Do your parents offer to have your children?

[Ohnottheschoolrunagain]

Me and DH have got into a dispute so I’m trying to work out whether our set up is normal or not. His parents never offer to come over or ask whether the kids want to stay over. I honestly think if we never took them they would never see the kids. DH say he prefer’s it that way but I don’t believe that for one second and that’s why he is so triggered. My mum will offer but she is a good drive away so sometimes I won’t bother. His parents are closer but radio silence!

Intrigued to know what other people’s setups are like.

My parents are like your husbands parents.
I call it reluctant grandparents!
They just aren’t interested.
DD has not stayed overnight with them in 6 years which was only the 2nd time she stayed.

DD is their only grandchild , my parents are in good health , and less than 10 minutes drive away.
They now pick her up from school once a week and my dad is huffing and puffing after a hour and a half has passed and I’m not there to take her home.

It used to upset me but I am used to it now!
So I would say it’s not unusual. MIL has always been very good to us but DD is now almost 8 and she has other younger grandchildren who she sees more.

I do have friends whose parents bend over backwards to accommodate childcare requests and I reiterate that they are very fortunate.

I could not have been able to work, as sp if my parents did not babysit or be able to have an odd Sat night to myself. I will happily do the same if my dc ever get round to becoming parents.
I think it's weird and a bit sad that gp's dont want to enjoy their gc

Dh has 3 gc...we take the older 2 out for a day each school holiday. We don't have them overnight.

Nope here too. If there’s something going on for eg a fair or something that makes it a big family outing they will though

My parents never offer to look after my nieces and nephews, and only have done so in emergency's

Both my parents made it very clear from the first pregnancy announcement that they'd done their time of childcare, which is absolutely fair.

No. My dm hasn't been to my house in over 17 years.
Shes never looked after my DC.

We haven't fallen out or anything like that, just never happened.

My parents are too far away to really offer, but they have looked after DD more often than my inlaws who live much much closer. My inlaws just aren’t that interested. If I was nearer my parents would have helped and they are generally more interested, do face time etc.

Mine don't, mostly I think they worry about the responsibility and get anxious. But they're very affectionate, loving, attentive and nurturing towards grandchildren.

DH's parents always offer, but are somewhat over confident and haven't really made an effort to get to know or understand each child. And they're far less safety conscious than me and emotionally detached. Think leaving child to cry it out in cot, when it wasn't nap time, just because they wanted their siesta! So I don't let them have unsupervised time/full responsibility. Ironic really!

Don’t live near my mum and my dad has passed.
my FIL is great sees my children nearly every day. My MIL isn’t as interested 🤷🏼‍♀️

My parents offer all the time, we see them 4/5 times a week and my DS sleeps every week and DD every other week.

My FIL has only met DS (7) 5/6 times and my DD who is 3 once which was at my wedding. But my FIL is much older than my parents and lives a 90 mins drive away.

Neither set of parents ever offered to have them and one set lived 2 mins drive away. The other parents lived 4 hours drive away and never looked after them too. It was very hard especially as I had a husband who worked away for 2 weeks at a time. I try be best to always be available for my grandchildren.

Neither set of parents ever offered to have them and one set lived 2 mins drive away. The other parents lived 4 hours drive away and never looked after them too. It was very hard especially as I had a husband who worked away for 2 weeks at a time. I try be best to always be available for my grandchildren.

Neither set of parents ever offered to have them and one set lived 2 mins drive away. The other parents lived 4 hours drive away and never looked after them too. It was very hard especially as I had a husband who worked away for 2 weeks at a time. I try be best to always be available for my grandchildren.

Neither set of parents ever offered to have them and one set lived 2 mins drive away. The other parents lived 4 hours drive away and never looked after them too. It was very hard especially as I had a husband who worked away for 2 weeks at a time. I try be best to always be available for my grandchildren.

Yep both sets always offer to babysit her whenever needed. One set lives an hour away, the other 2.5hrs away so we only ask them when it’s something bigger planned like going to see a show/work event.

Nope!

MiL was elderly and didn't drive.

My parents just didn't offer. All too much trouble. Once when I asked if they could have them, my mum said ‘oh but what will I feed them?’

FGS - anything, burgers, beans, egg…anything. Made me feel it was too much trouble for them.

My parents emigrated just after I became a single parent!

Even now, with DM back in the UK and the DGC’s young adults, she will say ‘I hardly see DGC’s’.
I respond with ‘give them a ring, invite them for tea, or out for a meal’.

She never does.

Will they do things for you if asked?
My parents live close by and where I don't remember them actually ever offering to babysit or take the kids out, they did if I asked. My Mum woudl look after them in the holidays for example once she was retired.
My parents are the opposite of pushy and I think they don't like to feel like they are imposing - could this be a possibility in your situation?

My parents did offer - his parents had to be asked, which was totally fine because unlike my parents they were both working ft running their own businesses. We were near both. Even if grandparents don't have competing responsibilities one can't expect it of them necessarily. Maybe they just don't want to do looking after small kids again, and if so one has to live with that.

Yes - both my mum and my in-laws actively make plans to see the kids and take them out both with us and without. My mum keeps angling for my older one to sleep over and my DD would love it but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, my in-laws have said they wouldn't be comfortable having them overnight unless in an emergency (which is fair enough).

I think it's a mixed bag though and every family is different, I totally get why those who have done with child rearing/ getting older might not want to be around little kids.

No. You find it depends if location of parents and his fit they are. There's no right or wrong answer here. But no my parents never had and I wouldn't expect them too.

My mum offers. Has the kids once a week. Sometimes more. Hubbys parents never offer and act like it’s a huge chore if we ask them

Some people embrace being a granparent and others don’t. I will embrace being a granparent but my kids have one active granparent and others that don’t bother at all. Don’t even get Christmas gifts or a call. If the kids were not taken to see her and dad telling her he was coming she would never of asked. She’s actually messaged him a while back asking him to keep the kids as home and come alone. He sees her twice a year if that for a couple of hours. Some kids have people they are related to but have no relationship by choice. It’s sad really.

Nope. Neither set ever offered. Had to ask mine when needed but otherwise no one in the whole family ever offered.

I have had relatives/grandparents do babysitting when DS was little and we have taken him out with them on outings, but none of my relatives, nor DH's, have EVER had him by himself. No outings, no sleepovers, nor inviting him over to their house when he was older. Nada.

He did go for outings without us and sleepovers with friends, just never relatives. I suppose they just didn't want the faff. He wasn't difficult, I could understand it if he was challenging but he wasn't.

He's 17 now and only my Mum left, so that's that. (Mum did lots of this with my DB's DS, but not my kid. It does sting. DH's parents saw a lot more of him but they didn't have any other GC to favour, so I guess it's not that!)

No. I’m NC with my family, but even when I wasn’t, no one ever offered to spend time with my dc. Dh’s family, similar, neither of our dc has ever been invited over to MIL’s house to spend the day with her like we used to as kids. My youngest - he’s about to turn 8! - has never even been to granny’s house.

The only time we see family is if they want somewhere to stay for a few days, they give us dates, we do all the hosting, they don’t take our dc out or do anything with them. They will chat with them at meal times and maybe watch a movie with them, but don’t ever offer to spend any time alone with them. Closest we’ve come recently is I was in hospital having cancer surgery and MIL took youngest to school that morning.

They only see us if we host. As a family, we haven’t been to MIL’s house in probably a decade and haven’t been to BIL/SIL’s in probably about that long as well (in fact, last time I went to BIL’s he had a different SIL 🤣 it’s been that long).