Why do people waste their life in this way?

[Whythatdoor]

I know of a family friend, in his early 70s. He has some health challenges but he’s mobile and still has all his faculties. He’s not at deaths door, I appreciate, but likewise he’s not in the first flush of youth.

He spends nearly all his time watching rolling news, getting massively worked up about things, and firing off emails. His latest moan is bias at the BBC. He’s sent them lots of emails and shares FB posts several times a day. He’s obsessed with small boats, and is generally right wing.

He hasn’t got much time left on Earth, why waste it hating on everyone and everything? Why not just live his life,‘experience what he can with an open mind and an open heart while he’s still fit enough to do so?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people shouldn’t care about these things, or be interested in the news, or write to organisations if they feel strongly. But his life is consumed by it, negativity, bile, anger. I feel like I want to shake him.

AIBU?

Then don’t spend your later years on YouTube.

Perhaps he does spend time with people IRL. Perhaps he doesn’t want to.

I’m not sure anyone here posting on MN are the best people to criticise others’ use of social media tbh.

Ive had similar thoughts. A friend of mine was doing an extension. Perfectly acceptable, but the neighbours (older) was pushed by their children to complain at every planning submission. My friend could have pushed ahead with it but was so put off by the animosity they just bought another property and moved, keeping the other house as a rental. As they still had an interest in the property they came to learn that the wife in the neighbour couple had terminal cancer and had done the entire time they were complaining. She did eventually pass away shortly after.

When I heard I could not stop wondering why om earth you'd spend your last days of your life arguing over the extension your neighbour wants to build. And also, why a husband would want to spend the last moments he had with his wife that way.

I still wonder sometimes......

Having a terminal diagnosis doesn’t preclude you from having opinions on things!

This is what fires him up. Just let him live the life he wants.

His life. His choice. Sorted.

OP, I think I get what you're saying.
What this guy is doing just seems so wasteful doesn't it?

If you're physically capable, if you have the time, to sit on the computer and b and moan about things... It annoys me. But then I think, why does it annoy me? What difference does it make to me what he's doing? Why should I be fussed?
And true, that is the correct answer in so much that I should keep my nose out of other people's business.

I have a neighbor that does the exact same thing. He's physically capable, late 70s, financially well off, and has nothing to do all day but putter around and make sure that his bit of property looks absolutely proper. Not a single leaf out of place. (You know the type. )

Me? I'm not tooting my own horn, but I volunteer all over the city. I pick up garbage, I build feral cat shelters, I volunteer to help seniors, I volunteer to assist children. (And that's when I'm not working.)

And I think, there are so many people like my neighbor, who do nothing for anyone but themselves. They have absolutely nothing else to do but sit there in a chair in their driveway and hope a visitor comes...and if they don't, they spend their time chasing away any squirrel or any bird, pick up any leaf, sweep away any dust, and make sure their property looks absolutely perfect. For whom? (No one. Because no one comes to visit them because they're not a very pleasant person)

And I think, wouldn't they be happier if they could take some of that energy...they have the mobility, the time, they like making things spick and span, wouldn't it make so much more sense to be able to help others? Work in a community garden where the food gets shared with less fortunate, pick up garbage from parks and roadsides, take some of your talents and build something that can be used in the community? It just seems like such an incredible waste.

But that's the way they choose to live their life and that's what they choose to do with it. It would make so much more sense and be so much better for everyone if we would all help instead of being selfish but, it's their prerogative to do so. It's their life and they don't have to help anybody if they don't want to. They don't have to give any of their time, any of their skill or any of their money to anybody else because that's their choice. It's not nice, but it's their decision and, I can't say do or think anything against it.

If this is what you mean, OP, then that is what I understood by your post.
If you meant something else, then I misunderstood.
Try not to let what others do bother you.
I know it's hard.

This could be my dad.
He is early 70s, has no friends... my mum is his life. No hobbies. He just watches the news and calls up the talk radio stations.
But he insists he is happy, so.... 😕

My Nan is the same, but she has alot of family around her being encouraging and trying to cheer her up. I think its good to just be supportive.

