Husband giving me an ultimatum

[confusedwife847]

Dh and I have been married for 3 years.
Recently we’ve been having challenges with his dc. Sc is at the age they’ve realised parents aren’t together and is starting to want them back.
I normally give dh lifts to get his son as the buses take quite a while.
Today I’m not feeling well mentally, recovering from a breakdown so I asked dh to catch the bus.
First of all he gave me the silent treatment.
Then he said if he catches the bus he won’t be coming home.
When I challenged this he tried to change the wording.
Then he said if he catches the bus he won’t be talking to me when he gets home and he’ll he sleeping on the sofa.
Again I confronted this and then he said I don’t look unwell. I said how on earth do you want me to look unwell; harm myself 🤷‍♀️
I refused to give in and said I am not well enough to drive. Then he did his usual of becoming all mega apologetic, puppy dog eyes and saying sorry etc.

chat GPT said this is emotional blackmail. My friend thinks it’s bordering on emotional abuse. It’s not the first time he’s done this.
I just don’t know if I can come back from this hurt.

You don't need therapy, you need to leave this man. He is affecting your mental health.

That's really not helpful.

All this misery because the disgusting bastard cannot be bothered to take his own child on a bus. He’s a pig. You need to be smart and work out how to get yourself out of this marriage as priority.

I’d be encouraging him to go back to his ex and you leave him. I don’t drive but couldn’t imagine behaving the way he is.

You probably made a mistake in marrying him but you can fix that by unmarrying him.

Tell him to get on his bike, literally and figuratively. He sounds vile.

He wasn’t or she wasn’t?

Or was his unhappiness because she wouldn’t put up with his shit?

You married a man with a young child in need of a nanny, housekeeper and chauffeur.

Exactly. And he doesn't sound ecstatic in his current marriage either if he's laying down ultimatums to bring you into line OP. Probably best if he fucks off and is unhappily single.

He's an abusive twat who doesn't care about your mental health.

And pathetically, cannot get himself from a to b without you....

It's emotional manipulation - emotional abuse, and also coercive - which is also abuse.
He's shown you his hand, so now you know what sort of man he is (if you didn't before).
I hope you start to feel better soon.

Too bad. Lots of people don't drive, it's a valid choice, but they then have to accept that buses and taxis are going to be part of their life.

Both chat gpt and your friend are correct.

Get him gone.

OP you did well to stand up to him. Your mental health comes first. I am wondering if your emotional wellbeing is low because of him or is this the first time he has demonstrated manipulative behaviour?

YANBU.
what a hypocrite, he won’t drive at all because he’s nervous, yet has a strop and sulk because you can’t always give him a lift because of your MH.

This is the shittest comment I've seen on Mumsnet in a while!

OP clearly states that SHE'S HAD A BREAKDOWN.

What do you want her to do? Have a cup of tea, pull her big girl pants up and drive her abusive husband around for the sake of her step kids?

She's married to a 'man' who gaslights her into resorting to asking strangers and technology if she's being abused and refuses to drive due his own mental health while minimising hers.

Fuck THAT.

Wake up as he’s not loving and caring as he has proved this with flashing lights today

If when he gets back, he won’t speak to you and sleeps on the sofa, that’s a win for you, isn’t it?

That’s right. I don’t drive and have never felt entitled to other people driving me around like they’re my personal chauffeur. He’s got no shame being so entitled.

Your first sentence is not correct. You forgot to put the word ‘Some’ at the beginning.

Get rid of him and your mental health will improve drastically.

So he’s both emotionally abusive and gaslighting you. Please get rid OP.

I was on a similar situation, mentally unwell, hadn’t long moved on with my ex. He told me how he thought it was no coincidence that I’d not long moved in then had to be off work sick.

I moved out soon after.

Please look after yourself.

First post nailed it!

FFS. The OP is recovering from a breakdown, caused by running around after her useless soon to be ex, who is emotionally abusing and gaslighting her, and you think this gem is a worthwhile contribution?

I used to love riding the bus with my son when he was that age. It’s a real treat, shame your partner can’t see it that way

OP don't set yourself alight to keep others warm. Driving yourself to a breakdown because of the overload, and he STILL thinks you owe him a taxi service - don't do it any more. Get yourself away from this leech.