalise your dh’s abuse, how can you stand by and listen to your dh abusing your GC. They don’t understand that GF has brain damage They just hear abuse.

Whilst this abuse might be bad for Nt children this abuse is so much worse for dc who are ND. Especially as he is targeting their Neurodiversity.

If he can’t help being abusive because a medical procedure then why is he targeting a
child who can’t help doing what they are doing because of ND issue.

I wouldn’t be looking after dgc if he is in the house.
He is damaging them.

I don’t think you understand how bad his actions and words are