Am I a complete weirdo for contemplating moving to America?

[Frinkleg]

It’s always been an option as dh is a pilot. He’s spoken to an airline out there and would be able to secure a job with 3x the salary. We would actually be able to feel a little bit more than just comfortable.

I actually really do love the UK. I enjoy village life, British holidays, Brits are just funnier etc.

But the money is just too much of a head turner.

We could afford a gorgeous home in Connecticut with a pool.

We spend a lot of time in the states but only as holidaymakers. It would certainly be an adjustment.

of course I fear guns, American politics re female rights, I’m by no means pro Trump. The ICE raids are horrific. But we’d have some bloody money. And a nice house.

I can’t imagine the US ever feeling like home that’s the only thing.

DS is half Indian. He went on a school trip to Washington a few months ago. His teachers and all his White friends were worried he and his Guatemalan friend would get stopped. His White friends all got stopped. He walked straight through! He is not ' white passing'and probably looks South American. There are tons of Indians who live in the US. My gay Indian cousin lives in Texas and loves it!

I’d go for it
we are looking into moving too for my husbands job and I’ve looked into work over their in my industry and job market seems good.

Normally I would say go for it. Connecticut is lovely, and if you get your healthcare covered etc it can be a nice life.

But, the brits I know out there at the moment are a bit stuck if they have green cards up for renewal. Their renewals are being delayed for no good reason and they are basically trapped, can’t leave the US to visit family as they might not get back in.

So whilst I would normally say go for it, I’m not sure it is that easy for brits anymore.

I have family in Connecticut and like it a lot. Also have family in Texas, Chicago and New Jersey. My work has been split between the UK and the US (mainly the Mountain West) for a few years now.

Sure, you can always come back, but it's never that simple, and definitely not when kids are involved.

I wouldn't, despite loving living in different places and having a strong sense of adventure when it comes to this kind of thing.

A pp said that Trump won't affect your everyday life, but I'm not sure I agree with that. My very close relative lives in a gated community in a gorgeous bit of Lake Michigan. They moved there about 10 years ago and have been very happy. For the first time since they moved, she is now talking about two things: getting a gun and equally, thinking about coming back to the UK.

There are obviously millions of people living happily in the US, and lots of stories here about people moving there and finding it wonderful. You could absolutely find that. However, America is in for a long, long period of political and socio-economical upheaval. The next elections are going to be fraught and possibly not as free and fair as everyone has taken for granted. Ballot box emotions run very high, even in privileged areas. Democracy is threatened and there is a reckoning unfolding of America's identity for the next period of time, in terms of immigration. I wouldn't walk willingly into that for all the tea in China.

But everyone's got an opinion on America atm, that's just mine

My hestitancy would be schooling.
But otherwise, I'd set a time limit and go for it. 2 years, live nicely but save as much as you can without feeling like you're scrimping - and also so you don't get too used to a lifestyle and make it impossible to come back.

I don't think I'd sell my house here. I think I'd rent it out long term, rent somewhere in the US (with a pool so it feels like an upgrade) and whack as much as I could off the mortgage and into investments. Get yourself some work experience in the US if your visa allows - this will help you if and when you decide to return.
And maybe learn a language while you're out there to give yourself more options!

If you're loving it after two years and none of you want to return, then reasses every year.

I'm guessing you're pretty comfortable, even in the UK

I don't mean this in an arsey way, but how far would this quest for more money take you OP? Because in my mind the quest for more and more money is what has made the USA get so sick. Connecticut is pretty and it would be nice to have a pool etc but would it be home?

Yep, thats right. Although abortions are certainly NOT banned in Poland. Fair point. Op, just move and see how it goes. Life is short..

What I don’t get is why you would want to live somewhere where you think your husband would need to pretend to be white and that because your surname sounds English you could get away with not acknowledging Indian heritage 😲

Bad news for you OP. Although ICE absolutely are racial profiling, they’re also going after/hassling anyone not American.
So far my ‘favourite’ detention story is the Irish grandmother - white, married to an American, US Greencard, US born children and grandchildren who’s lived in the US for nearly 50 years - detained in isolation by ICE for a bounced cheque from 10 years ago. proud Republican voters … apparently now the husband now regrets his votes for Trump, they thought only the non-whites we’re going to be harrassed.
god bless ‘Merica. If you go, make sure you carry some docs around with you proving you have the right to be there .

