DSis is skimping on Christmas because she’s obsessed with her Skye trip?

[LydiaRidesAgain]

DSis has announced on the family chat that she’s doing a smaller Christmas this year so she and BIL can save for their big Isle of Skye holiday next summer.
Fine in theory, except last year she happily accepted the tasteful and expensive pile of gifts I bought for them both, and now I am apparently only getting a little token.

DM has already chimed in with something about memories meaning more than materialistic things which pissed me off.

AIBU to think she can save for her holiday without cheaping out on me and the rest of the family?????

How grabby do you sound!!

What do you need notice for?

If you’ve bought presents for her already, just return them

Just agree to not do gifts at all. We don't buy for anyone except my DC & our parents get token gifts & they do the same back. It's fantastic. We give DN's a bit of money every second year when we see them. But that's it (except for the stupid work & DC school Secret Santa).

SIL announced a couple of years ago they weren't doing Christmas at all anymore & convinced her DC they could travel more if they didn't buy him gifts (they're loaded). Sad for him, great for us!

As adults, you should probably agree a budget each for presents.

You’d need to hold back on the Bayliss and Harding gift sets for a few years to fund this!
https://threechimneys.co.uk/

Whats last year got to do with anything?

She is telling you bluntly not to spend so much on Christmas this year.

I don't understand your problem.

Christmas is about presence, not presents.

It seems like the problem is that the extended family habitually spend a lot on Christmas gifts for each other. As recently as last Christmas, Sis was enthusiastically participating in this. IDK why OP says she happily accepted the tasteful and expensive pile of gifts I bought for them both rather than she's been as keen as the rest of us up until now to play to the worst excesses of late hypercapitalist overconsumption, BUT I can still see OP's point: Sis is saying well into November let's scale back Christmas THIS year because I need the money for something else discretionary, when other family members have most of their Christmas shopping already done. (And often the most thoughtful and personalised and well-planned-out gifts are NOT refundable or returnable.)

If it were a case of Sis suddenly being in dire straits financially, it would seem desirable for her family to proceed as normal. And of course, they still can. But the fact that Sis sent out this heads up suggests that she wants to change things for everyone this Christmas because HER priorities have changed, and yes, November is late for that. Sis isn't necessarily wrong, but I also call shenanigans on the idea that OP is being weird or incomprehensible to be annoyed/react negatively.

Oh wow. Yes you are being unreasonable. Renegotiate the terms of Christmas gifts? Are you actually being serious? Do you sit there agreeing spending amounts each year? Very festive. You shouldn’t give to expect to receive the same back, you’re meant to give for the joy of giving. And I say that as someone that definitely spends more on some than I get back but I honestly don’t care cause that’s not in the spirit of Christmas to sit there comparing and grumbling on the expenditure of gifts. I genuinely appreciate whatever I’m given and value more how much thought has gone into the gift rather than cost. Honestly when did Christmas become so much about this sort of rubbish?

The only thing you perhaps have a valid grumble on is the fact that she’s left it a bit close to change things now, especially since I presume this trip has been in the planning for longer than now. But I guess that depends how early you tend to shop

What’s the issue? She’s spoke to you about it so you don’t buy these big tasteful gifts again

THIS. We lost my father in law at age 61 to oesophageal cancer in March after he was only diagnosed in August 2024. We are now facing our first Christmas with out him and my focus is on supporting my husband and mother in law through this. Honestly your anger over a misalignment on the amount spent on gifts seems so extremely trivial to me right now. Just enjoy Christmas with your loved ones whilst you can and stop stressing over such rubbish.

so sorry for your loss Ella31

You don't get to tell another adult how to allocate her own funds.

No, it really isn’t. I’d far rather receive home made bread or chutney than yet more stuff I don’t need.

Are you joking? Or are you 11 years old? Stroppy over someone not buying you a big expensive gift. LOL. Listen to yourself

You could set a limit of £3 or less for each person and see what you can get for that orjust stop buying as others have suggested.

Don’t be so silly. I’m assuming you’re not ten year’s old??

If you are an adult then behave like one and realise Christmas presents to other adults are not an obligation.

We adults stopped buying for each other year’s ago because it’s expensive and frankly, unnecessary.

I can’t really get my head around this. She’s told you in advance that she wants a smaller Christmas so that you don’t go spending too much money on her expecting the same back - what’s the issue?
Last year I was on maternity leave and told my sister I wouldn’t be able to go crazy with presents and not to get me anything as she was buying for my baby - was I an awful person for doing this? 😂

You don't give to receive but out of love. If you expect a big present because you gave one then you are giving for the wrong reason.

Don’t be ridiculous. Your cousin’s tightfistedness is not the same thing. Not everyone can afford to be generous buying gifts. Adults buying each other pointless expensive gifts just seems like unnecessary consumerism to me. Once you are an adult and earn your own living what do you need expensive gifts from friends or siblings for?

Completely agree. OP’s views on present giving seem shallow and transactional.

Thank you and I'm so sorry for your loss too. The first christmas is so tough. I hope ye all find some peace during it. Last year we went out to the grave on Christmas Eve with flowers and had breakfast out after. It's our tradition now. Take care if yourselves and each other.

And op, I'd swap a million plus presents just to hold my twin baby boys again my arms this Christmas. They should have been two last friday, instead they are in a graveyard.

I'm still convinced the post is a windup. No-one could be this materialistic

Just because you’re materialistic, doesn’t mean other people are!.
Your tasteful and expensive gifts, are your idea of tasteful, nobody else’s.
(I’ve had many “tasteful” gifts).
For all you know, they may be given away or donated elsewhere, other people like the thoughtfulness, not the cost.
The best Christmas presents come from the heart, not the wallet!.
You sound like you expect expensive, luxury gifts in response, which totally ignores the Christmas spirit.
Christmas isn’t a competition, neither is it a time to flaunt your wealth.
I’m going to guess, whatever she buy’s you this time, is not going to be received in the token it was given.
Poor you, if all you can think about is you’re not going to receive an expensive Christmas gift,from a family member, who is saving for a trip and has explained prior about their Christmas finances.
Materialistic people are an ungrateful bunch.

So you entertain at Christmas and expect to be paid in expensive gifts? What were you expecting for your mum's lovely cooking, gold, frankincense and myrrh?

Catch a grip. You sound entitled af