To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

[Ticklyoctopus]

Because the people saying it usually have grandparent help and would never actually let a virtual stranger with just a DBS check actually look after their toddlers, change their nappies, get up with them in the night etc?

It’s just a really frustrating response. I know you can ask nursery staff if they do it, and we have, and I would trust them, but most have small children themselves so understandably decline. My friends have small kids themselves, and my few local childfree relatives just really aren’t the kind of people you would trust to watch a toddler even for 20 minutes.

AIBU to think ‘get a babysitter’ just isn’t practical in many cases?

We don’t have family very available either, only my mum who has caring responsibilities for my brother so I don’t like to ask her often.

I agree the just ‘get a babysitter’ thing can be annoying. We’ve had people suggest it for weddings hundreds of miles away which is totally unrealistic. I wouldn’t leave with a stranger. My two are 3.5 and 1. We have two trusted babysitters we use every now and then for an afternoon or evening to ourselves. My son’s key worker from nursery and a family friend who‘s a student and works in nurseries. I trust them to do nappy changes, feed, bath them etc. This works well for us but wouldn’t ask a babysitter to do overnight!

When the children were this young we used our nanny to babysit when needed.

We have family for help in the day and the occasional overnight, but not evenings.

Ours both are complicated due to health issues and neurodiversity. Both have sleep issues (one medicated), which means that it's about half 10 before both are asleep! One had a physical disability which means that despite being school age she sometimes needs a nappy change due to poo.

They'd both struggle with being left with someone. They both struggle hugely when just one of us is at home in the evening, let alone both of us.

So the very occasional night away courtesy of grandparents or a day time date it is.

I would never, ever trust a stranger to take care of my kids. No matter what.

I agree it's not easy to get a babysitter, I would never have used a stranger. We had no family support so we simply didn't go out as a couple for a few year's & that's not ideal either. It's tough x

I do think once they get to 3/4 if you have some friends from nursery it’s worth creating a babysitting circle if you have a partner who can be home with yours - personally I would make it paid but at a sensible rate like say£8 an hour plus cab - that way it avoids the ‘Sarah always wants sitters but never sits’ scenario .

Are babysitting groups based on people in your road or nearby no longer a thing? You got to go and sit in someones house eating lovely snacks watching tv and earning some hours for when you wanted someone from the group to babysit at your house, the group members used to meet every so often so the children knew the babysitters.

Why would anyone use a stranger.

Don't most people use a neighbour's daughter/ friend's daughter/ daughter of someone they know in a club.

When I was a teenager, I babysitted for my mum's friends, and for my neighbours.

I’m far from being paranoid but I can’t imagine being comfortable with this.

Besides, it assumes a) everyone has children who b) need a babysitter (no available / willing family) and c) of around the same age.

And not everyone lives on residential streets.

I feel you on this OP. We have no family support and I'd not be comfortable leaving my kids with a babysitter until they are 4ish and aren't going to be scared of they wake up and mummy/daddy isn't there. Our youngest is nearly there so we might, finally, get to go out together for the first time in 7 years! Invites to child free weddings generally just the one of us who is actually invited goes. So I went to my uni friends wedding alone, DH went to his cousin's wedding alone.

I will definitely "just get a babysitter" when the kids are older but when they are very little it's not an option imo. And people who have no support genuinely have no idea what it's like.

Years ago there were babysitting circles. It didnt cost anything to go out.

Yes, as someone without family nearby to help it’s really noticeable that it’s only ever those who do have that help who are so casual about hiring babysitters. I actually don’t know a single person who regularly hires a babysitter, just people who don’t need to who think it’s cheap and easy!

Those who do have the family help are always shocked when they’re told that actually it’s nearly £70 to hire a babysitter for an evening out, when you factor in travel time and don’t want to be rushing the night out.

I didn't live on residential streets. I lived in the countryside when I was a teen, and I used to babysit for my nearest neighbour two miles away.

Can I ask - what do you think will happen, if you leave your toddler with a babysitter.

When I babysat a toddler, most of the time she was asleep. Sometimes I would read her books.
The mother left me a list of emergency numbers.

Nothing bad happened in two years

what do you think will happen, if you leave your toddler with a babysitter

I have left my then-toddler with a babysitter. I have absolutely no issue with it. I didn’t do it often because of finances but a couple of times when pregnant with DD we got a babysitter for DS, who was then two.

But leaving my toddler with a babysitter with some qualifications in childcare and a DBS check is very different to leaving them with anybody who offers because they live near you!

We have a nanny since my kids were newborns. She is on Bubble and she does the occasional babysitting at night or on the weekends. I have given her stellar recommendations on the app and happy to recommend her to anyone that asks for occasional help. She is amazing and I trust her 100%.

I know quite a few people who hire babysitters, however, they also the type of have nanny's. They can afford childcare. I think it who depends on the circumstances whether I would hire baby sitter particularly if my children was under 5.

I agree op. It could be because my dd is still only 3 and can sometimes wake up at night etc. I just wouldn’t trust a stranger to deal with her. If it were a nursery worker who she knows it may be different. All of my close friends have their own kids and busy lives. I have no family support other than dh so that means we can’t go out together.

It’s just how it is for some people. Fair play to those who will happily leave their little ones with a babysitter but it’s not something I’d be comfortable with at this stage.

I didm't have a DBS check or qualifications when I looked after a toddler.

I was 15. Simpler times I guess.

I am still friends with that toddler now. She is an adult now. She remembers me as a great babysitter! I am still friends with the parents too

Sign up with Sitters, seriously. We didn’t have other help. Nursery staff were unreliable as babysitters and there were times we needed cover. Lots of families in London are in the same position as you.

It is different times. I don’t think many people would leave a toddler with a fifteen year old, unless older sibling or very well known family friend who the toddler already knows (and I personally wouldn’t; it’s too big a responsibility IMO.)

That is not suggesting it was wrong at the time; in the same sort of way I was walking home alone aged eight, it wouldn’t happen now, it was right at the time IYSWIM.

Gds attends a private nursery and dd2 has definitely used one of the staff as a babysitter.

I do think that people are a lot more anxious now.

However, teenagers definitely still babysit fot families.

I work with teenagers. A lot of the girls have part time babysitting jobs at the weekends. Some of them advertise on facebook pages

When ours were littler we went out once they were asleep, stayed relatively nearby the first few times we used a babysitter and came home if there was an issue. So kids asleep by 8 out and home by 10.30. We used mostly parents of kids a similar age and swapped turns so everyone could go out. It meant they knew what to do with that age baby/toddler. Didn't leave with anyone in the day till they were much older and easier to look after.
You could goto a pub or bar or friends house 9-11. You have to start somewhere?

My family all live over 100 miles away and my eldest is severely disabled.

We always did (when we could afford it!). Childminder's teenage daughters did it for us, not for whole nights, but for daytime/evening. (We had no grandparents or other family help.)
We also had a baby sitting circle set up with other parents in school who were in similar situation, which was the majority. In primary I can only think of 2 families with grandparents who helped on a regular basis. Most were still working themselves.

That sounds very sensible.

A few hours at a time, at the start