Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand people who talk about being the first in their family to go to uni like it’s a badge of honour?

695 replies

Kyrgyzstan · 12/11/2025 14:45

Sorry if this sounds dismissive of their achievements but isn’t it less of a rags to riches tale of personal achievement and more of a generational difference? I mean barely any of our parents generation went to university and now it’s pretty much expected if you want a half way decent job.

Obviously if you were raised by heroin addicts and managed to still get good grades and go off to uni that’s different but the children of ordinary parents who just didn’t go to university talking about it like a huge achievement sounds a little strange to me?

OP posts:
stargirl27 · 12/11/2025 17:18

It's so funny when people make these AIBU threads, are overwhelmingly told that they are BU and continue to double down!

PorridgeAndSyrup · 12/11/2025 17:18

BadgernTheGarden · 12/11/2025 17:07

And of course that 5% were nearly all children of at least comparatively wealthy families, who could afford their children not to work to supplement the family income. I remember a neighbour saying, 'you wouldn't be supporting a great (meaning big) boy of 16'. Her 16 year old was offered to stay on at school, but it wasn't going to happen!

Same when my mum went to university (very much against her parents’ wishes), her mum was “ashamed” that her adult daughter was still in school. University went so against the working class culture, there was real resistance to it.

2GreatFatSquirrels · 12/11/2025 17:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

2GreatFatSquirrels · 12/11/2025 17:18

Kyrgyzstan · 12/11/2025 14:53

Is it really? If the family were normal but just didn’t go to uni? My parents didn’t go to uni like the majority of people their age. I’m mid twenties and haven’t been yet but will when my kids are a little older. I don’t think it will be a grand achievement just what’s expected in this day and age compared to years ago when it didn’t matter as much

I mean you haven’t been… so how would you know how much of an achievement it is? It’s easy to wave off other people’s achievements when you haven’t bothered to do it yourself.

Lots of people who are the first to go are the symbol of their family line being socially mobile. They’re the first to move up in the world into professional roles. And often they’ve had to graft to get there despite having to work throughout uni to pay for things that those who are more privileged may not.

When I got my first degree I worked 20 hours a week alongside study. My boyfriend, whose parents had been to uni, got sent £150 a week from his much better off parents. See how he had more time, energy and money to invest in his degree?

2GreatFatSquirrels · 12/11/2025 17:18

Kyrgyzstan · 12/11/2025 14:53

Is it really? If the family were normal but just didn’t go to uni? My parents didn’t go to uni like the majority of people their age. I’m mid twenties and haven’t been yet but will when my kids are a little older. I don’t think it will be a grand achievement just what’s expected in this day and age compared to years ago when it didn’t matter as much

I mean you haven’t been… so how would you know how much of an achievement it is? It’s easy to wave off other people’s achievements when you haven’t bothered to do it yourself.

Lots of people who are the first to go are the symbol of their family line being socially mobile. They’re the first to move up in the world into professional roles. And often they’ve had to graft to get there despite having to work throughout uni to pay for things that those who are more privileged may not.

When I got my first degree I worked 20 hours a week alongside study. My boyfriend, whose parents had been to uni, got sent £150 a week from his much better off parents. See how he had more time, energy and money to invest in his degree?

Goldenbear · 12/11/2025 17:18

Kyrgyzstan · 12/11/2025 17:16

No, pictures posted on instagram of the big day they graduated no mention of what they studied. Is that so unusual?

Yes!

TheLemonLemur · 12/11/2025 17:19

Why should people not be proud? It is inherently more difficult when you don't come from an academic background or a family who don't value education. My parents and grandparents were working class, one parent barely attended school due to caring responsibilities at home, older siblings all left school and went to work straight away. My parents were proud of me not just because I got into uni, but the work I put in to fund myself for four years, and study, pass exams etc with no one able to guide or advise from my family

Youdontseehow · 12/11/2025 17:20

moneyadviceplease · 12/11/2025 17:07

I think this is the elephant in the room. I see too many people on the parents groups asking about random courses in low ranked universities which aren’t worth the paper they’re written on and they’re being told a lie that all degrees are equal and it doesn’t matter what you do or where you go it’s just about a degree and it’s really not. It’s unfair for people to believe that and then be shocked when their child finds it doesn’t offer any advantage or open any doors. I don’t men Russell group or not Russell group, there are plenty of outstanding degrees in non RG unis but we’ve got to stop pretending and telling our kids just get any degree from anywhere

Couldn’t agree more.