@StruggleFlourish, @Blueprintdress, I think it is reasonable to feel annoyed or frustrated by this. You've both said the people are not putting anything into society / community, while they could. You're right that they're short-changing themselves, and they're also short-changing the world at large.

Humans are hard-wired to live in communities. Sure, there are outliers as there are in everything, but you're not describing solitary hermits. They're reasonably functional individuals who could be joining with others in some constructive way. A primitive tribe wouldn't tolerate them sitting outside their huts, contributing nothing but a load of shouted criticisms, sweeping their own front steps but never the street or a disabled neighbour's. If they didn't shape up, the tribe would get rid of them.

We no longer live in small, mutually dependent tribes. But we're still the same humans. And we do live in 'society' with similar expectations, albeit more flexibly. Your annoyance is natural.

My father is the same. He has lived a charmed life - late 60s and has no health issues, lives in a beautiful place, and due to asset inflation is worth multiple millions. My mother is still alive and she cooks for him and keeps the house. He wants for nothing and never really has. Yes he worked 'hard' but no harder than anyone else.

Yet he's so angry. At politics (he's very conservative), the world, the 'climate hysteria' etc etc. He's also racist and homophobic.

I see him rarely and call him out on his BS. It doesn't change him but I don't care anymore.

Agree. I feel sorry for people like your neighbour : do they have no family or friends at all? But as you say, people who are disagreeable drive others away.

Men lose testosterone as they get older, making them grumpier. Also they may not have achieved as much as they had expected in life. Some older men will be living in their heads in a world in which white men had superiority. They can't cope with a more complicated equal world.

Yet he's so angry. At politics (he's very conservative), the world, the 'climate hysteria' etc etc. He's also racist and homophobic.

This what I fear my soon-to-be ex would turn into. He is still living in the 80s attitude wise.

I think this is right, for both left wing and right wing. Being able to get worked up and emotionally invested in something allows you to feel a little bit more alive doesn’t it.

It's his way of making a difference.

If enough people think the same and object to negative changes caused by increased, uncontrolled immigration, or media biases then they can make a difference.

Government listens to huge public outcry.

He feels very strongly about some things, and you, about other things.

He feels very disappointed and angry because we have a feeble and pathetic government that totally lack any substance or direction? He sees his country sliding into terminal decay? Given he was around in the 60s/79s when life was so vibrant and positive it probably feels even worse to him.

As ever the first post totally nails it.

Aren't some people just like this though?

I work on a busy medical ward. Sometimes the ward is a mess, we are short staffed, super busy or people get moved to otĥr wards.
Some people seem to shrug it off and just get on with things with a smile whilst others spend their entire shift moaning and getting angry and offended about everything.
Personally I'm a smiler (I'm going to be there for the next 12 hours, why would I want to make myself miserable for all that time!?).

I don’t disagree but it’s all so subjective. I look at my MIL who sits all day watching TV and on some level judge her for not doing more with her life, but in the end it is her life and she can do what he likes with it. This complaining clearly makes him happy on some level or at least fulfilled.

This

It's a low demand way to be involved in society. He might feel exhausted by life and want to be able to contribute something, I have known other people who are that way.

None of us know how we are going to feel when we are older or how we might react if we feel disillusioned. Perhaps it helps him to make sense of the world.

Yep, imagine anyone posting on mumsnet about anything at all, having a go at other people for not living a meaningful life 😂- I fully realise that mumsnet is an absolute total and complete waste of time in all possible respects, it's just vaguely entertaining in an annoying way.

I'm sure everyone else on the thread is raising people from the dead when they're not here on mumsnet though, and can afford to look down on what an elderly man who's hurting nobody at all does with his spare time.

15 years really isn't much time, tbh.

I agree with OP that it is a very sad way to feel alive. If one feels so strongly, there are so many ways to make a positive impact on your community, society, own life. It isn't about political view, it's the outlook on life.

You could drop down dead right now. This very second. Always do something you enjoy at least once a day, because none of us ever know the minute.

I agree with you, but don't you think that people becoming obsessed with news, social media, specific views and getting angrier and angrier creates more hate and more extreme sentiment towards others? Not saying this is the case of the OP's subject, but it is how radicalisation grows.

Yup, true.