Husband giving me an ultimatum

[confusedwife847]

Dh and I have been married for 3 years.
Recently we’ve been having challenges with his dc. Sc is at the age they’ve realised parents aren’t together and is starting to want them back.
I normally give dh lifts to get his son as the buses take quite a while.
Today I’m not feeling well mentally, recovering from a breakdown so I asked dh to catch the bus.
First of all he gave me the silent treatment.
Then he said if he catches the bus he won’t be coming home.
When I challenged this he tried to change the wording.
Then he said if he catches the bus he won’t be talking to me when he gets home and he’ll he sleeping on the sofa.
Again I confronted this and then he said I don’t look unwell. I said how on earth do you want me to look unwell; harm myself 🤷‍♀️
I refused to give in and said I am not well enough to drive. Then he did his usual of becoming all mega apologetic, puppy dog eyes and saying sorry etc.

chat GPT said this is emotional blackmail. My friend thinks it’s bordering on emotional abuse. It’s not the first time he’s done this.
I just don’t know if I can come back from this hurt.

I ask chat GPT as sometimes I question myself. Sometimes he changes the wording and makes me doubt myself.

He is a monumental twat. He chooses not to drive so he gets the bus. You are not his personal chauffeur.

And yes you are being emotionally abused. I would dump him. You can do so much better than him. You deserve better too.

He is not loving and caring. He is a manipulating, gaslighting, emotionally abusive narcissist. The loving caring side that he shows you, is necessary for him to emotionally abuse you. If he acted like a little shit 100% of the time, you would presumably have left already. So he dangles little crumbs of decency in front of you, to draw you in/keep you there. The way a violent man uses flowers after giving his wife a slap. You are in an abusive relationship OP, your mental health will never recover as long as you stay in it.

He’s gaslighting you, too. What a horrible, cruel man he is.

Is his behaviour towards you anything to do with your breakdown? You don’t need to answer that here, just something to think about while you’re mullling it over.

You’ll feel a thousand times better once you get this abusive man out of your life. Please know your worth, OP. You deserve better than this. Stop doubting yourself; you can see from all the replies here that your instincts are right.

Have a good think about your housing & financial situation and arrange to see a solicitor about a divorce.

Sending you very best wishes.

He sounds like a massive dick, OP. I'd be thinking about other aspects of the relationship and how he behaves when he doesn't get his own way or you express your own opinion.

You were not being unreasonable to decline giving him a lift. You're not a taxi service. If he didn't want to get the bus, he could have called himself a taxi.

I'm surprised he tried to manipulate you into doing what he wanted, when you told him how you were feeling. Well done for sticking to your guns. (The silent treatment is a form of abuse, by the way.)

Another useless article who is too pathetic to
learn to drive then sulks when his partner won’t drive him around. Honestly OP, get out now. You are worth more.

This.

He is gaslighting u. He is not a good person.

Is the child old enough to come on the bus alone?

@confusedwife847 - you have MH problems and you are on a relationship with someone who is trying to emotionally blackmail you.

This is NOT a healthy relationship. He is clearly lacking respect for you.

You shouldn't have to ask chatGPT for advice on something like this. You now need to be assertive and tell him that you won't be driving him, he needs to respect the fact that you know when you are not feeling well, and that his attempt to manipulate you into driving wasnt nice.

Doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, the only reasonable reaction to anyone giving you an ultimatum threatening to leave is to say ‘on your way then’

and count yourself lucky they went , the trash took itself out.

Changing the locks could be illegal (depends if he is on the deeds or not). She’s probably better off without him but she certainly doesn’t need a criminal record as well. And he’s certainly not worth getting a criminal record for.

Sounds a little similar to my ex, thought he was the most handsome and caring man ever but after a year when he became comfortable, started putting me in positions where my mental and physical health was being compromised just so his selfish needs could be met. It was the biggest turn off and the scales just feel from my eyes. Knocked my confidence in dating tbh again as I’m generally a good judge of character and he had me well fooled. I broke it off once he started pushing me to sell up and buy jointly somewhere and I just couldn’t think of anything worse.

He needs to be a grown up and learn to drive or resign himself to a lifetime of buses. I'd be taking him nowhere. Tell him to his face that he was cold, uncaring, manipulative and you didn't sign up for this. You signed up for a relationship with a man, not a pathetic overgrown teenager who can't support you when you need him. If he wants to leave, let him.

Don’t have kids with him! Dump him!

I wonder why his relationship with the mother didnt work out? That could be eye opening (if you are on speaking terms with her, it would be interesting to hear her side of the story).

I say that because you have been married 3 years, so together at least a year longer than that. How old is the child? Did either of you own property before you got together? Who moved in with who? Who has the better career?

And crucially, why did you have a breakdown?

You are absolutely right, he’s a nasty manipulative arsehole. Do you have children together? Either way you need to get rid of him, but it’s obviously more complicated if there are children.

He's a twat. Flippant answer but next time if he's still there is to say. Leave your key and let me know when you're picking your stuff up.

If he's allowed to 'choose' not to drive - why aren't you? What's his answer to that?

No children together. I have 3 dc and he has 1dc.
A lot of my breakdown was due to so much pressure on me. Driving everyone; managing the house etc. I cut the lifts back and now only do the taking home. Sc is 7 so not old enough to travel alone.

He's a nasty piece of work. Dump him. You and your children will be much happier and more relaxed.

Whose name is the house in? Do you rent it or own it? Please don't tell me that you gave up your own home to move you and your children in with this dickhead!

Yes you have made a mistake and married a nasty, manipulative, emotionally abusive threatening man.

You have had a breakdown?
Has his abuse of you contributed towards this do you think?

I think you need to seriously look at extracting from this marriage asap.

Do not have children with him.
He uses threats of emotional abuse to try and control you.

He has a young child already?
Thats his responsibility, not yours.

Did you give him plenty notice that he'd have to get the bus? So that he wouldn't be late for contact and worrying his child, who you say is having a difficult time at the moment, with his parents being seperated?
Sunday bus timetables aren't the best.

He knows the right words to smooth things over as you fall for it.

He's a twat. Get help or get out. He won't change as he currently has no reason to.

Another here saying to divorce. He is a nasty git. You have had a breakdown as a result of his piss poor behaviour. That is bad. Really bad. Save yourself.