Am I a complete weirdo for contemplating moving to America?

[Frinkleg]

It’s always been an option as dh is a pilot. He’s spoken to an airline out there and would be able to secure a job with 3x the salary. We would actually be able to feel a little bit more than just comfortable.

I actually really do love the UK. I enjoy village life, British holidays, Brits are just funnier etc.

But the money is just too much of a head turner.

We could afford a gorgeous home in Connecticut with a pool.

We spend a lot of time in the states but only as holidaymakers. It would certainly be an adjustment.

of course I fear guns, American politics re female rights, I’m by no means pro Trump. The ICE raids are horrific. But we’d have some bloody money. And a nice house.

I can’t imagine the US ever feeling like home that’s the only thing.

Again, because I guess I wasn’t clear, I am not going to go through every single scenario of who offers coverage and who gets it and how much does it cost, because I have no clue, so maybe ask a McDonalds employee (who flips burgers and isn’t management) all the details?

People buy privately because (as I already said) “almost all full-time jobs” offer insurance. What if you aren’t working, aren’t covered on your spouse’s insurance, working only part-time, etc., etc., etc. Maybe some of those people choose to pay for private coverage?

I love USA so it sounds like a fantastic opportunity. Will the airline help with the immigration side of things?

It could be an incredible opportunity as a family and I'd go for it but I completely understand your reservations.

The states have guns but the knife crime in the UK is getting worse and worse. I'm terrified for my sons future.

Guns there and knifes and machetes here. However, here as welll as there the majority are not affected. Specially if you live in a safe area and earn a decent amount. About not feeling home that is what all people who moves countries feel like. If you are worry about being short of cash in the U.K. brace yourself.

All I know is the US is the only first world country where people go bankrupt because of the health care system (it’s actually the number one cause of bankruptcy in the US). Absolutely no one outside the US envies your system.

Yeah because there's absolutely no racism in the US 🙄

For the people giving you worries about healthcare. Is the NHS reliable? Btw private healthcare is going the same way here and add the possibility of being taxed as private schools. The US anti sentiment is ingrained here as seen in BBC bias documentaries.

@Frinklegthere will always be people who do not have the mental risk capacity to take a move like this. Many moons ago I took a job abroad - some guy said to me " but what if you don't like it, you might find it hard to get a job when you come back" . I went and guess what? I never came back - until 34 years later. Some people have the appetite for it and others don't.

Anyway OP it’s really up to you and your family. You’re getting a lot of different viewpoints on here, obviously as that was the point of your post, to hear different opinions. I guess Connecticut is probably one of the better places to go. Just because some of us wouldn’t want to live in the US doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move. I’d imagine on a pilot’s salary there your family would have an amazing life. You just need to have a good family talk and weigh up the pros and cons. Good luck with whatever you decide.

And I don’t remember asking for anyone’s envy, I only wrote about my personal experience. I could also write about my son noticing a small bump on his abdomen on a Sunday, and having surgery only four days later to have it removed. Or my being hospitalized for a week last year and paying $52 all total out-of-pocket, including for the ambulance that took seven minutes to get to me.

America, like every other country in the world, is made up of people who have more than others, sadly, but if you have an education and a decent job, it can be a great place to live, Trump notwithstanding.

Gated communities don't mean you have to stay there all the time, and Connecticut is glorious, so providing the deal stacks up with family health cover and so on I wouldn't hesitate

MN's notoriously anti-American though, so although the state's been Democrat since the early 90's you'll still be advised to expect untold horrors

Just go for it. Life is short and you can always come back.

Ignoring all the political posts, I think you have to weigh up what your life would be like here verses there.

I know people who have moved permanently and it had been a huge success, but I also have a friend who was there on a 3 year posting with her husband’s work and found it very lonely. People were friendly at the school gate, but never reciprocated an invitation to come over for tea. They already had their friends, their family etc and didn’t need anyone else.

Another consideration when you have children is whether you mind if they become American. Their lives will be there, so bringing them home can be harder the older they get. Then before you know it you feel stuck there forever.

It’s all very well saying he’s “white passing” and his surname is ambiguous, but all his official documents, every form he signs will detail his race. Unless he’s going to lie that he’s Caucasian. And then is his father never going to visit?
What kind of message will it give your children that part of their heritage needs to be covered up?

Americans are very good at sniffing out touches of colour as part of general conversation, even African Americans do it ime, it’s not seen as unacceptable.

If he looks Mediterranean whether that’s Italian or Spanish be aware that if he’s mistaken for Hispanic (which isn’t even a race) - ie from Latin America - that’s not seen as white in the US.

In short - financially potentially more comfortable (although higher mortgage rates and property taxes will dent that), racially less comfortable, safety less comfortable.

These points about health insurance are an interesting wider debate but are mostly irrelevant to OP. Her DH’s job offers good insurance. The family’s immigration status is also tied to the DH’s job. So there’s no scenario where they’re going to be without decent coverage. If he loses his job they will have to leave the country anyway so the insurance coverage won’t be a concern.

I’d definitely consider it. And I’m half Indian. It sounds like an adventure and a chance to improve your standard of living.

Can you spend a block of time there before you decide?

What’s your back up plan if it doesn’t work out?

Good luck OP x

The mcmansion would take about seven hours a day to clean. But I guess you'll have a maid?

It doesn't float my boat in this climate tbh. I used to live in NY back in the early 2000s. It was alright but there's something really stressful about the vibe. But then somewhere like Greenwich CT would be really quiet and boring and not far from the city.

I guess you can always move back if it goes tits up though. But it would be a real upheaval. Don't go just because of your husband and his job. There needs to be more reasons than that for you personally. I guess the pool is one.

Go for it! What an adventure, and the house looks amazing. Ignore the doomsayers, they watch too much BBC news.

I think you’ve got this the wrong way round! Trump is a corrupt narcissist recorded as saying his driving goal is to be the most famous, most powerful and most rich person in the world. Starmer is a man who scrubbed his brother’s toilet clean after he died last Christmas, bought his disabled dying mother a field so she could still see the donkeys, and spent his career in Human Rights law defending the under dogs.

This government’s been pretty inept at communications and made bad missteps, but if integrity is your benchmark then I know who I’d rather have in charge.

OP, if you’re black I wouldn’t go. If you’re using contraception and still child-rearing age I wouldn’t go unless you’re willing to have another baby. If you have health conditions requiring medical care I wouldn’t go.

Given the opportunity I would go for it for v these reasons. I love America ( not its politics and I havent been for years) but I would love to go to the California National Parks, the Great Lakes etc. I have been to a lot of U S cities and loved them. The politics are crap but day to day Id imagine its not massively life affecting ( especially in Conneticut) and you can always come home after a few years. I have older children though so dont have to worry about custody/ one parent disagreeing re staying etc. I think unfortunately as a professional couple on a good salary and presumably paid for healthcare you will have a brilliant life compared to other Americans. But most of the people on MN have a brilliant life compared to the worlds poor and dispossessed.

Married to an American, we’re both white, MC, plenty of money, 2 kids.
no, would be by answer, not with children, and double no with mixed race children. Guns, shooter drills, crime levels = can’t begin to explain how much safer you are and feel in U.K. compared to being in the USA.

We were a no for many reasons even pre-Trump, but now? Absolutely not.

I would go for it. America is huge. We did a big trip in 2009, though as tourists it is different. Amazing opportunity.

I would consider it. Having been to America a number of times and having family there. However I don’t have young kids.

Some of us are Brits living in USA!