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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that friends all love ‘new girl’ when I don’t

143 replies

purplerain100 · 09/11/2025 21:18

There’s a small group of us who hang out… all bought together by circumstance, random group but we’ve all clicked & have hung out for coffees/ drinks for about 4 years. We’re not close close friends but as far as ‘new’ friendships go, there’s warmth & support & laughs. I should point out we’re all 40-50 yrs old. About 6 months ago a new girl drifted into the ‘gang’- welcomed by all as others have been over the years. She’s a very big personality. Let’s call her sue. Sue seems to have built bonds with everyone but doesn’t give me the time of day beyond niceties. I’ve realised she has never once asked me a question about myself, in fact it’s like she ignores me.. She talks about herself all the time & every gathering is dominated by sue- it’s like the ‘sue show’ every time we meet. The thing is everyone else laps it up & thinks she’s great. Now I’m thinking maybe these aren’t my people after all. I know this makes me sound jealous & maybe I am. It just makes me sad that a group I thought were my friends all seem to just hinge around sue & I don’t enjoy spending time with them anymore.

OP posts:
Allaboutthecats · 09/11/2025 21:22

You've been Wendied!

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/11/2025 21:23

Did you ever make the effort with Sue?

Allaboutthecats · 09/11/2025 21:23

Seriously, that must be really difficult. Have the others changed his they interact with you ?

Original poster
purplerain100 · 09/11/2025 21:23

what does that mean?!

OP posts:
CosySeason · 09/11/2025 21:24

Maybe she can tell you cba with her.

Original poster
purplerain100 · 09/11/2025 21:24

Allaboutthecats · 09/11/2025 21:23

Seriously, that must be really difficult. Have the others changed his they interact with you ?

No not at all but they don’t get the airtime to have the chats we used to cos of sue!!

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 09/11/2025 21:24

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/11/2025 21:23

Did you ever make the effort with Sue?

Was going to ask the same. Could she be thinking similarly about you?

Ineedanewsofa · 09/11/2025 21:25

Place marking as I want to know who Wendy is @Allaboutthecats

LilyGeorge · 09/11/2025 21:26

purplerain100 · 09/11/2025 21:24

No not at all but they don’t get the airtime to have the chats we used to cos of sue!!

Show quote history

So invite them out for 1:1 time. Not for an anti-Sue bitching session, just to ensure you have continuing friendships.

Allaboutthecats · 09/11/2025 21:26

Actually I think Wendied describes when you introduce a friend to a group and they then become tight with everyone else, excluding you.

Does she ask the others questions?

TheatricalLife · 09/11/2025 21:27

Being Wendied is inviting someone you know to join your group of friends, then that person pushes you out of the group.
This isn't really a true Wendy as the OP didn't know them beforehand, but similar.

Coconutter24 · 09/11/2025 21:27

Has sue asked other members of the group things about themselves? Have you asked Sue about herself? Sometimes people with a big personality can be a bit overwhelming especially when they dominate the conversation. Are you usually the one to do a lot of talking in the group?

Original poster
purplerain100 · 09/11/2025 21:28

When she first joined the group I was 100% open to her, in fact gave her quite a bit of time on a prob she had. I don’t know if something happened along the way then that she didn’t like.. I can’t think what tho? She’s not rude to me or anything, it’s just like I’m invisible to her. I’ve even been talking to the group before & she’ll turn & start a new conversation with the person next to her. Little things like this I’ve noticed & added up to re point I’m now hyper aware maybe. I’ve just never come across anyone like this before.. she’s literally crawling up the backside of others in the group & blanking me!!

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 09/11/2025 21:29

I wonder if Sue is the type of person who constantly does this and once she wears out her welcome or stop getting the focus that she needs, she moves on to the next group.

TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 09/11/2025 21:31

Person that you don’t like doesn’t like you?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/11/2025 21:31

Is she like Amanda from Motherland?

