DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

[Aggyagro]

Ok so I know this is his decision, but it will definitely affect us both. We are both early fifties and I am in the situation where due to taking time out of pension contributions and doing freelance work when the 3 DCs were young I know I’ll need to work to retirement age.
We go halves on bills, he is the bigger wage earner and I pay the mortgage whereas he does loads of other things. All ok. But now he has started saying that with the DCs all moved out and nearly independent he’ll be looking to take early retirement in the next few years. He’s been paying into his pension and doing all the sums. He says it will mean a sacrifice but it’s ‘doable’. It just means that we will have to do fewer things like takeaways and cut back a bit. Call me mad but I’m struggling to see the advantage to this. When I ask what he plans to do with his time he says ‘nothing,’ with a grin…
Then he says maybe travel more, but then I point out that I’ll still be working and that we’ll have less money, which doesn’t seem to work logically. I can see a few problems ahead, or am I just being selfish?

My husband took early retirement at 50 . He did absolutely nothing except sit around reading the paper , watching 24 hour rolling news and making a mess . He's now my X. Tell him you will also take early retirement .

Best way to improve your pension - take half of his in a divorce...

He had clearly decided that you were going to carry on paying the mortgage while he retired and took it easy...

This ⬆️

Glad you have got some ducks lined up OP.

Our finances are joint, DH is a much higher earner than me and tbh he leaves the money up to me.
He was keen for me to be a SAHM when the DC were small but it is situations like this that worry me.
I stayed working, very part time, but I used family money to top up my pension to what it would have been if I worked full time.

DH has a much bigger pension pot but the fact that it is "his" (I.e. in his name, I know it is a marital asset) bothers me. I want my own, in my name, in my control.

We may not retire at the same time, I have increased my hours now the DC are older and DH may start scaling back his hours in a few years, but it would certainly be the starting point for discussion - one wouldn't retire leaving the other to work for another 10+ years.

I think you’d be better off in a divorce settlement - so he’s got to build his pension up while you took a step back to care for little ones , you pay half the bills and the mortgage while he earns more - he’s taking the piss!

Couldn’t say it better myself! Would love to see that CETV ! Plus he’s still working age so would be considered able to continue working and with the bigger earning capacity needs less equity to house himself as he can mortgage himself up!

Well done you!

Whilst dh and I were still working our salaries came into our own accounts, and we both paid the same into a 'household costs' account.

He has a work pension and I have a part work pension but mostly a private pension. That would mean he had a lot of money each month, I didn't. But I had more access to capital. So when we retired we reversed the arrangement: All our pension(s) goes into the shared account and we both get an equal amount of spending money. I took 25% tax free lump sum and that funds all our holidays.

Brilliant. Really please that sorted out your additional pension contributions as it shows you are taking ownership of something for you not ‘just’ sorting out the mortgage for both of you.

Unless he’s a very high earner and has income elsewhere I don’t think retiring At 50 works.

he could literally life for another 50 years, my grandpa is 95 and going strong!

At 50 you’re able to really make a lot of money! So many career women I know are getting into their 6 figure stride in there 50s!

This was actually my thought too.

I would be going through all the finances carefully and looking at options now. He sounds ridiculous - fair enough if he’s had enough of his job, he can always change jobs or even (if finances permit) reduce his hours but to go fully retired by mid 50s but without the money to do anything with is just nuts!

Now it’s time to start hassling him about YOUR “dream travel plans…” make it stuff he’d hate like traditional caravanning in the Carpathian Mountains, bungee jumping in Thailand, volunteering to build wells in Sub-Saharan Africa. (He’d sound like such a dick if he complained about this one).

The more I think about this the more it sounds like a bit of financial abuse.
You pay half of bills, while he is the higher earner, you pay the morgage and he has looked after his pension.
He mistakenly thinks his pension is his and for him, and has been looking after number one, while you sacrificed yourself for the children.

He's despicable.