I’ve not said that at all. I love to embrace my family’s Indian heritage. Just that I don’t expect we would be at the top of the list of ICE raids.

Go for it. The only thing I'd really be concerned about would be healthcare, and what would happen if you split up from him, if something bad would happen between you. Or, do you think you'd be in a situation where you would want to come home but he loved it so much he wanted to stay out there?

Personally I would not but that’s because I have a small son and would fear him attending an American school. However. This is your life and if the pros out way the cons and you and your family are going to benefit from a better life then why not?

good luck with whatever you decide

Sorry. My internet is slow and so it posted more than once 🫣

I wouldn’t live anywhere where I felt I had to ‘pass’ for something I’m not. I can ‘pass’ for straight - but life is too fucking short.

Oh, school shooter drills - your kids will be doing those. And every US parent I know has bought their child those handy bullet proof backpacks or the Kevlar insert that you can put in regular backpacks. But I’m reliably informed that the bullet proof backpacks are considered safer/ more reliable though it can be tricky to get the fashion obsessed teens to use those …

Personally I wouldn't because no money is worth sending DC to school and not knowing they are safe. I would also be concerned about safety in the air around America at the moment given the issues with air traffic control. If you are happy with those risks and think the extra money is worth it, then go for it.

Knife crime has declined in the UK in 2025, according to the stats. And despite the popular misconception, there is more knife crime in the US than the UK, per capita. So you’re more likely to be shot and also more likely to be stabbed in the US than the UK. (Although Connecticut may well have better stats than other parts of the States, just as some parts of the UK have better stats than other parts of the UK).

All violent crime is higher in the USA including KNIFE crime, but because their gun deaths are so high- 40k + a year - their knife crime rarely gets a mention.

If it was just you and your husband I would say yes. Taking three young kids out there with the gun and drug problems they have. Hell no. Not enough money and big houses in the world. Not to stay you should stay in the UK though. Where else could you move to?

This. I'm genuinely amazed the compromises people will consider for money. It's not just that you probably wouldn't be targeted by ICE, it's the fact you would willingly move somewhere that has ICE.

The UK is not much better at the moment. And you can always come back if needs be. Seems a no brainer

All those saying it's fine if you're white (or white passing as per OP), speaks volumes to the society we're living in now. I'm so glad you're all able to ignore what is happening to minorities, as long as you and yours are okay. Carry on as normal. Enjoy your little bubble.

Are you missing the women dying for want of a termination? ICE? The separating of children from their families on the border? The rising numbers of gun/knife violence including in schools and universities? The men shot because their colour implies a lower tolerance? The raging drug related hell that is spreading across the entire country? The president sex pest?

How is that reflected here? If you were raped tomorrow and conceived where would you want to be?

I’m afraid you are taking things for granted if you don’t think things are very much better here. Granted this country is in a total doom loop, but things could be SO much worse if Trump’s mini-me Farage gets in.

Whereas under the NHS people simply don’t get the treatment, can’t access doctors, we have some of the worst “dread disease” outcomes in Europe and our maternity care is shocking (especially if you are not white).

Interestingly of all the pros and cons listed by family, friends and colleagues taking up long term residence in the US, healthcare never gets a mention, including from a colleague who developed MS a few years after moving and who has a lifetime income from his insurance which many people here would envy.
Its worth noting that some people make an explicit choice not to have insurance or to choose “community” schemes instead, and those bankruptcies by their nature feature people without full insurance as its not compulsory. The rules vary from state to state. The laws in Connecticut, Missouri and Oregon have no more in common than the rules in UK, Poland and Italy. Connecticut is a big blue state with matching policies on health, employment and education (and FaW).

Hopefully, looking at the clock there will be more US living MNers to talk about the realities of US life rather than the scare stories.