Why do people waste their life in this way?

[Whythatdoor]

I know of a family friend, in his early 70s. He has some health challenges but he’s mobile and still has all his faculties. He’s not at deaths door, I appreciate, but likewise he’s not in the first flush of youth.

He spends nearly all his time watching rolling news, getting massively worked up about things, and firing off emails. His latest moan is bias at the BBC. He’s sent them lots of emails and shares FB posts several times a day. He’s obsessed with small boats, and is generally right wing.

He hasn’t got much time left on Earth, why waste it hating on everyone and everything? Why not just live his life,‘experience what he can with an open mind and an open heart while he’s still fit enough to do so?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people shouldn’t care about these things, or be interested in the news, or write to organisations if they feel strongly. But his life is consumed by it, negativity, bile, anger. I feel like I want to shake him.

AIBU?

Exactly. The man the OP refers to doesnt sound very happy to me, he sounds miserable AF. I am not sure why people suggesting ways to get out of that kind of mindset is bad.

He actually sounds depressed.

Getting older can be very disempowering and scary. It feels like you need to take back control. Having a “crusade” like a neighbour’s extension or “reclaiming our borders” or whatever can make you feel relevant and present in the world.

As do some women. Not confined just to men….

It’s the same people who have to buy a newspaper and believe in every word in them. Daily Mail readers are the worst for this! Had some friends who said “oh it’s in the Mail so it must be true”. I fell out with one friend who was racist from reading the paper.

Daily Mail readers caused Brexit. Those who read the paper should lose their voting rights

I have a few friends of a similar age, so a few years ahead of me. I've found that as they age their focus sharpens and instead of being broadly interested in many things they can get passionate/obsessed about things that wouldn't have held their interest for very long a few years before. I think it's a symptom of our world narrowing as we age and is why older people can get very repetitive (I know my adult children see this trait in me so I'm clearly on that path).

it can be annoying, irritating or boring but think it's patronising to say this is wasting their life. They've already had a massive amount of life, lots of people don't get the privilege of living that long. If most of their earlier years were well lived and productive a few years of trivial or minor obsessions doesn't mean it was a wasted life.

Did I mention I can be a bit repetitive?

Some people enjoy radicalising themselves. You can wonder why he enjoys working himself up but he will continue to do it so best ignore him and enjoy your own life.

I am in no way unique. The people in my exercise classes and my friends are mostly of a similar age. I am well aware that my health will eventually decline and that is why I want to make the most of it now. I don't want to spend the next how ever many years slumped in a chair. My parents didn't and I won't.

I think you are getting a hard time here! I am with you actually. My partner and i were talking about this the other day. His Mum, in early seventies, spends her time in the house rarely going out, getting cross at the tele and is always very negative and almost fearful when you speak to her. My parents, in their late seventies, get out and about, volunteer for groups, ate chairs of committees, go walking etc. Neither myself nor my partner feel his Mum is happy. Its sad for her.

Couldn't agree more

This is what I mean about volunteer engagement - if your partner's mum and this grumpy sod could be picked up by minibus twice a week to pack up food boxes for families struggling to eat for example, they'd at the very least be being useful. That would save NHS on the loneliness as well as keeping them a bit more active. Lots of studies on community engagement encouraging people into exercise and better habits.

I have a close relative like this. He’s not a letter writer but he’s certainly investing a lot of time in how we are all doomed geopolitically and economically. His audience is my elderly mother who, although a bit of a negative Nancy herself, gets sick of it.

He is highly intelligent and can be fun and witty so I, like the op, also wonder why he wastes his life and retirement on such negativity.

If I were to hazard a guess I think it’s a combination of things - it’s intellectually challenging (some do crosswords he reads about international politics) and he’s young enough to still wish for change. He’s also unhappy deep down. His marriage isn’t great, his health fails him, he has caring responsibilities. He has forgotten how to enjoy life so he deflects that into something he can tangibly rally against.

Sadly a lot of people are being manipulated by the constant flow of media.
A lot younger than this man.
I agree that he is wasting his time being angry. In 10 years nobody will remember his complaints, his family will remember how distracted he was.
It's sad.

These things are designed to suck up your attention though - it can become like an addiction where even if it stops being enjoyable, you can't easily stop.

I am nearly 76.

There seems to be almost an epidemic of this sort of thing amongst elderly people at the moment. It's as if there is nothing good about 'nowadays', yet we have lived through many crises in our lives, economic and otherwise, some far worse than the current.

What is 'funny' about this is that most of these pensioners are cosy, secure and do not encounter many problems.

The media is irresponsible and whips up this feeling with their gross hyperbole. Facebook is a-swamp with unpleasant groups of moaning, dissatisfied pensioners - rude too. It makes me feel ashamed.

If you can, ignore it, treat it lightly. Make it obvious that life is not all bad for most of us, we have much for which to be thankful. Just being alive and in not bad health is something to be celebrated. Young people have more opportunities than ever for education and skill training. Society is fairer than it ever was.

Nothing is perfect, never will be, but there's much to be enjoyed in our world. Instead of complaining, we can give younger people a helping hand from time to time so that they don't struggle as much as we did.

I agree with OP. Nothing wrong with taking an active interest in the news as a hobby or enjoying political debate. But getting angry and worked up about what’s dominating the news headlines/front pages of the newspapers (be they broadsheet or tabloid) is 99% of time a waste of energy. I still do it myself occasionally but I’m glad a lot less than usual.

This reaction is of course by design though. All news outlets be they left or right leaning do it to an extent, but something like the Daily Mail literally uses almost every front page to try to enrage/wind up its readership.

My BIL 49 and my friends ex DH 47 seem to be lost in a similar situation, my friend left her husband. Dsis will hopefully be free some day soon.
The paranoid mind only gets worse.

Can't understand why people jump on a post to correct someones spelling - we all make mistakes, it doesn't mean we dont have a grasp of the situation.

So you have different political viewpoints and your basically saying

It should say you're.

This is a brilliant post.

And I believe people who hold such silly views as this should definitely lose their right to a vote….seriously? You think that what newspaper people read should dictate whether they get to vote or not? Where do you draw the line? Are there any other publications you don’t like which would mean a ban too? Any books? Any TV programme? Maybe just try to get your head round the fact that people might have different opinions to you…….

Can you suggest he join a Political Party and work with them to change things. It would be more likely to help make those changes he wants.

Eh, because they can.
And don't give a crap what others think they "should" be doing regarding their lives.
Just my opinion.

I am sorry but he is absolutely right to get angry about bias at the BBC and thank god someone is getting angry and has the time and energy to do something about it. Things can and do change and the way that happens is by people getting angry and doing something about it. Don't you care about your children being fed lies and misinformation by the BBC? Them growing up to believe things that aren't true? I certainly do care and it sounds like he does too. Good on him. He is using his time well. Is this another fake rage bait post?

The irony of a post full of anger towards somebody else's life bemoaning the hate and anger of the subject.

You've rather wasted your own time, here, haven't you? I'm sure there's something more productive you could be doing than winding yourself up about somebody else's behaviour that I can't see actually impacts you.

If he is a family friend, maybe instead of wasting your time telling us how awful he is, you could be round there chatting to him and giving him something else to think about/do with his time.

does he have grandkids? Granddaughters? Thousands of people on small boats coming every week many are men from countries like Afghanistan where women aren’t allowed out without a man.
If he cares for his grandchildren it’s understandable to sometimes get worked up by stuff in the news, not everyone is only out for themselves