Husband giving me an ultimatum

[confusedwife847]

Dh and I have been married for 3 years.
Recently we’ve been having challenges with his dc. Sc is at the age they’ve realised parents aren’t together and is starting to want them back.
I normally give dh lifts to get his son as the buses take quite a while.
Today I’m not feeling well mentally, recovering from a breakdown so I asked dh to catch the bus.
First of all he gave me the silent treatment.
Then he said if he catches the bus he won’t be coming home.
When I challenged this he tried to change the wording.
Then he said if he catches the bus he won’t be talking to me when he gets home and he’ll he sleeping on the sofa.
Again I confronted this and then he said I don’t look unwell. I said how on earth do you want me to look unwell; harm myself 🤷‍♀️
I refused to give in and said I am not well enough to drive. Then he did his usual of becoming all mega apologetic, puppy dog eyes and saying sorry etc.

chat GPT said this is emotional blackmail. My friend thinks it’s bordering on emotional abuse. It’s not the first time he’s done this.
I just don’t know if I can come back from this hurt.

Leave him and take care of yourself and your kids. All the best, Op.

This is so true.

My ex PRETENDED to have vision problems then let it slip that he wasn't sure he wanted to fund a car.

As I predicted now he's ex he has suddenly regained his perfect vision. His daughter is going the same way.

Guy’s an idiot, but you already knew this. Does he do anything in the house?

Oh thank goodness! Your life is easier without the gaslighting prick. What a relief! Honestly it makes such a change, it’s a delight to hear you can manage. So many women are totally stuck. You can do it!

Yes he does help in the house a lot and helps with my kids.

This is what you get when you marry a loser who has responsibilities but cannot drive. Therefore unable to cope on his own.

He needs to be a man and sort his own car situation. Especially if he has a child.

Does he work?
Does he earn money in an actual job, not benefits?

If that is how he behaves on the one occasion you do not help with his DC it does not bode well for future.

I have had this.

I did the same "next time you'd better mean in because I'll believe you"

You have to follow through though otherwise the message is I'll accept it forever.

If he’s like this a lot then yes emotional abuse/blackmail. I expect of you got rid of him you’d find your mental health improving very quickly.

So he's too nervous to drive, does he 'look' nervous? Why does your reasoning need to have a 'look'? You've clearly supported him being too nervous to drive, yet you have to justify and prove it when you're not feeling up to it?

Well done for standing up for yourself (not that you should have to with a partner!) keep looking after yourself, you can only do what you feel up to. Take care 💐 and I hope you can find the strength to pull yourself out of this low point, it's a shame he isn't supporting you through it but... Maybe you should consider what is best for you and your future.
This manipulative shit from him shouldn't ever happen, I doubt I'd be able to forget that he pulled this trick when you're already feeling down.

edited

What they all said. Plus stop stressing about this one incident and make a list of what you need to do to get divorced, sort the house and then never see the tear again.

Don't be one of those posters who has a vent then accepts the shitty status quo, exposing your children to a fucked up relationship in their home even longer, then has many more unproductive vents before actually doing something to improve your lot.

If you don't want to separate he needs to learn to drive asap. You can't keep doing all the driving END OF. If anyone's giving ultimatums it should be you. He's just trying to manipulate you with the threats. If you keep driving him he has no incentive to learn. I know some won't agree with me but I think 'not driving for spurious reasons' should be added to the red flag handbook.

Stop being his taxi.

So many people love to get free taxi services from family and friends. Just stop doing it.

LTB

Ah sorry OP i spent years with a useless man who didn't drive and who would give me the silent treatment if I didn't drive him around and make all the effort. Its tiring, get outta there.

My ONLY criteria for my next relationship was that he could drive!! My husband always says he should thank my ex for setting the bar so low!

(Obviously a non driver is not a problem if he's independent but we live in the countryside).

A shame he backtracked, he'd have done you a favour. I'm sure your recovery would have gathered some speed!

His behaviour is 100% unacceptable. I suspect your mental health will improve significantly if you get shot of this man. Best wishes.

Yep emotional abuse!

Pure manipulation and gaslighting you!
Get rid of him.

Ive been there and it doesn’t get any better, your not well and not only is he not supporting you he’s also mocking you.

Honestly your worth more.

So when he said it the first time you said next time you are out. And now he's done it twice more and you've done nothing? So he knows he can treat you like this and you'll put up with it. You need to stick to your word and throw him out now - why wait until it gets even worse?

This in bucket loads.
Do not have children with this dick
Your life would be a living hell.
Time to say ta ta🙋

This is coercive control and emotional abuse.

Why is he not driving or learning to?