I do feel the tide is turning though. At my Uni, we are getting more refusals of offers with survey feedback suggesting some potential students are opting for apprenticeships and “sandwich” courses.

Donna1001 · 12/11/2025 17:27

sittingonabeach · 12/11/2025 15:00

Doesn't it come up in uni applications, can give rise to contextual offer if parents haven't been to uni

Yes, my daughter was offered a place on lower grades because neither her dad or I went to university.

i wasn’t cut out for uni, (didn’t even do Alevels), & her dad just wanted to get a job.

i am hugely proud off my daughter going to uni, whether first in the family (which she is on my side ), or not.

Goldenbear · 12/11/2025 17:28

Youdontseehow · 12/11/2025 17:20

Couldn’t agree more.

I do feel the tide is turning though. At my Uni, we are getting more refusals of offers with survey feedback suggesting some potential students are opting for apprenticeships and “sandwich” courses.

Uni is so expensive so I would say probably more of an achievement if you have to work as well as study term time to fund it. I mean DH and I are on good money but our DS will get the lowest maintenance loan so he's deferred and is working this year to help pay his way next year. We have a massive mortgage and are mid 40s so no windfall property, at the end of the day we are lucky and have grandparents helping him. So I would very much argue it's a massive achievement if you don't have all that financial backing!

AgnesX · 12/11/2025 17:34

That's a mean point of view. Just because it's common in your circles doesn't mean it's common in everyone's.

Also getting in is one thing, but hanging in there and getting a decent degree is still big achievement.

Gair · 12/11/2025 17:38

I don't think it's anyone's business to tell others which achievements they are allowed to be proud of. However, in the interest of furthering this disussion with an even handed look at the stats, may I recommend the following links:

https://www.nuffieldfoundation.org/news/first-in-family-university-students-need-more-guidance-navigating-education-system

https://blog.ukdataservice.ac.uk/first-generation-university-students/

The Data Service analysis (2022) shows that a "first in the family" pupil is half as likely to attend university as the child of graduates. I think that that is still a massive gap, and that many of those students must surmount considerable obstacles in getting into - and, importantly, completing - university education. Here's an overview of their findings taken from the blog:

"Our research found that access to university is still not equal.

Take two young people of the same age, with similar GCSEs and who come from a similar socioeconomic background; except that one has graduate parents while the other has not. The one without graduate parents would be almost half as likely to go to university as the other.

More specifically, the probability of university participation by parental education is 34% for potential first in family students, while for those with graduate parents the probability is 72%.

While at university, first in family students are three percentage points less likely to attend elite universities than their peers with university-educated parents.

They were also four percentage points more likely to drop out of university than students whose parents have a degree, conditional on their prior attainment and a range of demographic characteristics.

We found that having non-graduate parents is one of the most important barriers to university participation; more important than free school meal eligibility and the neighbourhood where you live, for example.

Interestingly, among women, we found that parental education inequalities continue in the labour market.

In their mid-20s, first in family graduate women earn about 7% less than graduate women with graduate parents. Among graduate men, we find no such difference.

The female FiF-pay gap is partially explained through pre-university educational attainment and elite university attendance, working in smaller firms, working in jobs that do not require a degree and motherhood status."

As you can see, right through their tertiary education experience, these students have a harder time by dint of being "first in family" students.

The "first in family" effect is even worse for women, who it seems will continue to earn considerably less than equally qualified peers even after graduation.

So, I very much hope for the sake of any DDs that you may have that you do get a degree qualification. While the effect on earnings is not at an individual level, just the lousy gap on a cohort level makes it more likely that their earnings will be affected if you do not get a degree (unless their dad has one that is).