Yep, and on top of this, he will be sitting on his arse for the next 17 years whilst his wife is then forced to keep working full-time paying their mortgage off herself. Without any discussion whatsoever with his wife. He has absolutely no respect for his wife. Horrible man.

His behaviour is wrong across the board.

Either he is entitled and lazy, and under the illusion that you were on holiday while raising your children and now thinks it's his turn to be on holiday or he has an ulterior motive.

What is your relationship like otherwise?
Could he be preparing for divorce and not want to have to pay maintenance?

I know a couple where the man deliberately got himself fired ahead of his divorce so that his maintenance payments would be much less.

Why are you paying half? I couldn’t be bothered with a marriage where it’s all egalitarian.

My husbands grandfather retired at 52. He’s now 80, bored shitless, divorced at sixty as his wife got fed up of him doing nothing all day. I don’t think early retirement is a great idea from a morale point of view. Could he have a sabbatical of some sort?

He likes telling you you are crap with money? Hmm.

Suggest both you and he go and see his or yours IFA or if he doesn't have one then a local one TOGETHER and say

X is retiring. How will he provide for himself? And what should I do, having lost out on pensions over the years? Etc.

Point out the day he retires, he takes over all the household chores and cleaning.

He sounds a dick, sadly. Smirking at you.

I have a different perspective this.

My DH retired at 57. I got a late promotion at 55 which meant it made sense for me to keep working to maximise my pension. After some hard years I finally have the job I love and find it rewarding.
Unlike most posters I don’t feel I ‘sacrificed’ anything during the years our children were younger. I am grateful that DH worked full time during these years allowing me to take a two year career break and then work part time to concentrate on our DC and keep our home running.
Now it’s his turn to be time rich and reap the benifit of the years he slogged away at work.

its worked well for us. He does the majority of the housework and cooking while I’m at work. This means our weekends and any annual leave days are not swallowed up by domestic tasks and we can fully enjoy them together.
DH has never looked back since retiring and while I might have preferred him to do a few more years to increase his pension, he has no regrets at all and feels he has gained three years of life to do what interests him after years of being a wage slave.
its my turn to make the bigger contribution to the household budget after years of being the second earner. I don’t resent it at all.(other than getting up on winter mornings leaving him in bed)

You need to tell him that you’re retiring too, and you can live on the total of both pensions.

I do wonder about what’s going on in his head there thought retiring 15 years ahead of you was a sound plan @Aggyagro - glad it is getting sorted. I do think you should see a financial adviser together, I’d also suspect he has hidden money that he was planning to use for fun stuff for him.

it sounds like you both chucked as much as you could into pensions until you’re 57, you could possibly both retire early together if you’re close but would have to make cutbacks. Not sure why he didn’t start from there…

A friend of mine has a husband in his early 50s who retired, similar set up, he just idles about aimlessly, ford not really do anything all day

i totally could not cope with this from a partner 😬 even if you take away the money aspect, to live with someone who has nowhere to go and nothing to do, takes no pride in looking after the home/garden/life but literally does a bit of his hobby and a whole load of daytime tv… would not be for me. Why live like a really old person if you are not even old?

If you have projects and ideas and do lots of DIY and hobbies and other things great. Maybe. But to just do nothing and watch your partner work?! Nah..

Brilliant! The selfish fucker has really shot himself in the foot hasn't he!

What does he actually do all day? Unless you live in a fifteen bedroom mansion? I think you are being a bit naive tbh. Time rich to do what exactly?

Reading the part where she states that her pension contributions took a knock because she took time out with their children, his continued, allowing him to finish working so much earlier and just seems grossly unfair. No issue with him retiring early, the issue is that OP doesn't have the same luxury within their "partnership!"

I also took time out and worked minimal hours with our children and my only pension contributions came via "child benefit stamp" at that time. My husband kept contributing to his whilst working but we both see that as our future.

I hope the OP re reads her post and sees it all how most of us see it, the contribution 50% despite different incomes, pension knock due to family commitments etc...