I want him to have a vasectomy

[AtomicSugababe]

Been with my partner 15 years, 2 kids. I’m late 30s and he’s 3 years younger.

I’m pretty sure all my sexually active life that contraception has caused anxiety and depression issues. I also had PND with our youngest. I was so poorly last year mentally and I’m sure the coil contributed. I’ve had it over a year now and I feel myself again, no moods, no depression, just normal me. He says he doesn’t want any more kids, and I don’t. Currently not on any contraception, he won’t use condoms so each month I’m anxious as hell until my period comes.

Ive been nagging and nagging him to get the snip. He replies with it’s a life changing decision, it’s painful and in a sensitive area! It’s not like a haircut.

I’m that fucking pissed off with him I’ve taken the kids and gone to my mums. Told him I’ll be back if he books a GP appointment. If he doesn’t then he’s putting himself first. It’s him who wants sex I wouldn’t be arsed if I didn’t have it again most of the time!

AIBU?

Why won’t he use condoms? Are they all too big for his tiny little weenie? Seriously, what’s his problem with them? He’s pathetic.

In fairness a comment about him
being “half a man” following a vasectomy does come across more male than female.

Honestly you’re both BU in your own ways.

You can’t demand a vasectomy from someone, but he also can’t refuse to wear condoms and still expect sex.

As for the unprotected sex, that’s on both of you and it’s insane behaviour that you’d expect from teenagers, not fully grown adults.

How does her carrying the burden of contraception for 15 years equate to “evading responsibility”.

I voted YABU - because you cant force someone else to have surgery. Just stop having sex with him. 🤷‍♀️

Yes.
You cannot MAKE someone "get the snip".

She doesn't want to use hormonal contraception nor have her tubes tied.

Her body her choice.

I really dont agree with trying to pressure people to do things with their body that they don't want to do. So in this instance its no sex or condoms. He doesnt want a vasectomy. Fine. Abstain or condom

It's absolutely his choice as to whether he has a vasectomy or not.

It's also your choice not to have unprotected sex with a fertile man, and also your choice not to take medical birth control.

So the options are one of you has surgery to remove fertility, or you use condoms, or you don't have sex. Those are the options.

Why should SHE have to have further surgery when she's spent 15 years either on hormonal contraception or birthing children.

Why is her body less important than his?

Because she's supposed to do it for the next 15 as well. Obviously. Cos she's a woman.

I don't think men should be pandered to. However OP is willingly having uprotected sex every month then worrying about pregnancy. I mean..... surely she should of had a discussion. Leaving the house with the kids isn't acceptable either.

Why doesn't she insist on condoms then?

I voted YABU but then I saw he won't use a condom. Fuck that.

I too think he's keeping his options open.

I nearly spat my tea out...😂

It would be fine. Nobody has to have unprotected sex just to make their partner happy.

Where OP is going wrong is trying to force one solution. She has carried the contraception load now it’s his turn. And he can choose between abstinence, condoms or a vasectomy.

At least there’s no pressure for sex away from the house.

I do agree that it's your partner's body and it should be his choice. However, currently you aren't using any contraception, and that's utter madness. It will only be a matter of time, and you will become pregnant. Then what??!! You are suddenly faced with either having another pregnancy/birth or an abortion - both of which is something YOU will be enduring, not your partner! If he doesn't want a vasectomy, that's absolutely his choice but he will need to use condoms going forward, because you can no longer have hormonal contraception. If he wants sex, then he has two choices - a vasectomy or using condoms. I do think he's being selfish. You've been using hormonal contraception for 15 years, and he's had no need to take any responsibility for it. Now, he needs to take responsibility - a vasectomy is a local anaesthetic (in some cases a general) and a little time to recover afterwards. It's a walk in the park compared to pregnancy and child birth. Stop putting yourself in a position every month, where you are worrying in case you're pregnant - the fact he knows this, and still refuses to take responsibility would absolutely make me furious. All he's interested in is having sex, not your physical or mental wellbeing.

Why is it always the woman who has to do everything?

Why don't men take some responsibility for their share of anything?

It's his choice to not have the snip but then it's your choice to not have sex with him without protection until he's had it done.

I suspect the OP isn’t all that willing as she says she’d happily never have sex with him again.

I'm sorry but are you on the same thread as us? OP is taking the biggest risk here. She's needs a solution so I only think its fair. She's having sex too! Why with no condom? Its silly to say the least! Or why doesn't she refuse to have sex? She's got that option! It's ridiculous. Other people have managed and said they use condoms so OP can take that advice also.

Yanbu about wanting him to have a vascomtomy

On a different note I started menopause in late 30s. Had mirena fitted and used estrogen patches - in felt so much better. Could be something to think about

Exactly!

Her solution is to leave the house for now. Seems sensible to me. There's no use reasoning with a man who won't willingly wear a condom. What exactly is she supposed to do to force him? It's his willy.