RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

[Watchespaintdry]

We’re doing a 4th bday party at home for my daughter (money is tight hence at home), sent the invites out yesterday specifically addressed to the invited child and one of my friends has responded saying their daughter + 2yr old brother would love to come (she’s worded it to imply they don’t have childcare). So she’s telling me, not asking me, that the brother is coming too. I’ve been to parties before and always asked if if was ok to bring my 2.5yr old son too, due to lack of childcare, and these were soft play parties with no space issues, as it were. If they’d said no I couldn’t, I’d be totally cool and understand.

Thing is, I’m concerned about the space, and that this person will have 2 kids to watch. We’ve only got so much space around the dining table. She was the first to rsvp and now I’m worried other people are gonna bring siblings. I’ve got no problem with the brother, he’s cute and lovely and I love my friend and don’t want to upset her. I’ve invited 11 of my daughter’s friends (mixture of preschool and others) and confident they won’t all be able to come, given party statistics. Should I just suck it up and hope no one else brings siblings? This is the first party I’ve ever hosted.
My 2.5 yr old son will also be there (ofcourse).

She hasn’t got room though. Especially if more than one sibling comes.

Age 4 in school ? Drop and dash ? if you don't want the younger sibs.

Sorry 4th birthday, won't be at school, probably do need parent there.

Since this is your friend, you know the toddler and it's a big party anyway (you're brave inviting 11 children that age to your home!) I think it looks very mean to say no.

I would make the exception for her. Ask her not to tell anyone, say you would love to have her toddler (as a friend for yours to play with) but you haven't space for any others).

DS's birthday parties always have lots of siblings and I make sure there's enough food, party bags, etc. It's expected and happens at every kids party so no-one bats an eyelid and they're all catered for. However if numbers/space is tight then absolutely fine to to say sorry, no siblings. You might get some kids that can't attend because of that but it's how it is.

This is what I don't get. If they are old enough to be in school or even last year of nursery then they get dropped off daily. So why do parents feel the need to hang around kids parties instead of dropping them off

The way she’s going about is disgusting so even if it was ok with you to host the younger brother I would tell her straight he is not invited.

‘It’s Amelia’s party and we have invited her friends only and you will have to make arrangements elsewhere for Tarquin whilst his sister is at Amelia’s party.’

How does that work if the party is for your 2 year old? Would you still take your older DC who presumably would NOT just sit in your knee?

And if everyone invited turns up with their siblings?

It's normal around here for younger siblings to come to parties, especially for under 5s who need parents to stay. Drop-off parties only started at age 6 around here (and as a host I was happier having parents supervising their own kids until then). Admittedly it's rare for parties to be in people's houses, if they can't afford to hire a venue they usually do a park party (obviously not ideal in winter).

In the past I've read the comments on MN about how rude it is so I made arrangements for my younger DD to be taken elsewhere during a party my eldest was invited to, then when we turned up the host asked where my youngest was and that she would have enjoyed it! So I think the approach varies in different areas and social circles - if it doesn't suit you then you need to be clear with boundaries (ideally on the invitations) but it's not universally seen as rude and many people are fine with it.

advised… would have to bring him
Sounds totally entitled to me!

If you don't have space then say she's welcome to drop the girl off but sibling can't stay due to space. I would personally wait and see how many actually rsvp first though as you may end up with room for him

Because nurseries and schools are set up to be safe environments with qualified paid childcare providers or teachers. It’s literally their job. It’s not the job of a party host to provide free childcare as well as food and entertainment to a group of over excited children, unless they want to and then they need to specify this. It’s so cheeky to assume that the party host will do your childcare for you for free! At all the parties round here the parents don’t “hang around” they actively tend to their children. The issues is not just whether the kids are comfortable being dropped off.

I’m in the middle. I think if you’re genuinely right for space or it’s a pay per head party (which it’s not) then you may have to say sorry. But if you can squeeze a little one in and it will help friendships longer term then suck it up.

you could say - hi friend, we’d love to have little sibling come too but due to space I may need to wait for numbers. I hope that’s ok but I’ll let you know when I can.

Because it’s not a controlled environment and you’ve no idea what will happen. Also your child may feel nervous going to a new place without you at that age (or even older!). Which is totally normal.

"Sorry, we don't have space for any siblings. Happy for you to drop and collect - you don't need to stay."
If you want, you can say that if the situation changes and there is space, you'll let her know.

We don't know exactly what she wrote. If someone wrote to me well in advance of the party 'I would have to bring Oliver' I'd note the conditional tense and assume she's floating the idea. If she said 'I'll have to bring Oliver' I'd suspect the same. It would be very different if she said 'I'm going to bring Oliver so have a party bag for him too'. I know people on MN love to jump to calling people entitled CFs but there are plenty of ways she could have phrased this that wouldn't qualify as entitled, especially as she apparently knows OP brings her own toddler along to parties so clearly doesn't see it as a taboo. I think people who assume good rather than bad intentions tend to live a happier life, so I'd assume the best of the other parent if at all possible.

Then don't send them!!! I can't remember ever having to stay at a kids party when mine were young.

What are you actually imagining will happen anyway?

I roped in a couple of family members ( and my childminder who was a personal friend) to help out rather than random strangers

”Sorry, we’re unable to accommodate any more children due to space but you’re welcome to drop X off”

If she’s a good friend then you accept the sibling. I wouldn’t risk her daughter not being able to come due to childcare issues (or fall out with a good friend)
It’s not ideal but better than the alternative.

We only invited dc who could be left. You learn who they are when you haven’t got space.

I would reply and say you are short on space at the moment, if another child can’t come then the younger sibling is welcome but at the moment of all can come then you won’t be able to host the sibling

Yeah, I see OP's point, but in my experience for wee kids, parents will come and that will always inevitably mean bringing babies/younger siblings. Kids' parties are always chaotic. I think it's maybe best to just accept that and try to roll with it.

It's tricky. It's my 4yr olds party soon - I have asked 10 children, resulting in 21 adults and 6 siblings. Party bags for siblings are tricky as contents are not necessarily appropriate for little ones. I now just use the church hall and hope for the best.
Everyone who I invited has said yes!

I’d wait to see who RSVPs. I’d be happy for my friends to bring the siblings but not all the other parents. See what the numbers say.