Allowing college kids to deal with cold showers for 2 days

[Randicrawfordcoaching]

A mom posted in a group that her college kids had to deal with cold showers for two days and she asked if she should go get her and bring her home. Mom lives an hour away. I made a post and said absolutely not! They are in college and can figure it out! Parents came out of the woodwork freaking out on me and said if they could help with something small like this, they absolutely would do it. I’m horrified that we coddle our college kids the way we do. AIBU🤷‍♀️😂

Id be boiling a kettle and having a 'pits n bits' wash myself.

If there’s a few of them I’d suggest chipping in together and getting a hotel room as close as possible and showering there, but only if there’s no other options such as a gym.

What I don’t understand is why the DM should go and fetch them. If they’re at university and can’t cope without a shower for a couple of days, and haven’t the nouse to go to somewhere else (like a friend’s) with hot water, why can’t they get themselves home? Why does Mumsy have to pick them up? Get on a train!!

My 15 year old daughter frequently has an ice cold shower, off her own back, to raise her tolerance to discomfort.

it’s just water. Nothing more.

if you can’t deal with a cold shower a couple of times you are a very weak human being who will fold like a deck chair as soon as the wind blows a bit hard.

Good lord.

No OP, I would not be driving an hour for this. And not a two hour round trip!

It's entirely possible to wash using heated up water for two days if necessary. Or to go to shower at the gym or elsewhere. I'd expect my kids to be able to figure that out, it's not rocket science.

I'd not expect my kids to want to make a two hour round trip, maybe more than once, either, where there are so many other ways to deal with it!

If I were quite close it would be a differernt story though I'd expect them to make their own way over unless I was already driving that way.

I suppose I consider an hour away to be quite close. I have family who live an hour away and see them regularly. When my parents are on holiday I drive an hour to their home a couple of times a week to water their plants. But perhaps I coddle them too.

I also approached this from the assumption that they would have already tried other options - showering at a friend's etc and not been able to. I probably would expect some attempt at sorting themselves out before asking me to come and get them.

it just wouldn't be a big deal to me though. If they were 3 hours away I'd be sympathetic but definitely wouldn't be offering to pick them up. An hour? Meh.

I’d be there to advise.

Boil a kettle, add some cold, strip wash. Wash hair over sink/bath.

But not to drive for 4 hours if it’s only for 2 days.

Yes when we had no hot water for a few days I managed with a kettle, a jug and a flannel. I wouldnt have expected anyone do do a 2 hour round trip.

This exactly. College courses obviously cancel out any common sense.

They'd be welcome to come back to mine for a warm shower, and if they didn't have access to a university or local gym or pool to use the showers there then I might offer to get them a gym pass. But I wouldn't be driving 2 hours to bring them home and then take them back. Is college age 16+ or 18+?

That wouldn't change my answer, but 16+ I might help with making some calls to the landlord to chivvy them along to get it fixed...

I haven’t voted because I can see both sides! An hour isn’t far and I would probably go and get my DD, but also yes they’re adults and can figure it out, shower at the gym, strip wash with water from a kettle etc!
Also surely there is a bus/train the DD could have used?

I don’t like cold showers but would grin and bear a very quick shower for a couple of days rather than spending two hours out of my day travelling for a five minute hot shower. The world really wouldn’t end if someone went without a shower for a couple of days and just had a very thorough strip wash, and, heaven forbid, did what we all used to do when I was young and wash their hair over a sink with a jug.

Why does everyone have to have a shower every day? It's easy enough to have a wash in the sink (using a kettle of hot water)

Utterly ridiculous to think you can't manage for 2 days with no shower. And a 2 hour trip in the car to boot, so bad for the environment.

Have these people never been to a festival??

You sound a bit over dramatic. I don't think an hour is very far away but don't understand why your student child wouldn't ask to use a friend's shower or go to the local swimming pool for a shower instead. Or even heat up some water in the kettle and wash hair/body in a sink. Always stepping in to resolve minor issues isn't doing them any favours in the long term.

Good grief. Does no one teach resilience and coping skills any more?
We had no electricity for 4 days after a storm and therefore no showers/hot water (or heating and lighting).We managed with using a wash basin and a face cloth - and that included my Uni age son. Nobody died as a result and nobody stunk!

Going to fetch someone from an hour away to bring them home for a shower is totally over the top. You can pay to have a shower at most leisure centres or swimming pools if they're that desperate.

I’m in a facebook group for the “parents of students at x university”. The batshittery is impressive and the lack of resilience is horrifying.

And I say that as someone whose DC comes home for most weekends - he chose a close university so he could.

The same students probably pay to go to festivals where they have no hot water.
I've had a weekend in January with no hot water or heating, I didn't even consider going else where, just got out the halogen heater and extra blankets.
I'm with you OP, it does seem a bit OT. If I knew someone was in this situation they'd be welcome to use my facilities but I wouldn't be concerned about them or going to pick them up (elderly and disabled aside).

I'd expect my children to at least try & find a solution to the cold shower problem before just "giving up".
They'll always be welcome to come home for a warm shower or whatever & I'll always be there to help them, but I would at least expect them to try. My parents would have the same expectations of me too.

No I wouldn’t be going to get them. They’re welcome to come home if they can make their own way there.

Aside from the fact that I don’t actually have that much time to spare on any given weekday … there are plenty of alternatives. Have a cold shower. Skip a shower. Go to a swimming pool or a gym. Go to a friend’s house. Go to another dorm.

In my opinion, if they can't find a solution, for a two day problem, they don't have sufficient intellect to be at university in the first place.

My friend's boiler broke last year and she came to mine for a shower 🤷‍♀️. I don't think it's 'coddling' someone to let them use your bathroom and I'd definitely let my children do the same, regardless of age.

I mean it is just a shower isn't it, hardly a break down of society. You sound equally as dramatic as the other mum

I'd expect my DC to go to a friend's house/halls or to the sports centre if they had no hot water for a shower. The Universities that my children and I attended all had showers in the Sports centres and/or Union. I find it hard to believe that there's any university that doesn't have a functioning shower somewhere on the campus that a student could access.
Our adult DC do sometimes phone home for advice - most recently it was DD asking her Dad about some kind of faulty power tool - but I can't think of a single occasion that we've actually had to go to help them with anything. A phone call or video call usually does the trick, and there's a YouTube tutorial on just about every domestic task these days. Of course we'd go in a real emergency though.

you are not the cool mom you think you are.

You’re awful if you think just because your child is 18 they need to figure their life out alone. This mom did what she could. I would be miserable going through this for 2 days so I would absolutely help my child out if I could.