Exasperated with nip screw husband.

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

He has recently replaced DD's car and is allowing her to keep the money that she gets when she has sold her old car - which should be around £12,000. He is a generous father.

But he's a nip screw husband.

The dishwasher which I have had for 15 years broke down a month ago and instead of replacing it with a new one, he ordered the part required and fixed it himself (he's also very practical).

This part lasted short of a month and the dishwasher, which let's face it, is elderly, has again broken down.

It has been broken for a few days and I hate washing up as he insists on cooking and he uses every pot and utensil we possess.

I have sourced a replacement which can be picked up in store within the hour. But he says that he's going to fix the old one and 'don't you dare go wasting money'.

There are two days worth of dishes piled up in the kitchen because I am refusing to (blackmailing) hand wash anymore. He's stomping around effing and Jeffing because there are no clean teaspoons. Poor man.

Should I order whatever I want - I can get delivery tomorrow? Or wait for him to be bothered to order the part he thinks he needs - which may or may not fix an ancient relic?

Why is he generous with the children but not with me? Should I LTB? He hates me doesn't he?

Have you RTFT?

Order the dishwasher to be delivered while he’s at the caravan. Pay extra for it to be plumbed in. There’s Jack shit he can do if he comes back and already in use.

What a fuckwit. A well used 15yo dishwasher is trash. An “old” car worth £12,000 is absolutely not trash. And doesn’t even need replacing.

I would have it out about the dishwasher. What a twat.

Op have you said to him “Why can DD get 12k for a car and I can’t even get a dishwasher?”

Why don’t you read the thread?

I would divorce him.
He doesn't seem to like you or respect you.
Time to go your own way.

This is terribly sad. I hope you can find some peace and happiness OP. It sounds like you're dealing with grief on top of everything else. I hope you have many happy evenings with your DDs and mornings with your DGC.
xx

Oh and buy paper cups and plates. I'll do some extra recycling to cover you.

What is a nip screw @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche
Where in the UK is this used for a miser?

Never heard it ever.

LEAVE!

I only can tell you what I would do. I would divorce and live near my daughters and get a dog. It’s abuse. Surgery or not. ND or not you are 60 and could have 30 more years of abuse.

Keep telling him there are no clean dishes and asking him when he is going to do the damned washing up or buy a new dishwasher? And order takeaways if he is still being difficult.

He is a real.mean, know it all tight arse by the sound of it. And a bodger to boot. Who wrecks things rather than fix them.

How old is he?. He sounds like an old,cantankerous man from a past generation. When women were treated as servants and knew their place. And were humiliated on a daily basis.

As for the plates and washing up. I wouldn't lift a finger. Let the stack up inabig pile on the kitchen floor.

And use plastic picnic or paper plates and cups to eat and drink off.

If you haven't got any go to Poundland and get some.

Or better still tell him to order take away food. that he pays for.

I would say just order a new dishwasher. You are married, supposed to be a partnership.
No washing up, no cooking as no clean pans or utensils. Order takeaway that you can eat without cutlery.

Whatever happens, I do hope he doesn't decide to buy you a dishwasher for Christmas or your Birthday.

Sorry, another thought. Buy him an early Christmas present and then you can give him dishwasher tabs, salt and rinse aid to open on Christmas Day.

He does sound mean but - do you not have your own money, go to work?
A dishwasher is surely not that expensive, I bought my last one from Argos.

You are being controlled despite having a joint account - buy your dishwasher on your debit card instead, add insurance to the bill if it makes you feel better.

I don't have anything useful to add really, apart from maybe get the dishwasher changed and installed when he's on his trip, so it's just a done deal? And to send you a virtual hug. I knew how hard dealing with ND kids is, and you're being amazing to your family. And well done on building your social life and independence. Sometime it's the only way xx

He's trying to save you both money not trying to make you personally suffer,

Meanwhile the dishes are piling up and guess what... hes not washing them either but yet hes the one insisting they dont buy a new one!

Order it and pay monthly for D+G insurance cover, that way if it breaks again someone will come out for free and fix/replace it.

My husband is so similar and whilst I'm not frightened by him the abusive verbal fall out would go on and on and on and would be truly awful to live with.

I think one repair is reasonable if someone's good at fixing things. If the repair doesn't hold then I'd be looking for a replacement.

LOL, He sounds fine to me. Recently, the sole on one of my hiking boots started to come away from the shoe and DH offered to glue it back on for me!!
See, he could be a lot worse!
Love your very amusing and well written post😀

@LooksForGlasses Nipscrew means you are tight.

It's a Northern expression, probably quite old fashioned now, but I would use it (I'm 60) and it's something my granny said regularly.

Omg, me too!:))))