My Father was convicted of sexual assault on 17 year old, should I let him see my kids + MORE

[Lordvampire3]

Hi Everyone,

This is extremely hard to post and I am looking for other insight of whether I am being unreasonable.

My Father was convicted and due to be let out of prison for sexual assault of a 17 year old (in the UK this is over consent age so wasnt charged as child offense)

My DP and I made the decision that he would not see our 4 kids when he leaves prison due to what he has done. I was talking to my brother today and they exploded saying I was being out of order to not let him see his grandkids because of what he did

Am I being unreasonable? For context 3 of my children are girls, 11 9 and 4 and out little boy is 3.

I have been talking to him once a week and havent found the courage to say he wont see them as I worried about the fallout, plus selfishly I didnt want to be the cause if he didnt something stupid inside (like off himself etc)

Any help would be appericated

Yes I would and that would be my choice. And I would most likely block access but I would want to know the details first so I could make an informed decision

Depends on what actually happened most likely not but id want the full story first

You're talking about 2 seperate things he went to prison because he deserved to go to prison. Cutting family members out of your children's life is a seperate thing that is what the actual question is

Yes what are you not understanding.

No it's not.

If you are an older man who doesn't respect the sexual boundaries of a 17 year old girl that's really not cool on many levels. The power issues are huge.

It's serious enough to be convicted for.

If you have young kids, this man is not suitable to be in their presence because of the risk he poses AND because he has dubious views which are not something you'd want you'd child to have normalised - whether they are male or female.

Given sexual offenders are more likely to offend against someone they know it's even more concerning.

It is a hard no unless you are fucking stupid.

No. It really isn't.

You're now moving the goalposts. Interesting.

Oh, we understand.

I'm done engaging with you.

It’s been a shocking exchange with @youalright and other posters.

Absolutely wedded to the idea that a man imprisoned for a sexual assault should not be automatically refused access to her children. But instead the poster wants to cast her own eye over the detail of the case. I’m going to guess the poster isn’t a judge but somehow thinks she might have her own perspective on the detail that would mean she would allow access to her children.

It is upsetting to think that @youalright has a daughter who has suffered from a sexual crime because it makes me wonder what her response was when initially told

This!

I don’t understand that poster’s quibbling. Fuck sakes the pervert went to prison and it’s a vanishing small number that are ever convicted. Jeez her boundaries are so low, they are in hell.

Absolutely.

What an absolutely disgusting thing to say thats my daughter. Your bottom paragraph comment crosses the line just because I have a different opinion to you

This

Your different opinion is you think it's ok for sex offenders to hang out with your children because they get special treatment because you are related.

How exactly did you think other posters would react to you saying you think this is ok, when the stats aren't favourable on this?

Did you expect lots of cooking about how great you are for standing by your abusive family member?

Really?

You've properly set yourself up for disappointment if you though this?

In making a choice like this you live in FOG - Fear, obligation and guilt. That's not good to expose your children anymore than a sex offender. Seriously, it's fucked up.

Cooking? Cooeing!

Posters can react how they like but questioning how i reacted to my daughters rape is below the belt it absolutely tore us apart as a family and something that has had a lasting impact. All I've said is if I was in op position I'd want to know what my dad did. You understand im a real person with real feelings right? I opened up about the most traumatic thing that has happened to us as a family and someone said that. This was a mumsnet post was about op asking advice I answered with my opinion thats all I did.

Not really.

There's a shocking disconnect here in your head.

We see your daughter's rapist as the same as any other sex offender. There is no difference. The only difference is how groomed you are.

I have no fucking idea why you'd allow any sex offender near your daughter with that in mind. It is incomprehensible that you'd not be EVEN MORE sensitive about it.

All it shows up is that you are living in FOG as I say. And that your judgement is off as a result. It's a characteristic of an unhealthy relationship and poor boundaries.

I don't think it's low. I think it's pointing out that you should really be going away and thinking about your own judgement making and behaviour and looking up FOG because you potentially making decisions which put her at risk.

We should be able to say this - it could make a real difference to a child out there - even if it's not yours.

Hi, not related to your question. But just wanted to say there is support out there for people affected by sexaholism. One means of support is S-Anon, if you Google it there's a website with info. Just putting it out there, and hope you find the right way forward for you and your family

Please leave me alone I've told you, you have gone to far and how much you have hurt me please just stop