When I took my first degree (yes, as "first in family", Russell Group, 1990s) I was at a major socio-economic disadvantage to most of my fellow students (who were majority privately educated) - financially, aspitationally and social network wise. This makes a huge difference. About 20 years later I started another degree (with the aim of retraining), but had to drop out due to having a young family and the extra pressure of a child with ALN.

If you do indeed manage to complete a degree as "first in family" while also caring for your DC, you will be totally justified in feeling very proud of yourself. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

'First in family' students are more likely to drop out of university - Nuffield Foundation

Young people who are the first in the family to go to university are less likely to attend an elite institution than those with graduate parents.

https://www.nuffieldfoundation.org/news/first-in-family-university-students-need-more-guidance-navigating-education-system

Kyrgyzstan · 12/11/2025 17:40

stargirl27 · 12/11/2025 17:16

The local authority.

It can be enforced by criminal prosecution.

Of who the parent or the child? I’ve never heard of anyone dropping out and being prosecuted for it? I mean that year at 16 when I was a neet what institution knew I existed I’d finished secondary school and after a year applied for college.

All the arguments people have for bragging about being the first in the family to go to uni also apply to college. And yet I acknowledge times had just changed compared to when my parents were younger

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 12/11/2025 17:41

Goldenbear · 12/11/2025 17:28

Uni is so expensive so I would say probably more of an achievement if you have to work as well as study term time to fund it. I mean DH and I are on good money but our DS will get the lowest maintenance loan so he's deferred and is working this year to help pay his way next year. We have a massive mortgage and are mid 40s so no windfall property, at the end of the day we are lucky and have grandparents helping him. So I would very much argue it's a massive achievement if you don't have all that financial backing!

I graduated in early 00s but qualified for some help as my Mum was a single Mum, my Dad was an Economist and went to uni, i only had to work in the holidays as had enough to live off so I would argue easier then compared to now! It's difficult for us and on paper people would argue it shouldn't be due to money, where we live, our jobs, all things back in the day that would have us not worrying about paying for uni for our DC but here we are still getting help from our parents.

HollaHolla · 12/11/2025 17:43

I should have said in my previous post (I'm a first in family, 1992-1996), that I had no real idea what I was letting myself in for. I was in the highest achieving 2 or 3 kids at my large state comprehensive school, and it was assumed that I would apply, with the support of the school.

My parents always put a massive stress on the importance of education, in any form. Our Mum was a primary school teacher - in the days of a college diploma being enough - and there were always, always books in the house, and weekly library visits. I was the kid who had read everything in the child section of the (fairly small town) library before I was 12, and was allowed an adult ticket early! This voracious reading has continued throughout my life, no matter what it is - crime novels to the classics.

When I went to Uni, I was the only one from our school to go to my particular large Russell Group uni that year, and was a total fish out of water. I was in with all of these public school kids; perfectly nice, but so much more confidence than me, and with a very different sphere of life experience. I didn't know about how to put myself forward in class, or about networking with others who went to your particular brand of public school. I eventually forged friendships with many of these young people, but it took a while to 'find my tribe'. I think unis in general are so much better at making new students feel welcomed, and helping them to integrate. My parents couldn't help advise me, as this was well outwith their life experiences too.

Now, I know we do a lot for new students, no matter the background. I have directly fed into this in my institution - and in fact have been asked to speak at the local 93% Club welcomes, and school events. They're a great organisation, and I'd direct anyone to them for support and help networking, for example.
Anyway, I've now written an essay (something else I could have helpfully had advice on in 1992!) and would like to encourage anyone to know that they are not constrained by their background, and can aim to achieve their uni dreams!

The 93% Club

Transforming what it means to be state educated in Britain.

https://www.93percent.club/

TrickyD · 12/11/2025 17:44

Of course it is true that far fewer youngsters went to university in the 60s and earlier. I went in 1963. Reciting my school class register, (fixed in my memory) of the 26 of us, only four went to University. This was a girls’ grammar school; you had to pass the exam to get in.

