Kid left out of party - why?!

[Partypooper101]

DD9 is in a small very boy heavy class. A girl in the class who she considers a friend, not a bestie, but definitely a friend, is having a party and has invited all the girls in the class bar DD and one other girl. Before everyone comes for me, yes of course I know nobody is obligated to invite anyone to their party, and no there have 100% not been any fallouts etc. There’s definitely no issues between them, DD was surprised not to be invited and although she’s not said anything about it at school, at home she’s admitted to me she’s hurt at being left out and doesn’t understand “what she’s done wrong to be left out”. The parents of the girl whose party it is are known to be wealthy; it’s not a money issue of having to be strict on numbers, and it’s being held at their massive house so not a space issue either! DD has invited this girl to every party she’s ever had (& we’re definitely not wealthy! 😂)
I know I’m probably being pathetic but it stings. DD is lovely. I’m not saying that blindly either, she really is. Why’s she been left out?! ☹️

I was not invited to lots of parties, and even had other kids say they weren't going if I was invited. I've also been bullied. I still think it's fine to not invite every child to every party. Your child is sad, of course it's not nice, but it's part of life. Sit down together and watch Inside Out (the first one, not the second one).

My daughter has picked an activity for her birthday that is 10 people max so only 9 kids can be invited. If she invited two cousins or friends from after school clubs that would leave 7 to pick from school.
It’s most likely a situation like that.

Most give their children a set number and your daughter isn’t on the favourites list, it’s life and you and your daughter need to get use to it, as it won’t be the last time.

If you do that every time she's not invited somewhere then you'll be doing a lot of pandering.

Perhaps write a little clearer and correctly, before attacking the OP?

Definition of excluded- to be denied access to a place (and other things). The OP’s daughter was excluded from this party.
If my work team had a party and all but me and one other person were invited I’d be hurt and wondering why.
Feels like there are some people on here trying to justify their own shitty behaviour

But it isn't all of the class except for 2 girls. It isn't a full class party in the first place.

Excluded.

I’m not sure why that should change the OP’s daughter’s feelings. She’s been left out of the girls. But you obviously think it’s fine so there we are

Honestly as the parent of almost adult children I wish I’d never wasted any time or energy on this stuff when my kids were little.
Move and model the unbothered energy to your daughter

I think it's fine for OP's DD to be sad that she isn't invited to the party. She wasn't the only girl left out though which would be different.

Maybe the girl is closer friends with some boys, maybe she has some cousins she wanted to invite etc not inviting her isn't automatically because the girl wants to be mean towards her or is intentionally leaving her out.

Parties aren't something that everyone has access to, where access can be denied, they're events you're invited to. It's up to the host or the hosts parents or whoever is paying for it to invite guests, not for anyone else to decide who should be included.

You'd need to give actual detail for that to be meaningful.

I don’t think it’s the same as a work party. I think at 9 it’s the same as an adults birthday party. Would I invite someone I like but aren’t massive friends with to a small birthday party? No.

I didn’t say the girl was being intentionally mean or deliberately trying to leave her out but I am surprised that her mum would say you can invite all but two girls when money and space doesn’t seem to be an issue. I’d have thought the mum would be able to anticipate the OP’s daughter and the other girl not invited would feel hurt. And I do wonder if posters on here with the “grow up” “get over it” and “that’s life” would say the same to their own kids in that situation. It’s quite sad if they would

I wouldn't tell my children any of those things but it is life, isn't it? You will not be invited to everything and children do need to learn how to cope with that.

No one knows or likely will ever know why she ultimately wasn't invited so I do think it is best for OP to comfort her child and then let it go.

Surely by not being invited you don’t have access to the party? I’m not saying the OP’s daughter is entitled to go to the party, I’m just saying I understand why she, and the OP, would feel hurt that she wasn’t and think it wasn’t kind to have not invited only two girls. I think this is the point not whether we agree with the meaning of the word excluded.

Only those invited to a party ever have access to the party, some people aren't invited and that's just life.

At that age they start to have smaller parties- I think it just feels more obvious because it’s a small class.

It hurts but it isn't mean. This birthday girl and your DD may be friendly but not particularly close. I'd sympathise with your daughter then encourage her to shake it off.

At this age it's very common to restrict numbers. It's not about how much physical space, often, but about how much party noise and chaos a family feel like dealing with.

I doubt there's anything more than "you can have 6 friends for your party".

Absolutely this, with bells on!

At 9 years old, it's probably a themed party with some kind of hired entertainment if held in the girl's home? So places will be limited. I imagine the mum asked her to invite X number of girls. Maybe there are cousins/family friends included in the headcount.

Regardless of how wealthy they are, hosting more than a few 9 year olds for a party might be more than parents feel comfortable with. I wouldn't want to be responsible for more than 5 children this age. Size of house is irrelevant.

Invitations these days aren't give and take. Maybe when they start school and for a couple of years after, but by year 3 children normally have friends they choose over others. Inviting all the girls/boys in the class naturally phases out.

Encourage your DD not to take it personally.

And nobody can be 100% sure if their child has been unkind to others, or if they misbehaved in some way at last year's party, or accidentally upset a girl in the class.

What I find odd is the concept of only inviting girls (or only boys) The primary school birthday parties held for me/I went to were always, without fail, a mix of boys and girls and this was many decades ago. Maybe some of the boys have been invited and it's had an impact on numbers.

Unless you’re on MN where people seem to believe they have the right to self invite to others events, or demand a reason as to why they weren’t invited, to turn up anyway as noted on this thread, to expect the party to be changed from what birthday child wants, to what their child prefers, and as per another current thread re parties, to host other people’s parties to suit their child!

The way you speak about the parents financial status and their home appears as if you are bitter and jealous and that’s probably rubbed off on your child who may have made an remark that has been repeated to the parents and quite rightly they have not invited your daughter.