Why do people waste their life in this way?

[Whythatdoor]

I know of a family friend, in his early 70s. He has some health challenges but he’s mobile and still has all his faculties. He’s not at deaths door, I appreciate, but likewise he’s not in the first flush of youth.

He spends nearly all his time watching rolling news, getting massively worked up about things, and firing off emails. His latest moan is bias at the BBC. He’s sent them lots of emails and shares FB posts several times a day. He’s obsessed with small boats, and is generally right wing.

He hasn’t got much time left on Earth, why waste it hating on everyone and everything? Why not just live his life,‘experience what he can with an open mind and an open heart while he’s still fit enough to do so?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people shouldn’t care about these things, or be interested in the news, or write to organisations if they feel strongly. But his life is consumed by it, negativity, bile, anger. I feel like I want to shake him.

AIBU?

And maybe OP is allowing herself to be bothered about how he spends his time, while she is wasting her time posting about it on MN. (And I'm wasting my time commenting on the thread!)

I agree. It's nothing to do with taking an interest in the news- there is nothing wrong with that, it's using the news to feed into a negative cycle of complaining, perpetual victimhood and moaning.

I think there are a number of reasons why people do it. Firstly, brain neuroplasticity- the more negative thoughts you have, the more your brain creates neural networks around that topic. Thoughts therefore change brain chemistry and it becomes habitual. Also- confirmation bias- the more you search for a specific negative thing, the more you will find it. Same goes for positive things.

Secondly, the whinging and moaning feeds a need to be right and superior to others. Its an ego driven activity that rewards the person with thoughts that they are righteous and the only one to really see whats going on so they are constantly giving themselves little rewards for being negative.

Thirdly, it reinforces the idea that they are the victims and therefore deserving of attention and sympathy. It also means they can justify not getting off the sofa and actually taking any action because whats the point?- the world is set against them anyway. Anger as an emotion can also be quite addictive as it pumps you with adrenaline.

Its very sad and I have seen people waste their entire lives in such negative spirals whilst marinating in anger and bitterness and its really bad for you physically too.

The news is already negative and rage-inducing - add that to addictive social media platforms that are essentially behaviour modification tools and people spiral into a dark hole. It's happening everywhere and is having frightening political ramifications.

I agree with the OP. I'm 70 and I'm determined to make the most of every day I have left. Nothing earth shattering maybe but I see friends for different activities, exercise, learn new skills, volunteer for charity and take part in cultural activities on my own if necessary. My husband walks the dog then sits watching daytime tv most days. I'm not going down that road.

But he can’t get on with enjoying life’s experiences, because everyone’s out to get him, he’ll be tripping over small boats left, right and centre, and he’ll be excluded from everything because he’s an old, white man, and we all know that it’s black, 3-year old transexuals who really run the country. Or something like that.

I feel that once you reach a certain age, you've seen enough and end up counting down the days. It's not outrage for the sake of outrage, it's being fed up of nearly all aspects of life. People are living longer, seeing more of things while not in the greatest of health and they feel like they're hanging on for the hell of it.

He's spent his whole life making others better off than himself, he's still paying taxes and he knows the state will try to get it's grubby mitts on his savings via IHT once he's gone.

Let him be.

I wonder what they would do if the country wasn't such a disaster? Potter in the garden, queue in the post office and go on cruises I suppose, much healthier.

Many people like being "keyboard warriors" .It means they can basically have a rant ,put the world to rights without any comeback! In his 70s he has surely earnt the right to do as he pleases? He may live to 100 for all you know! He is hardly alone ,anyway. There are loads of people like this .live and let live as they say

The more powerless some men feel, the more they shout.

I'd like to see everyone who's still alive vote again on this thread when they've reached the age of 70 and see what the result is then.

Trust me, life changes when you're old and the things some of you want older people to be doing get a lot, lot harder.

Just as is none of the business of old folk to tell young people to get their noses out of their phones, old folk using them is nobody else's business either.

Kinda like people do on Mumsnet eh?

As an older person myself I totally disagree.

I am 70 and have posted twice agreeing with the OP.

People in this thread who are 70 have agreed with the OP so you are wrong I'm afraid.

Also- absolutely noone is "telling" this man what to do, OP is merely asking why people exhibit this behaviour and what they get out of it is all.

Having an angry negative attitude isnt solely limited to people aged 70 and above either- I have seen it in all ages and I know for a fact that its making those people feel crap.

Takes all sorts. He probably considers himself an activist

Why waste your time worrying and stressing about what this man does all day?

Bully for you, you are one person not every 70 year old in country.

Perhaps they didn't want her last months and moments together to be to the tune of Dave and Jimmy singing along to Kiss FM when not making the house shake from 7am with power tools and cement mixers?

And people get angry that their loved ones are suffering, will die and no one else cares. Your friend gave him a massive thing to worry about, resent and focus upon.

Many of the changes which have occurred in this country have occurred because people angry at the current state of affairs have been doing the equivalent of firing off angry emails.

Maybe you would have told the suffragettes to do something more interesting with their lives and stop wasting them?

How vocal have you been about the useful idiots wasting every Saturday waving flags of terrorists?

What would you like this man to be going? Not protesting against things you like?

stop wasting your life writing angry judgemental SM posts

What would all the highly intelligent, passionate, retired older women who are still campaigning for women's rights do if things weren't in such a state? I don't imagine this man and I would find a single area on which we agreed, but we should be able to disagree with his views without belittling people of his age group.

I know exactly the type of person you are talking about and yes, its really sad.

A bit of complaining is normal, but making it your entire personality is so tedious and it will make you lonely because who wants to listen to the same old complaints day in day out?

I didn't say every 70 year old will be the same, I said I'd like to see a rerun of the vote when all the voters have reached 70, and see whether they still criticise this man when they have experienced getting older.

He has no locus of control - he can't work hasn't put effort into volunteering and seeing the real world around him and has no other way to feel he is "contributing". I think a lot of us are feeling similar types of unease with the huge influx of AI. It's taking jobs and money and taxes away from the public and none of us feel as secure. Imagine being 70 and having no other way to be heard? I do think we need some form of volunteer outreach service that helps people volunteer for good causes locally. Getting someone like this to actually help would likely help with any racism and enable him to see things from a different view point, as well as getting him out of the house. I thought the same with the ppl tying flags to posts; if they only could use that energy helping their own community they might find more purpose in life and help sort the issues they complain about all the time.

Those saying “It makes him happy” and “he’s getting some kind of enjoyment from it” - does it though? Is he?

My own father is a bit like this. Constant negativity and critical of everything and everyone. Every time I talk to him, he rehashes the same rants. It’s so depressing.

A pp called it ‘marinading in anger’ and that’s bang on. He is not happy, not at all, and it’s such a shame. I get that it comes from deep frustrations with his own life choices and what fate has thrown at him, but I just wish he could find a way to be philosophical and make the best of the years he has left. There’s so much he could enjoy if he chose to.

His gp suggested he might be depressed, but that made him even more angry. I think his gp is probably right.

Agree. And OP seems hugely invested in what he does, even to the point of him firing off lots of emails. Who would know this without standing over him 24/7. It’s virtue signalling at its best - ‘why can’t that person be like me?!’ type of thing. Doesn’t sound like he’s close family that it would affect your life in any way. Could flip this and say you need to focus yourself on your own family and how to live the best versions of yourself, because you’re taking that away from them by investing your headspace in someone else.