Why do people waste their life in this way?

[Whythatdoor]

I know of a family friend, in his early 70s. He has some health challenges but he’s mobile and still has all his faculties. He’s not at deaths door, I appreciate, but likewise he’s not in the first flush of youth.

He spends nearly all his time watching rolling news, getting massively worked up about things, and firing off emails. His latest moan is bias at the BBC. He’s sent them lots of emails and shares FB posts several times a day. He’s obsessed with small boats, and is generally right wing.

He hasn’t got much time left on Earth, why waste it hating on everyone and everything? Why not just live his life,‘experience what he can with an open mind and an open heart while he’s still fit enough to do so?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people shouldn’t care about these things, or be interested in the news, or write to organisations if they feel strongly. But his life is consumed by it, negativity, bile, anger. I feel like I want to shake him.

AIBU?

I think life is too short to spend it wondering about how other people lives theirs

OP, would you feel differently if this person was interested in more traditionally left wing issues? If he was getting 'worked up' and 'firing off emails' about Palestine, trans rights etc then would you consider this to be a more worthy use of his time?

Maybe it's not what he's doing that you have an issue with, more the view point that he has.

I could be your friend. Except I waste time arguing with Maga ppl and Faragists online. Even endless debating with reasonable people is so time consuming. My solution was to delete Twitter and Reddit. Just make the odd small donations to good causes. Sounds like your friend would be better off turning off the news and listening to the oldies on Boom Radio !

See my post. It can be just as soul destroying for us lefties.

I agree with you. But what I realise, is often people don't want to change. He obviously thinks he's making changes in his own way with that anger. It's sad, but it's his choice. Imagine he's not got much social life so it's probably a vicious circle.

A lot has changed in a good way actually. I was born in the 50s.

I'd call it a stereotype rather than a hallmark. It isn't inevitable.

He should get a job and do something worthwhile for others

OP didn't come back, then.

John, is that you?

I know someone like that although she isn't right wing. I used to be more like that but have realised over the years that there's nothing you can do to change people's opinions. "Never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and it annoys the pig."

She thinks you have to keep trying though and thinks I'm wrong. I agree in a way and am thankful that some people devote their lives to good causes but getting angry and posting on Facebook isn't going to achieve anything. I haven't seen her for a while because I find it exhausting.

Some things have. Other things have become a lot worse.

What do you think is worse?

Looks like youve hit a few nerves OP 😂 I'm totally with you, it's an unhealthy way to live life, but I believe its not always choice. It can be steady habitation into anger as a lifestyle - starts of slow and then gradually becomes someones emotional baseline. My mum is no where near the level you describe but 40 odd years of reading the Daily Mail have definitely had an impact. It's very hard to get out of a pattern like this, and you would be mistaken to try. Keep your own heart open and live your own life as you see fit.

Just off the top of my head: the inaffordability of housing for the average family. Exhorbitant childcare costs. Massively increased burden on the NHS. Huge national debt which sucks up a large proportion of government money. Half the population shouldering all the tax burden. Increasing congestion on roads and public transport network. Huge increase in welfare dependency. Fracturing social cohesion due to mass immigration. Rise in obesity and ill health due to poor diet. Looming mass unemployment due to AI.

Its really none of your business how he chooses to spend the last of his days on this earth.
Maybe he feels like he is doing something, having his say while he still can.

Have you offered alternatives? To take him out etc?

Yes!

They could have just said that, though, right? Or they could spend their time arguing into the death bed? BTW, my friend decided they didn't want to live next to argumentative difficult neighbours anymore. They were perfectly entitled to go ahead with it. They could have chosen to do that anyway.

But maybe that was a great use of her last days...

I know plenty who do this in reverse - they live a very small online life and are either completely obsessed with Palestine and calling others ‘Zios’ online 24/7, or they post relentlessly about big pharma and the government only caring about billionaires (despite the fact their lives are almost entirely paid for by benefits)

My aunt is like this. She is only in her mid 60s and has a good job but outside of work she does nothing except go to Mass and get outraged about Muslims, Hindus, gay people, trans people etc (she subscribes to right wing Catholic email newsletters who stir her up and get her to donate money so she won't go to Purgatory🙄). She isn't American but loves Trump because he hates immigrants and the other aforementioned groups of people. She thinks everyone is out to get Catholics and she's obsessed with talking about murders. She has absolutely nothing positive to say. Everything is doom and gloom.

Housing is more expensive but people like my parents in the 50s and 60s didn't expect to buy their own home and renting was the expectation. There was a greater availability of council housing, which has now gone thanks to Right to Buy, but a lot of private rented property into the 70s and 80s was of a very low standard which would not be acceptable now.

A woman couldn't get a mortgage without a male guarantor until well into the 70s and women didn't get equal pay for the same job. Women stayed in violent relationships because it wasn't possible to leave.

There are things that are better and some things that are worse but I wouldn't go back in time.

OP not returned...probably a made up post as views not aligning with theirs...😂gotta laugh!

Maybe he has packed his earlier life with so-called worthwhile things. YABU.

Nope. I’m pretty sure it’s the right-wing thing that the OP has the issue with.

MN has an obsession with volunteering. It’s really weird.

This. OP's family friend isn't just sitting around passively. He is firing off emails. His latest moan is bias at the BBC. He’s sent them lots of emails and shares FB posts several times a day

He's actively trying to make a difference, to put right the things he thinks are wrong. Instead of silently fizzing with rage, he's contacting the BBC to try to influence it, and contacting others (via Facebook) who he hopes will share his concerns and also take action.

What do you expect him to do, OP? Climb up buildings to hang banners on? Spraypaint his views around the neighbourhood? I'd be glad he doesn't!

See not all older people are like this my dad for example is 81 next year riddled with terminal kidney cancer suspected bowel cancer now aswell but he doesn't let anything stop him he goes fishing driving here there and everywhere to different lakes and ponds, he's always turning up at mine to take me out to places and hes living each day as if its his last and doesn't let the little things bother him.
I think this is the reason why at nearly 81 years old he is still going because he doesn't just sit in his flat all day wasting away and getting angry at insignificant little things and if anyone's got a reason to be angry it would be him but he doesn't he just gets joy out of the simple things in life. He my actual hero and role model and the only man in my life that has never let me down or broke my heart.