To not understand people who talk about being the first in their family to go to uni like it’s a badge of honour?

[Kyrgyzstan]

Sorry if this sounds dismissive of their achievements but isn’t it less of a rags to riches tale of personal achievement and more of a generational difference? I mean barely any of our parents generation went to university and now it’s pretty much expected if you want a half way decent job.

Obviously if you were raised by heroin addicts and managed to still get good grades and go off to uni that’s different but the children of ordinary parents who just didn’t go to university talking about it like a huge achievement sounds a little strange to me?

That’s on me tbh if I’d paid more attention at school when they had those careers day things I wouldn’t have been so ignorant

What do you want to be when you grow up @Kyrgyzstan ?

If you'd have had parents talking to you about careers, education and the importance of paying attention maybe that would have made a difference.
What you need to understand is that we don't make decisions in a vacuum. We are influenced by our parents, our upbringing, our community, cultural norms etc. Often without realising it.

I went to law school and medical school. I was singled out in my first class in law school as being the only one there from a family whose parents were not tertiary educated (in fact I was the first to finish high school in my family). It came up again and again as its information that is collected. We know that first in family students are less likely to study things like law and medicine, more likely to fail and more likely to drop out.

Im glad you never experienced the sense of clearly not belonging to your cohort, it was extremely unpleasant. I wish it on nobody.

Its not a badge of honour and I would find anyone who used this term about my experience to be rather stupid.

If you are first generation student, and you come from a school where you were one of very few to stay on post 16, then one of two or three (from a starting year group of 400) to progress to higher education then yes, I do think that's impressive. If you've been surrounded by people calling you a swot, bumlicker, teacher's pet, just for being able to read, then yes, keeping your head up and pushing on is impressive. It's not a race to the bottom, I'm impressed with lots of people for lots of things.

Why crush the living soul out of anyone for having the temerity to feel just the smallest whiff of pride in themselves? FFS. Go first time students, go pumpkin spice latte lovers, go people who want to put their Christmas tree up in October. You all rock.

If I’d posted on 30 days I’d probably have said more about myself but I don’t want to say too much in case anyone irl recognises it’s me sorry

OP, in many ways, it's admirable that you take responsibility for your own decisions and mistakes etc. As a society, we do need people to take responsibility and not to look for excuses or scapegoats etc.

But in many ways, I think you're being too hard on yourself because you're choosing not to consider the impact of structural inequalities on your choices. The point is that you didn't make those choices in a vacuum.

You sound like fun. Why do you care so much? Can't people be proud of themselves?

I agree you are being very hard on yourself. I had conversations with my dd from a pretty young age. I can vividly remember a conversation in our car about how a relative couldn’t apply for job he wanted as didn’t have a degree when she was in junior school.
This type of support is recognised as making a difference. To address this universities may offer you a lower grade offer to try and level playing field.
If you are interested in learning more maybe look for a degree that covers this type of research.

If you do decide to explore uni the higher education board on here is very knowledgeable.

I’ve just been reading through this full thread as it’s a subject which greatly interests me. I don’t have much to add to the comments and responses to the OP – everything has already been said and I wish you luck for the future.

What I do want to say though, is that this thread has been such a comfort to me in a very strange way.I’ve never come across anyone before who has had the same experience as me: first in family to attend uni but family being so unsupportive, and even now I’m in my 40s, keeping up the “ideas above her station” narrative. It’s isolating and it’s hard. When I went to uni (late 90s), it seemed pretty clear that everyone else had a family history, experience and knowledge. Getting to grips with the study schedule and expected academic level was one thing but navigating the systems, hierarchies and processes was a completely different ballgame and something that everyone else just understood – either because it had been part of their family lexicon all their life, or because they had people to ask, when unsure. Getting to uni was a huge achievement. Staying there, and graduating was, IMO, even moreso.Since then, I’ve come across many other firsts in family people whose families have been incredibly proud of them.I’ve never met anyone else in my situation whose family actually and actively discouraged this path and continue to see my degree almost as a source of shame, rather than pride. I was sure I couldn’t have been the only one and this thread has uncovered so many familiar stories. For this, I’d like to thank the OP for raising this discussion, and others for sharing their stories.

That’s takes a maturity that many teens just don’t have.

I was the 1st in my family( including extended family) to go to Uni. The 2nd was my younger sibling. The THIRD - my mum. In her 40s, working fulltime she did a degree part-time which took 5 years rather than the usual 3.
She loved it, it was hard work but she nailed it and we were all far more proud of her than any of the rest of us.
its never too late.

It’s a really big deal. The process of educating yourself can dislocate all sorts of family and class bonds - who am I, what’s important to me, where am I going with my life. Social mobility can be a very painful, alienating process. Someone on another thread recommended this book - it’s quite an interesting read polished:%20College,%20Class,%20and%20the...%20https%3A//www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0226833046?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

My parents were talking to me from when I was 8 about what degree I would need and what subjects I would need to focus on to get into my career of choice (doctor, which all came from me not them - I was very keen on Casualty). I was supported and helped by them every step of the way, yes including help with GCSE revision, being taken to open days, reading prospectuses in the library (this was pre-internet). Without all of that it is unlikely I would have known what to do by myself, or would even have seen being a doctor as a realistic possibility. There’s not a cat in hell’s chance they would have let a pregnancy derail me going to university.

I was first in my family to go to university, but my parents were highly invested in my education. Your family obviously weren’t, which is what everyone on here is talking about.

Your parents were very focused on helping you which is fantastic but is it really common? I read the other day that apparently one in seven kids doesn’t even have a winter coat and one in four hasn’t got a bed. Not to mention the uk is a nation of alcoholics and everywhere I look there’s drunk parents who can’t be bothered to get rid of their kids lice or wash their school clothes.

Even if my parents had been more like your own 15 year old me was extremely stubborn and anti abortion they would not have been able to convince to abort no matter how hard they tried

It is amongst children who end up at university which is exactly the point.

It’s common in certain demographics which is the point we’re making

I live in a regular town, mixed demographic if anything a little “leafy” (an expression I stole from mumsnet) southern England. Even then it’s not too hard to have your kids be top of the class merely through making them practise reading at home. Definitely not much tutoring or tiger parenting going on round here

What I just found on google that has interested me is this
52.5% of female pupils in England had entered higher education by age 19 in 2023/24, versus 39.5% of males

Now that I thought would be the other way round.

Probably reflects males more likely to go into trades or join arm services. Whereas lots of traditionally female professions like nursing or primary teaching now need a degree.