Why do people waste their life in this way?

[Whythatdoor]

I know of a family friend, in his early 70s. He has some health challenges but he’s mobile and still has all his faculties. He’s not at deaths door, I appreciate, but likewise he’s not in the first flush of youth.

He spends nearly all his time watching rolling news, getting massively worked up about things, and firing off emails. His latest moan is bias at the BBC. He’s sent them lots of emails and shares FB posts several times a day. He’s obsessed with small boats, and is generally right wing.

He hasn’t got much time left on Earth, why waste it hating on everyone and everything? Why not just live his life,‘experience what he can with an open mind and an open heart while he’s still fit enough to do so?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people shouldn’t care about these things, or be interested in the news, or write to organisations if they feel strongly. But his life is consumed by it, negativity, bile, anger. I feel like I want to shake him.

AIBU?

He sounds like a miserable old bastard - whatever his politics.

I hear what you're saying @Whythatdoor

Pmsl at the goady posts on here.

OP I hear you. You’re just asking for an opinion and they’re giving their opinion of you🤣If everyone were like him the world would be even more depressing. Negative (which he is) people bring you down. Leave him to his miserable pursuits.

The world is much nicer when surrounded by positivity, especially when I doesn’t feel like there’s much of that around at present.

Bah humbug🤭

You should definitely go and do something - anything - more significant than posting on mumsnet, if you feel making a postive impact is important. Doing some dishes, or going for a nice brisk walk or - well -- pretty much anything will have a more positive effect than posting comments appraising stranger's lives on this utterly unimportant site.

Someone I know watches 500 films a year, basically one every day and then several a day at weekends. I think it’s a massive waste of time. They think it’s a good use of time because they enjoy it.
Neither is wrong.
maybe your neighbour actually enjoys being wound up and uptight?!

Hahahahah I do lots of positive things for me, my family and my community, and I am proud of that. My baby woke up at 4am and I'm trying to feed him back to sleep so I can take a nap before my other kid wakes up. Bit of Mumsnetting is entertaining rn without waking up everyone else 💅

my mum is 81 and spends her days sitting watching TV , she’s not political though . I feel it’s a waste as she has no major health conditions and is still mobile . It’s a waste of life in my eyes but then I have to remind myself I’m not 81 so don’t know what I’ll be like at that age . Maybe some people do want a quiet easy life relaxing .

My mum is similar, and I think the same as you but have realised and accepted we are all different. Half of her hates feeling that stressed about everything and half thrives on it and I’m sure it’s keeping her going!

I have a close family member like this although with different political viewpoints. It has worsened the older he's gotten to the point he will be triggered by something mundane and low level and then relate it back to the wider topic e.g noticing a pothole becomes a rant about council spending, his taxes, the previous mayor, the politicians etc. He reads the newspaper each day and has the news on the radio constantly and all conversation seems to lead back to attempting to debate political issues.

It's wearing.

But what I have realised over the years is that deep down he is a very angry person due to multiple failed relationships, financial problems and unsatisfactory work with micromanaging bosses. He's now retired and alone. He has a lifetime of pent up frustrations. He is not one to talk about his feelings so I get the impression he can use debates about the news as an outlet for his anger. Being around it is tiring though as every conversation decends into negativity. People that angry all the time aren't just angry at that thing they're discussing - its deeper personal anger being directed somewhere else.

But that's exactly what the OP is doing.
If this man asked me for my opinion I'd say get outside and touch the grass, you're wasting your last years of life.
But he hasn't asked for my opinion, he hasn't invited open commentary on how he could best spend this season of his life.
There is no point wasting energy fretting about what it is that fills your neighbour's days.
That way tends curtain twitching.

I’ve found people get like this when they stop working and don’t have a purpose. They have to ‘find’ a purpose but cling onto the wrong things, go down the wrong paths etc. it takes effort to be so angsty and a lot (not all mind) of retired people need something to put their effort towards and those things seem like easy hits.

None of us can change that much anyway, because governments do as they like.

Whatever they promise us yo get elected. 🙄

He’s living his rest of life as he wants to, holding the beliefs he wants to. Not my way, but each to their own.

Best get on with your own life and let him be. 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely spot on.

I had this issue somewhat recently with my partner. He doesn’t use social media but loves YouTube. Watched a few videos, next thing you know his feed was completely flooded with Tommy Robinson type of content, it was relentless. He’d have a video about allotments and then next one flags! flags! flags! and then back to how to grow cucumbers.

You definitely need to be wise enough to curate your time online these days.

How old are you @Whythatdoor ?
Perhaps he is old enough to remember when things weren't a shit show, he will also remember when they were a shit show and how things spiralled.
He isn't living how you would like to live (although none of us know what it is like to be 'old' until we get there, me at 40+ is certainly not the woman I envisaged in my 20's!)
He is doing no harm, leave him be. I hope you live the positive life you are preaching on this thread until the very end of your life.

My dad is like this. He will get himself incredibly angry to the point he shouts abuse at the tv, and it’s just sad.

This.

Every TV programme and advert is endlessly trying to wring an emotion out of us and it's exhausting if you let it do this. A lot of news items are biased to do the same. This fella has not copped on and cut the rope or learned to be sanguine about it basically.

I watch almost no TV now. I've not been well and I can't bear how 'in your face' and desperate it always is. I'm not quite at the 'fluffy kittens' stage but I feel better when I limit and curate what I take in.

This.

People like this are making life worse for everyone else. They’re the ones who are paving the way for that wanker Farage to be our PM in a few years.

That’s why I care. My super-privileged brother, in his 60s, thinks Tommy Robinson is the dog’s bollocks. My late dad voted for Brexit. Things like this make life objectively worse for everyone.

He’s living his life as he wants. Lots of older people lost their desire to go out in covid, and it hasn’t come back, just like we are still seeing the effects of Covid on kids.

why hasnt he got much time left?

This is so true. I know two people like this. They were so interesting and pleasant when they worked. Now they just rant about the state of the world and do nothing all day. Has definitely put me off retiring too early!

Good posts from @GarlicHound and @StruggleFlourish

I think retirement lays heavy on many people. Some flourish whilst others (and I suspect I might be one) flounder. The internet is a wonderful thing but rolling 24 hour news can have a negative effect on people.

It might be an outlet for whatever pain he has and can't express. Sometimes, people (hopefully unwittingly) can demonstrate toxic positivity, when what's needed is an acknowledgement that the person they're doing it to, simply isn't happy.

Perhaps he feels very unhappy and only has this outlet.

I would imagine he was negative and angry in the 60s too people dont change IMO.. and talking to people who lived through it it wasnt a bed of roses then.. and many of our problems are global and/or impacted by the Brexit BS which peddled the line about the sunlit past..which ironically have made it worse...

Someone has to respond to all those complaints. I'm sure some may be justified but ime people who do this don't just stop at one. A pointless waste of resources.

I can't see why that isn't most likely to be all the same person. That those attitudes are intrinsically linked and so you'll find them in a single person because someone looking back historically who values tradition inherited from predecessors are going to be more industrious in that present building and creating that future because they see themselves as a link in that chain. Vs other people who think the past is the past, why would they care about it and tend not to care terribly about the future because they're most going to be around for it. I would be curious to see that study because it really does contradict my perception of two categories of person.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_preference

Half of the problem isn't so much what you do as what you don't do. If you don't stimulate your brain and your body (and the simplest method is to get out and see people) then your brain and body will decline quicker.

If he pootled off down the pub and had a drink with other grumbling old men, his existance would be richer for it.