To go on to university you needed to show evidence of being ‘clever’, usually with decent O and A levels. Slightly less clever girls went to Teacher Training colleges. Lower down the brainy ranks one or two went into nursing. Decent jobs.

These days most of these girls would be shoehorned into some sort of low level university and emerge with worthless degrees and a large debt.
The expansion of the polys and the proliferation of so-called Micky Mouse degrees and the loss of the requirement to be clever, has diminished the scope for pride in going to University.

Ddakji · 12/11/2025 17:45

Kyrgyzstan · 12/11/2025 17:40

Of who the parent or the child? I’ve never heard of anyone dropping out and being prosecuted for it? I mean that year at 16 when I was a neet what institution knew I existed I’d finished secondary school and after a year applied for college.

All the arguments people have for bragging about being the first in the family to go to uni also apply to college. And yet I acknowledge times had just changed compared to when my parents were younger

Why do you keep framing this as bragging? That’s such a nasty term to use and says a lot about you - certainly more than is says about someone who may be simply be starting a fact.

tinyspiny · 12/11/2025 17:45

NoKnit · 12/11/2025 14:49

Surely this was only a thing of 25/30 years ago when old polytechnics were becoming Unis and not things affecting the 18 year olds of 2025?

I agree with this , back in the day getting to uni was a big deal nowadays it’s less so as literally anybody can get in somewhere with even mediocre grades if they are desperate

Worldwidewebb · 12/11/2025 17:47

Ddakji · 12/11/2025 17:45

Why do you keep framing this as bragging? That’s such a nasty term to use and says a lot about you - certainly more than is says about someone who may be simply be starting a fact.

Jealousy and/or lack of understanding.

Fifiesta · 12/11/2025 17:47

Oh for gods sake you are like a stuck record!
World of difference between being proud of hard won achievements and bragging about it.
I wouldn’t bother about going to university OP, I’m not sure that you are capable of learning anything.

Kyrgyzstan · 12/11/2025 17:47

Ddakji · 12/11/2025 17:45

Why do you keep framing this as bragging? That’s such a nasty term to use and says a lot about you - certainly more than is says about someone who may be simply be starting a fact.

Ok well maybe not bragging but not merely stating a fact either. It’s usually stated in a way that implies rags to riches and that they had it really hard merely because their parents didn’t attend uni at a time when not many people did. Which feels in poor taste when so many kids are being neglected and abused

OP posts:
HelpMySocksAreTouchingMe · 12/11/2025 17:48

My DS is the first in our family to go to uni and I massively proud of him (and myself) for it. My siblings and I had a terrible childhood and lived in abuse and poverty. Having broken that cycle to the extent my child has gone to university seems like a massive achievement.

Goldenbear · 12/11/2025 17:50

Kyrgyzstan · 12/11/2025 17:47

Ok well maybe not bragging but not merely stating a fact either. It’s usually stated in a way that implies rags to riches and that they had it really hard merely because their parents didn’t attend uni at a time when not many people did. Which feels in poor taste when so many kids are being neglected and abused

Again, avoiding my point about the data

Ddakji · 12/11/2025 17:51

Kyrgyzstan · 12/11/2025 17:47

Ok well maybe not bragging but not merely stating a fact either. It’s usually stated in a way that implies rags to riches and that they had it really hard merely because their parents didn’t attend uni at a time when not many people did. Which feels in poor taste when so many kids are being neglected and abused

Why such a race to the bottom? Are you really saying that anyone who hasn’t come from an abusive background should 100% expect to go to uni as a norm?

Again - even now 50% of people don’t go to uni.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 12/11/2025 17:51

Kyrgyzstan · 12/11/2025 16:09

Already said because I was a young mother. I will go soon and tons of people my age have been. When back in our parents days barely anyone went. It’s not jealousy just an observation that it’s a generational difference

I think you’re down playing your own achievements. And aren’t recognising it in others or yourself.

you went back to college to get level 3 quals after you’d had a baby at 16. You intend to go onto uni. This is an achievement! You have done well.
I work in post 16 education and what you’ve done is challenging. Dont undersell what you’ve done so far.