My Father was convicted of sexual assault on 17 year old, should I let him see my kids + MORE

[Lordvampire3]

Hi Everyone,

This is extremely hard to post and I am looking for other insight of whether I am being unreasonable.

My Father was convicted and due to be let out of prison for sexual assault of a 17 year old (in the UK this is over consent age so wasnt charged as child offense)

My DP and I made the decision that he would not see our 4 kids when he leaves prison due to what he has done. I was talking to my brother today and they exploded saying I was being out of order to not let him see his grandkids because of what he did

Am I being unreasonable? For context 3 of my children are girls, 11 9 and 4 and out little boy is 3.

I have been talking to him once a week and havent found the courage to say he wont see them as I worried about the fallout, plus selfishly I didnt want to be the cause if he didnt something stupid inside (like off himself etc)

Any help would be appericated

Do you know what conditions dad will be subject to on release from prison?

I image that if it his intention - if it is a possibility- to have a relationship with family members who are minors then a social care referral will be made where you will be contacted about how you see this working / how you will safeguard the kids / manage contact.

That could be it.

I'll add here that the offender I mentioned above attacked females - both adults and children, but one of his victims was a male child.

The OP's husband is crazy if he thinks that a sex offender can be trusted around anyone.

Some males will attack anyone vulnerable.

One offender round my way raped a six year old and then - upon release - a middle-aged disabled woman.

A teenage boy raped and murdered an octogenarian who lived just up the hill from my mum.

What’s the chances of the very first time he committed this offence, he got caught and sent to prison - look at the conviction rates for sexual offences/rapes. He’s likely been a predator for years. There may be many other victims who haven’t been able to have any justice.

Dont let your children near him.

Well done, stay strong and keep the Grand Canyon between him and your children.

I assume he's threatened to kill himself if he doesn't get what he wants? Abusers do this - threaten self harm to frighten and unsettle others to manipulate them into doing what they want.

He has also managed to groom other members of his family into doing his dirty work for him.

Your brother shows zero empathy for women and children. Ignore his aggression and accusations.

Abusers don't change. But as they grow older and weaker, their victims become yoynger and weaker.

The 17 year old WAS a child when he tricked her grandmother to get at her.

Your own children are approaching his age of interest - or may already be there.

If other relatives are allowing him near their children, they are being grossly irresponsible.

Start explaining to your children in the most age appropriate language why they won't be meeting their grandfather. If they ask more later on, having court reports as advised upthread could be useful to counter any accusations from family members.

But in just a few years, her daughters will be a similar age, and if he’s seen as a “safe and loved” family member who still has access to them …… not a risk I’d be prepared to take. The consequences could be the worst.

eh? Her husband doesn’t want the kids to see him, rightly. It’s the brother that’s being arsey.

So sorry. Skim reading. Idiot.

Unfortunately it’s unlikely the OP will find the sentencing remarks on Bailii, the judiciary website or in the National Archive. Only a very small handful are ever published.

Open justice is almost entirely dependent on how keen the local newspaper is to cover the courts. Many don’t do it anymore because of the huge cost and social media abuse their reporters get from publishing court copy.

OP I’m a local newspaper reporter and I keep all our court records going back ten years. You might get lucky ringing your local paper’s newsdesk and asking them to have a look for you. I frequently help people in your situation. Sarah’s law will also probably be applicable to you and I’d definitely try and push the police for the info.

Mea culpa also.

How to make a Sarah's Law enquiry:

https://www.police.uk/request-sarahs-law

Again, Im not seeing anything in OP’s posts about her husband/partner saying this??? I don’t think I’ve missed an update. It’s her brother who exploded.

Yes, I've apologised above.

Got it, easy done. But on such a sensitive topic, could be hurtful to OP.

My apologies once again.

If he will look at a 17yo in that way, then he will look at your 11yo like that.

Also the fact that she was 17 and over the age of consent is not relevant. For a start, nobody consents to sexual assault and for another thing, she was a child. Plus if he did it to her, there will be plenty of others who he has done this to

I think you need some help sorting out your feelings, if he killed himself as you suggest then that's entirely on him, not you

If you were posting on here about any other man, asking whether you were reasonable to allow your children to be around a sex offender because you were frightened of offending your brother if you didn't, you would be rightly handed your arse and told to get a grip and parent properly.

Why is it any different because you happen to be related to the sex offender?

No idea how you could ask this. Of course, a sex offender shouldn’t be in contact with your children. An internet shouldn’t have to tell you this. If your brother has children, they should be removed frankly, due to beyond poor judgement. I couldn’t have any contact with the person, irrespective of what they may do to themselves.

You sound a bit naive ,make a Claires law application and find out exactly what your father is convicted of and its relevance to the safety and wellbeing of your children.

Is the name of the man’s first name Beginning J ending in S
second name beginning with F ?

The fact that your brother thinks it's no big deal and your father should still have access to your girls is very worrying and shows he has no care or compassion for victims of assault. I hope he doesn't have daughters. I'd cut contact with your brother too, what a horrible person he is too.

He might be in denial.

That was the case for the relative I mentioned in a previous post. By the time the offender was imprisoned for a second time, my relative had died.

I had previously reported the offender's contact with other children to the authorities. Nothing came of that until after his second imprisonment. I suspect that there were many other victims.

I'll add here that the offender kept trying to get back in contact with my relative's family and I fear for his motives. He was rebuffed but kept trying, even to the extent of watching a family funeral from a distance.

The point I'm making is that that this type of offender is determined and the OP will need to keep careful watch on her children, particularly since it seems that her brother might try to enable him to make contact.

And don't ever leave your children with your brother. He may well take the opportunity to introduce their grandfather to them to remedy your 'mistakes'. Ditto any other family member who is showing signs of sympathy for your father.

Would you be unreasonably putting your children at risk if you did let your children see your dad?

What do you mean no? By seeing their grandfather they would be learning that he is a safe adult. He is NOT a safe adult.