Why do people waste their life in this way?

[Whythatdoor]

I know of a family friend, in his early 70s. He has some health challenges but he’s mobile and still has all his faculties. He’s not at deaths door, I appreciate, but likewise he’s not in the first flush of youth.

He spends nearly all his time watching rolling news, getting massively worked up about things, and firing off emails. His latest moan is bias at the BBC. He’s sent them lots of emails and shares FB posts several times a day. He’s obsessed with small boats, and is generally right wing.

He hasn’t got much time left on Earth, why waste it hating on everyone and everything? Why not just live his life,‘experience what he can with an open mind and an open heart while he’s still fit enough to do so?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people shouldn’t care about these things, or be interested in the news, or write to organisations if they feel strongly. But his life is consumed by it, negativity, bile, anger. I feel like I want to shake him.

AIBU?

Im 63 and have made the decision not to get irate about things I can't change. Its actually very easy at my age to get wound up about things.
In 100 years time nobody will remember who I was or that I even existed so what's the point in ranting, I'd better enjoy the time I have left and appreciate it.

I think a lot of people find a cause to get worked up about. Certain things seem to attract a more obsessive interest. Brexit, Israel/Palestine, MSM and bias, trans, immigration and being anti trump are the ones that spring to mind.

Thing is, the OP is basing what she believes he does 'all day' based on what she sees he does via facebook etc. And then making a value judgement on this.

He might well do many other things as well, but it's not as visible to an audience.

What is wrong with taking an interest in current affairs? I assume by sending emails to organisations he is attempting to make a difference. What’s wrong with that?

where I work we handle complaints on a fairly regular basis. You can spot the regular fliers, they often are older gentlemen who had a fairly senior role, a long suffering partner, and have lost their purpose in life. And expect our CEO, or me, to drop our jobs to meet to discuss their, in the grand scheme of things, relatively minor complaints….

He is addressing what he considers to be injustices and trying to make a difference, it’s admirable in a way.

Honestly I’d l say he sounds a bit mentally unwell. This sort of obsessive repetitive behaviour isn’t healthy and I see it as a sort of sickness of our times- maybe people without a lot of community or who cannot focus on their day to day / don’t have any sense of their own purpose. I do wonder if the state of capitalism / education and lack of community for many people leads them to have no focus points in their lives and not able to create any real fulfilling purpose.

I have loads of opinions, but like OP feeding them and sending emails and petitions feels like a waste of precious life!!!

People who do pay attention and do spend their time actioning things they don't agree with are the people who are holding others to account. .I may not agree with their conclusions but I would never disrespect someone taking action for what they believe.

Would you prefer they walked a dog or met friends for coffee all day every day.

Firstly 70 is not that old, many lead active lives and a significant number are still employed. Taking an interest in something is what makes life worth living, helps keep your brain and body active and is the key to better health and possibly longer life. People enjoy getting worked up about issues.

People with less life to live usually have no more idea how much longer they have than anyone else. Unless terminally unwell, they're not going to be winding their lives down in expectation of death. As for the saying 'live every day as if it is your last' - I have no idea what that would mean for me!?

Jeez how do you think change happens! Sitting on your hands is guaranteed to achieve nothing.

Crikey, he's early 70's not 95!

Some people are older at 70ish than others. If he's had a difficult life, or doesn't process things well, he might have a much older perspective on life.

'Life expectancy for the working class in the UK is significantly shorter than for higher-income groups, with those in the most deprived areas living substantially fewer years. For example, in England between 2018 and 2020, men in the most deprived areas had a life expectancy of about 73.5 years, while men in the least deprived areas lived to be about 83.2 years. '
We are not all going to live to 95!

The difference between wasting your life obsessed and full of hate, and tirelessly campaigning for what you believe in, exists only in the eye of the beholder.

Why are you wasting time writing paragraphs on Mumsnet about how you don't understand how he can waste is time like this? You could drop dead tomorrow OP. Do you think you'll get to the pearly gates thinking "thank fuck I had a go at that old man on the internet, life would've been really meaningless if I hadn't done that"

He obviously gains some kind of satisfaction from doing this, even if it's not 'enjoyment' in a form you'd recognise.

@Whythatdoor I don't know why people use social media/ forums at midnight.
That to me is waste of life (and sleeping time!)

He’s a walking heart attack. Yes, he can live the way he wants to but it’s bloody stupid to waste your life essentially becoming radicalised by hate.

A huge amount of people of all ages make moaning, complaining and negativity their hobby. Playing the victim and learned helplessness too. It’s dull as dishwater having to listen to these fun sponge, emotional vampires. There’s loads on this site that do it too. Competitive victimhood is rife on here.

it makes him happy
leave him alone
what influence can you even have over him op?

I don’t think it’s wise to spend too much time reading the news, especially the right wing media - which we know is designed to work people up and create fear and anger. He’s been sucked in and it sounds like OP is frustrated to see people wasting their time like that. I agree, it’s sad. It’s like the Tommy Robinson march and all the gammon in London, all worked up and angry while Tommy spreads fear and collects money to spend on his lifestyle outside of the UK.
It’s a business and not reality and too many people are ruining their lives being sucked in. He (the neighbour) could be doing things for his community and spreading positivity instead.

There are quite a lot of folk like this. I suppose they do it because they get something out of it. Connection and belonging maybe, being part of something. Maybe they get dopamine hits. I do also think it’s a personality type/trait which is more prone to obsessive thinking and can go even further this way when they don’t have other things to keep them occupied.

Yes there are some people who just seem to love moaning whatever the situation. I do struggle to understand this being a glass half full kind of a person myself.

Why are you so bothered about how he spends his time? He's an adult and he chooses what he wants to do. It's not how I would want to spend my time but he probably gets some enjoyment out it.