Husband giving me an ultimatum

[confusedwife847]

Dh and I have been married for 3 years.
Recently we’ve been having challenges with his dc. Sc is at the age they’ve realised parents aren’t together and is starting to want them back.
I normally give dh lifts to get his son as the buses take quite a while.
Today I’m not feeling well mentally, recovering from a breakdown so I asked dh to catch the bus.
First of all he gave me the silent treatment.
Then he said if he catches the bus he won’t be coming home.
When I challenged this he tried to change the wording.
Then he said if he catches the bus he won’t be talking to me when he gets home and he’ll he sleeping on the sofa.
Again I confronted this and then he said I don’t look unwell. I said how on earth do you want me to look unwell; harm myself 🤷‍♀️
I refused to give in and said I am not well enough to drive. Then he did his usual of becoming all mega apologetic, puppy dog eyes and saying sorry etc.

chat GPT said this is emotional blackmail. My friend thinks it’s bordering on emotional abuse. It’s not the first time he’s done this.
I just don’t know if I can come back from this hurt.

Are you the poster with 3 children with SEN and you married a loser with a child?
He doesn't work and you do everything including driving?
But you kept writing he was your soul mate, despite many posters telling you he is a total waster?

Apologies if not, but it immediately came to mind.

He chooses not to drive as apparently he’s too nervous.

Yet another non driver who thinks their partner is a built in chauffeur. But not too nervous to threaten to leave his chauffeur if said chauffeur won't drive him.

Let him leave. No great loss.

Well you’re being unreasonable to ask Chat GPT what common sense could have told you.

I’m guessing not, if he’s only just realised his parents aren’t together

People who don’t drive expect everyone else to adapt. If I suddenly said I’m not driving / I’m now a non driver I’d fully expect to either miss out or spend half my life on public transport.
It is his decision not to drive so it shouldn’t be made into being your problem to solve. You are not a taxi service.
He sounds manipulative and uncaring.

Sounds as though a nice long bus ride with his child ( or two nice long bus rides as I assume you won’t be giving him a lift home) is just what he and his child need, a perfect time to have a chat about life, living arrangements, feelings, the future, how they feel about each other, his mum, you, your children,school, friendships etc etc. there can’t be many opportunities for them to have one on one time without distractions.

Which come to think of it is probably one of the many reasons your partner likes you to be there chauffeuring him around, so he doesn’t have to get into deep conversations with his son on his own..

I checked all the bus and train times before saying I couldn’t do the lift and he had 4 hours notice before he needed to get the bus. The bus would get him back in time for handover etc. He wasn’t happy as won’t be back here until around 8.30!

“Too nervous to drive” utterly ridiculous! However if that’s his choice, he’ll need to get the bus or make other arrangements. How dare he expect you to be his taxi service, particularly if you’re not well. He has started to take it and your good nature for granted.

If you want to stay with him, now he’s being unreasonable, you’ll need to sit him down and have a hard discussion about his assumption that he can use you as a taxi.

If EA is happening regularly I’d bet that is why you feel unwell - he’s chipped away at you and worn you down.

Ultimatum over a lift? A lift which is a fav? Goodness me. This man isn't great, and am sorry, I am not shocked that you are suffering mentally if this is the kind of stunt he pulls.

I don't know what the rest of your relationship is like, but honestly, I can't help but wonder if you'd be better off without a manipulator. Only a question you can answer really but give some serious thought when you are feeling better. Hugs.

Run! Fast! You don't need this nonsense in your life, even if he looks/performs like a Greek god and is mahoosively rich, it is not worth it.

Sounds like a total loser, he can’t even drive himself and wants a chauffeur.

Embarrassing dud of a man.

Can you be on your own for a while, sounds like he is making your life worse not better.

Entirely a problem of his own making if he chooses not to drive. Presumably he doesn’t have a car of his own but has he ever driven or passed his test?

Your mental health will no doubt improve if you separate from this awful man.

Sounds to me like Mr Wonderful was a far bigger part of your breakdown than you are currently able to admit.

Are you having therapy? If not I really think that you should. If you are, do you talk to them about your husband?

You are being unreasonable using chatGPT to do your thinking for you, as though it can give you any sound advice on human relationships. It’s incredibly juvenile and it’s just a shame children are involved in this situation with such immature adults who can’t get it together.

If had equine therapy and mindfulness which have taught me a lot. I’ve put boundaries in place since then which he’s found hard.
Im starting therapy with the nhs at the end of the month
oh and in reply to a previous post, we private rent.

Now you know why he’s divorced

If you were broken up he'd have to get a bus or taxi and presumably was doing it before so you can remind him of that.

I imagine she doesn't have anyone else she feels she can talk to. And it was right in this case.

His ex had a very lucky escape didnt she? I imagine his behaviour is exactly why his children's parents aren't together.

Why don't you do the same op? You don't have to live like this.

And to be honest you have an obligation to make sure your dc aren't subjected to this either.

Gosh op he sounds awful and I’d put money on him being a huge factor in your breakdown. please consider leaving him or reaching out to someone like Woman’s Aid who might be able to help you see the situation for what it is.

on a practical note, why on earth are you sorting out what bus he gets and worrying yourself with his travel arrangements? Sorry DH I’m not well should be sufficient for him to leave you alone and sort his own shit out. This is not a good relationship for you or for your children to witness.

He needs to learn to drive and drive himself.

He was living in the same town as his child before we met.
He left his exw as he wasn’t happy in the marriage.

No need to be such an arse