Allowing college kids to deal with cold showers for 2 days

[Randicrawfordcoaching]

A mom posted in a group that her college kids had to deal with cold showers for two days and she asked if she should go get her and bring her home. Mom lives an hour away. I made a post and said absolutely not! They are in college and can figure it out! Parents came out of the woodwork freaking out on me and said if they could help with something small like this, they absolutely would do it. I’m horrified that we coddle our college kids the way we do. AIBU🤷‍♀️😂

I didn't say I would turn them away if they got themselves home - I did say that I wouldn't figure it out for them, OR go get them. As a college student, they should be able to work this out - if they can't handle this, how are they going to handle much harder situations without mom and dad rescuing them? That's my point.

Why can’t they deal with the landlord themselves? And I honestly think that any young adult who couldn’t come up with the solution of going round to a mate’s or going to the leisure centre without mummy’s input probably shouldn’t be away at university.

I can’t imagine any convo involving more than “have you rung the landlord?” or “well, I’m sure you can work something out”. After all, this adult is unlikely to be living alone.

If they haven't got the nous to just have a shower at the university gym or pool then I'm not sure they should be there in the first place...

@Ddakji Oh I agree that they should deal with the landlord themselves. But giving them some guidance isn’t a bad thing-we’ve all been through this ourselves so why not share our advice?

You don’t have free access to those though

@MaurineWayBack Really? My DD has access to the Athletic Centre as part of the student package, I believe all the students do.

No, my son had to pay for university gym membership.

Find a swimming pool. There's always a hot shower there 🚿

@pinkspeakers DD gets charged for it too but it’s part of the annual student fee package iyswim. It automatically appears on your bill.

Perhaps it’s different at some unis or perhaps we could opt out- I say “we” because I’m actually paying the fees, not DD. 😂. She uses the centre anyway so we didn’t question it.

Have to say, i dont mind them

By college you mean university?

you aren’t talking about 16-18 year olds at 6th form college?

I’m old now but back in my day it wasn’t unusual to not have hot water for whatever reason. Boiler issue and waiting for landlord to fix, running out of gas meter credit on a Saturday night and shop not opening until Monday am, etc.

even as an adult on occasion- last winter the snow seized our boiler and we didn’t have hot water for a few days.

you cope. As pp have said ask a friend, find a leisure centre, shower at work.

tbh I don’t get your issue. If the parents want to help why can’t they? I probably wouldn’t go get my child but if they wanted to come home they can get the train or bus any time they want.

if I want to help my university aged child out I will. If you wouldn’t then that’s your choice.

it was definitely optional for my DS. I paid for it as a birthday gift at some point. There were also different tiers depending on whether you had access to the pool and what hours of the week you could use it. This was Lancaster and he just graduated.

@pinkspeakers Ah, different system here. It’s a set fee that gives full access to the Centre and appears automatically on your bill.

As DD uses the gym and climbing wall, we just pay it- but now I’m realizing that it could also be useful if their boiler ever goes!

And what should they “figure” out? Exactly? Presumably the landlord knows, and they’ve booked an engineer and the response back is two days to hot water. They’ve done all the figuring out they can do.

You do no that not all Uni students have access to a kitchen? That even those that do won’t be able to heat up more than a tiny saucepan of water? That they are not allowed any kettles or hot plates. There are no baths…

OMG. I wouldn't have a cold shower, but I can cope with a sink wash for a couple of days! Boil water and use that - there must be a kettle!

Why wouldn't they have a kettle in the kitchen?

More to the point, why wouldn’t they have a plug and a kettle in their room?! I was in catered halls so no kitchens but everyone had a kettle in their room.

It's not that they can't possibly figure it out. I mean ultimately they could just have a cold shower.

But why shouldn't they be helpful if they want to be?

It's winter. I wouldn't be taking a cold shower unless I stank to high heaven.

Well, here it’s autumn and the temp is in the mid teens. No one will freeze from having a couple of cold showers.

My stinky kids would happily just not wash.

parents can help - but why are they rescuing their college aged young adult from cold water - are we serious? they should be able to figure this out at that age. otherwise, why did we send them to university?

I'm assuming this is an American context?

Well its November. And it is mid teens here too, but I'd not be taking a cold shower.

November isn’t winter, and it’s very mild.

i wouldn’t take a cold shower out of choice, no. But it wouldn’t kill me to do so a couple of times. Though I’d just go to the leisure centre or a mate’s.

But it's an hour each way - so a two hour return trip just to collect them. And I'd assume you'd have to take them back again - so four hours driving. How would anyone fit that in their day? I'd have to leave around 6am to collect before work!