Allowing college kids to deal with cold showers for 2 days

[Randicrawfordcoaching]

A mom posted in a group that her college kids had to deal with cold showers for two days and she asked if she should go get her and bring her home. Mom lives an hour away. I made a post and said absolutely not! They are in college and can figure it out! Parents came out of the woodwork freaking out on me and said if they could help with something small like this, they absolutely would do it. I’m horrified that we coddle our college kids the way we do. AIBU🤷‍♀️😂

that's the beauty of this story.

It's "kids" who are being berated

but it's the mum who is all upset over social media, and the OP who is lecturing and making judgements.

Meanwhile the kids/ students are just getting on with their lives 😂

I can’t imagine forking out for a cheap hotel room when I was at uni! Though I can imagine asking a pal in a different halls if I could come and use their shower. Or go to the sports centre, as you say. I also can’t even imagine involving my parents in any of this, though.

If I didn't have a friend with a working bathroom nearby I'd get myself home. I don't think a young adult actively needs their parent to come rushing along.

I do think that those parents that do that are the ones with the need 🤷‍♀️

I can’t imagine even mentioning this to my parents when I was at university (mid nineties), unless having a general catch up. The idea of one of them driving to get me to spare me 2 days of pits and bits washes is absolutely wild. I truly can’t comprehend that someone would think this is the best solution.

Ds would happily not have a shower for two days... If me fetching him made a difference to him having one I'd do it.

But when we had no hot water for a couple of days people offered their house for a shower.
So I wouldn't want to go without, and especially with that sort of thing you can think it'll be two days then they put you off for an emergency for a day, need another part and it would become a week...

Surely the kids can figure it out? Go to a friend's house, go to a gym or swimming pool, boil a kettle and have a facecloth wash - there are ways. My mother would have had a 12 hour round trip to collect me - no way would that be happening! 😆 Likewise the hotel room 💰 🔥

My DD has alternating icy cold and boiling hot water coming out of her shower. She needs to go to reception at her halls and talk to them about it or at least email. I have sat on my hands for 6 weeks - I could email them and cc the disability team, as she is ASD/ADHD - but I am trying reeeeeally hard not to fix this issue for her. Long term she’ll get more self esteem and resilience by either putting up with it or by resolving it with the caretaking team. Her radiator doesn’t work either …

ETA: it’s killing me, though! 🤣

Using a kettle and a bowl and a sponge for 2 days will not kill them. I speak as someone who lived through hurricane Helene last year when we didn't have electricity or running water for literally weeks, which was awful but we improvised and kept moderately clean. Sometimes things break, and 2 days with the prospect of the hot water then being fixed is obviously not great but it's perfectly manageable.

I'd have expected my DC to work around this kind of minor difficulty by themselves. Not that they were only an hour away anyway, so I suppose it's moot, but if they wanted to come home to use the hot water they'd have been very welcome. There would have to have been a particular reason to give up half a day for something so trivial.

I totally agree with this.
Let them find a solution.
If their solution is to get themsleves home, fine.
If it is to boil a kettle and have a warm wash, fine.
If it is to ask a friend to use the bathroom at their house, fine.

I am quite taken aback by the answers on here, which are so shocked that the heat is out for 2 days.
That is really not the end of the world, are we so mollycoddled that we can't do one of the above for oursleves and run in to rescue our adult kids?

I would not like a cold shower, so I wouldn't have one, I'd so something else, just as I would expect my kid to do.
Problem solving is a skill which I expect my kids to learn by solving the problems they encounter.

Unless this cheap hotel cost a fiver a night I can't imagine any student choosing that as an option.

No, i would not goa nd get my child. If they wanted to travel home to shower. Welcome.

I would expect my kids to be able to sort this out this out themselves. Going to the gym, pool, friend, booking some water in the kettle and mixing it with cold water etc.

I remember i was just out of the gym and about to go to a party so shower was a must. There was only cold water. I don't do cold so I boiled some water and mixed it with the cold water. Off to party. Told my mom about it the next day and I was offended by how shocked she was for my ability to do this 😅

I mean I can’t imagine being so desperate for a shower within 48 hours that I think it’d be worth spending 2 hours in a car to get one, irrespective of who I was/wasn’t inconveniencing in the process. Hot water in a basin is fine.

How is the hot water breaking down an hours drive away “parents actively seeking to make life difficult for their children.” It’s not their fault or actions that’s done that.

When I was at uni it wouldn’t have crossed my mind to call my mom for this. I think mr kids would’ve gone round to a friend’s.

If they wanted go come home, of course that's fine. But I wouldn't be doing 4 hours of driving to facilitate it!

I'm sure they could find a closer solution if they really wanted a hot shower.

I suspect modern communication methods have made a difference to how involved parents are - I was at uni at a similar time and to talk with my parents I had to queue to use one of a handful of telephones in the corridors of our halls. I dont think my parents even had an email address. We used to write letters!

Because families like an excuse to spend time together? Because families help each other out? I would imagine OP doesn't have children over the age of 18. If she had, she would probably realise that they are still your kids and always will be.

Happy to be in the minority & agree with this post!!

This is where parents may need to step in to support them. So while no, I wouldnt think I needed to fetch my child home, nor would I say 'they're old enough to get on with it, it won't hurt them' either. I'd be supporting them to get the problem fixed.

@5128gap I agree that this is the type of support that they really need. We’ve had our boiler break down and need a replacement part -it can take a few days for parts to arrive.

As parents, we can check in with them to ensure that the landlord is communicating and getting it fixed, plus advise them to shower at the Athletic Centre, etc.
That type of support is probably the most useful tbh.

Why have a cold shower? Boil the kettle and have a nice warm body wash, how hard can it be to figure that out. I despair for the future if this is a problem where a solution couldn't be found.

An hour each way for a hot shower is ridiculous. I would tell them not to be so pathetic and deal with it.

No one is saying they aren’t allowed home but the mum in the OP would be better off guiding her dd in how to get the problem resolved (contacting whoever) and making sure it’s chased up, rather than running to uni to bring her home like a damsel in distress, when she hasn’t even asked her mum to do that.

I could easily live two days with no shower… so that’s probably what I’d do. After that, I’d probably book a swimming session at my local leisure centre and use their shower while I was there.

Suggesting local alternatives such as the university gym, fine. Not bringing them home.

Glad that they want to keep clean though, bad personal hygiene which comes about from laziness is not pleasant.

We didn’t even have a shower growing up (60s/70s) so a sink filled with hot water, a flannel and soap was the norm until bath night 😁