DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

Surely having something you shouldn't "once in a while" is worst then small amounts occasionally As your body never gets used to it & it flares a pre-existing condition ?

As for your husbands response that's just rude if he knows your doing it. He could have said something prior

Is there a YABW(eird) option on this poll? I can't even contemplate whether you're unreasonable, because I'm struggling so much with the concept of anyone eating IBS triggers deliberately. <boggles>

I have a mere intolerance of dairy, not IBS, and any consumption of dairy, even accidentally and unknowingly, means a night of whimpering in agony. It wouldn't matter how nice it tasted, a dairy dessert would never be worth it!

Title should have been ‘husband said I was selfish for having a desert that would make me poorly to the point I’d be farting all night and the smell would be awful’

Oh, you’re so posh you never fart? 🤣 get a grip ffs. I bet you never shit either!

What a miserable life it must be, constantly worrying about whether you or your partner need to pass gas, just like every other bloody mammal on the planet. Rushing off to hide in the toilet, hoping they don’t see or hear you. Ridiculous.

No, that’s not what I said at all, you know I didn’t.
I don’t know why you’re pretending I’ve made such outlandish statements and missing my point. Nevermind you sound like you’re beyond reasoning with. Have a nice day.

I'm the same with onions OP. But I'd pretty much never eat out if i didn't take a chance sometimes, because onions are in everything!

Have you tried the multi digestive enzyme formula from Holland and Barrett? It is a game changer for me. Worth giving them a go.

Even if it’s more than a stinky toilet - it’s once a year and a big birthday at that. OP could sleep on the sofa even - and if she does struggle physically for a couple days after that I don’t see the problem with her DH helping out if it means she can have a special treat once a year or less even.
There’s a certain alcohol that makes my DH snore 100x worse so he doesn’t have it often but he loves it so if he goes out and ends up drinking he goes straight to the sofa when he gets home and leaves me in a peaceful slumber lol

There are women on here that defend drunk men pissing all over the bedroom after a regular night out, so I hope you're not implying we'd all be singing a different tune if a man had eated a pudding on his 40th birthday?

I have bowel issues and think you’re being unreasonable. If you know you’re going to suffer after eating a particular food why bother? It’s never worth it.

To be fair I have IBS and certain foods are banned for me. If I do eat them my husband and daughter would make a joke about the toilet being fully booked later on, but they wouldn't have embarrassed me like your husband did in front of friends.

That typo is going to drive me nuts, and it's too late to correct it!

What a knobber. Honestly, threads like this make me heartily glad I'm single.

...in your opinion which is valid, however it certainly isn't mine.

I want to point out, it is only too easy for him to judge when he isn't the one living with daily dietary restrictions; I bet he wouldn't be quite so rule abiding if it was. It is a special birthday once in the year; I mean suck it up and sleep on the sofa for a one off, instead of being a tool. I also find the worst part was embarrassing op infront of friends, no excuse for that whatsoever.

most people manage to show basic manners towards strangers and co-workers, I am not sure why they can't show the same respect towards their partner.

It's not something that you even need to think about, at work, or when you have an interview, or are meeting your child's teacher. Why would it suddenly become a thing as soon as you walk through the front door.

Of course you can burp and fart as much and as loudly as you want in your own home, it's your home. Why would you want to, or think your partner finds you attractive, who knows.

It is once in a lifetime special birthday? Have I missed a part that alludes to op going around letting rip where ever she feels like it on a regular basis?

Exactly. Etiquette and social decency is what sets us apart from animals and make us human.

you are quoting my post but you are talking about something that has nothing to do with my post, how does that work?

Mine was also quoting the post I was specifically replying to, it should be pretty clear 😂

Ah sorry I misread thinking you had said op wasn't showing basic manners, did not read the full comment, now I have and that is what you are alluding to?

😂

I'm with him tbh... that sounds gross. Why would you eat something which made you unwell.
My DP gets bloated and burpy if he eats too much wheat and beer. I would be annoyed with him if he ate pizza and drank beer in public to the point of being gross.

all birthdays are once in a lifetime.

Agree, but once a year can't hurt? And op may just indulge every decade. I think her dh could have relaxed off a bit.

its a well known laugh in my friend group that me and one other suffer with terrible ibs. We literally take bets on who’s running to the toilet first if we dare eat a trigger food. Your other half is a twat!

It's your birthday. If you want pudding for the starter and first course of pudding with a side of pudding, then pudding for desert, good for you! I've seen it done and it makes the waitors laugh.

He's just a misery. Sleep on your own if necessary.

What a slob.