I think you're probably a good judge of character and can see right through her and others can't (yet). They probably will eventually. Sue probably knows that you see right through her and that's why she doesn't talk to you. I can guarantee it.

I remember being in the same situation a few times in my 20s. Couldn't understand it why my friends couldn't see they were being used or taking advantage in some other way, or just not true friends. I never said anything, and the person "outed" themselves in the end and my friends ended up upset for a while when they came to the realisation for themselves.

Blinkingbother · 09/11/2025 21:31

I had totally forgotten about the Wendy thread - must’ve been years ago!! - but yes, basically means someone manoeuvring into your group of friends and pushing you out! So sorry op, not much you can do except either smile and put up or move on. It’s shit though, sorry 😔.

Mydahliasareshit · 09/11/2025 21:31

What is she supplying to your friends that excludes you op?
Cocaine, booze, fun nights at hers, some kind of glamour, a famous friend or relative?
What's the pull?

Original poster
purplerain100 · 09/11/2025 21:32

Allaboutthecats · 09/11/2025 21:26

Actually I think Wendied describes when you introduce a friend to a group and they then become tight with everyone else, excluding you.

Does she ask the others questions?

Edited

Not really.. in a group coffee scenario for instance, she’ll hold court with everyone asking her questions & if someone else has a lot to say she engages with them but if it’s me she almost moves it along. Hard to explain!

OP posts:
RatsAss · 09/11/2025 21:33

I had a former colleague like this, it was frustrating watching everyone falling for her guff.

TheatricalLife · 09/11/2025 21:36

Maybe it's as simple as you just don't like each other. It doesn't go as far as hate, but you don't click and you don't have much to say to each other. I think all of us could think of someone we just don't really like. It's not really surprising that if you don't like her, she can tell and treats you accordingly.
As to what to do, that's up to you really. As the group obviously like you too, it seems a shame to cut everyone off just because you dislike one person. It depends how much you can put up with her.

Original poster
purplerain100 · 09/11/2025 21:38

Mydahliasareshit · 09/11/2025 21:31

What is she supplying to your friends that excludes you op?
Cocaine, booze, fun nights at hers, some kind of glamour, a famous friend or relative?
What's the pull?

This it it.. maybe she’s ’more fun’ but I am genuinely surprised the group aren’t fed up with the way our dynamic has changed, they seem to love her. And she’s not a bad or horrible person at all. In fact when we went out for drinks recently her & I had a few laughs - I thought we’d be better after that - but reverted back the next time we all met up. I’m pretty sure she’s set up WhatsApp groups without me on too. Actually when writing all this out I’m thinking f**k that, I just need to take myself out the group really don’t I..

OP posts:
ChikinLikin · 09/11/2025 21:38

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/11/2025 21:31

Is she like Amanda from Motherland?

I think you're probably a good judge of character and can see right through her and others can't (yet). They probably will eventually. Sue probably knows that you see right through her and that's why she doesn't talk to you. I can guarantee it.

I remember being in the same situation a few times in my 20s. Couldn't understand it why my friends couldn't see they were being used or taking advantage in some other way, or just not true friends. I never said anything, and the person "outed" themselves in the end and my friends ended up upset for a while when they came to the realisation for themselves.

Agree with this.
Hang on in there.
If she's not that great, they'll all go off her eventually. Or if she does have redeeming features, maybe you'll grow to like her?

Original poster
purplerain100 · 09/11/2025 21:45

My nature is to like everyone to begin with. To give everyone time. I don’t like thinking someone doesn’t like me when I don’t think they’ve even got to know me..

OP posts:
Applepe · 09/11/2025 21:47

Went through something very similar in the workplace when I was in my twenties. Didn’t matter what I said or did, this other girl refused to acknowledge me in any way. Then she started smearing me and eventually started sending other colleagues down to my office to talk about the imagined things I’d done to her. A grade A, gold plated, card carrying narcissist. Either suck it up and carry on being perplexed that everyone else can’t see what a manipulative horror she is, or bow out gracefully. I recommend the latter for your own peace of mind.