AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

OP I’m a teacher (not history but the very basics of teaching are the same whatever your subject). Here is a very basic outline of what the tutor needs to do to have any hope of pushing up your DS’s grade:

Baseline his subject knowledge - this is to find out what facts he knows already as there’s no point teaching that again. This will also flag up important gaps.

Assess his basic skills- what are his essay writing skills like and how does he handle things like source materials? Does he have the skills needed to use them usefully in an exam?

Once that has been established and not before, the tutor can then start to teach your son the key facts he needs to know and then teach him how to turn those facts into proper exam answers. Facts on their own are no good, you also need to acquire key skills in how to answer questions well - wording your answers, how long a particular answer should be for the marks given etc.

Once he’s doing that (when he has enough subject knowledge and has acquired a sufficient skill level to transfer that knowledge into comprehensible exam answers) he can be taught how to revise what he knows. This will largely focus on revising the facts.

You are trying to start at the end of the process not the beginning. Learning how to revise, when he doesn’t really know anything yet makes no sense whatsoever. Having a great revision technique is useless if your gaps in your subject knowledge are so big you haven’t got a coherent understanding of each topic.

This is going to take a lot of hard work and it means starting right at the beginning and slogging on through. It’s only worth paying money to a tutor if a) your son is sufficiently motivated to knuckle down and work hard and b) if you let the tutor do his job and teach what he needs to teach.

If all you’re after is revision technique you don’t need a tutor quite honestly as it’s really not rocket science. It sounds like your son really does need a lot of extra work if he’s going to pass this exam and that includes boosting his subject knowledge quite significantly and learning the key skills as well. If you don’t understand or accept this you might as well dismiss the poor tutor now.

Oh for goodness sake, stop blaming it all on the tutor. He seems to be able to give good and accurate advice.
”the thing is…” and “I want….” This is your son’s responsibility, don’t choose for him and he will live with the consequences.
either way, if he’s at a 2 (not passing) and could potentially be brought up to a 4 if he wants to be committed, it’s still not enough as you said he needs a 6, right?

Have only read OP's posts so I'm sure I'm repeating what others have already said, but:

Why are you so focussed on having the tutor "prioritise teaching DS how to revise history" when the tutor has stressed that your son has huge "knowledge gaps"? To revise means to re-view - to go over the stuff that you have already covered and to cement that knowledge firmly in place. But, your son "doesn't make notes in the lessons" meaning that "DS has got no notes at all from the beginning of the year"- so he has nothing to review/revise.

How can your son revise something that he simply does not know?

@SoCloseToNothing1981 The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

Sorry... but how on earth do you get the Cold War confused with anything else at all?

(And this is coming from someone who is not old enough to have a living memory of any part of the Cold War).

I'm more than shocked. Genuinely. Not sarcasm.

You're seriously worried about your sons results. So you've hired an unqualified, inexperienced student to tutor him?

Why haven't you hired a proper teacher? Ideally an examiner in this subject and exam board?

You can't possibly expect a student to understand how to teach a low ability child, possibly with some degree of special educational needs.

You have 6 months before the exam. Either invest in a couple of sessions a week with a qualified and experienced teacher who teaches the exact same exam board and course code, or stop wasting your money.

Teaching isn't something just anyone can do. And your son has very specific and series gaps in his knowledge and his skills (how to write essays). You need an expert.

You need to listen to the tutor. It's wonderful that your DS has a natural passion for history, but it's one thing to love reading about history and another to sit exams in the subject based on examination criteria. I did a level history some years ago now and remember the first essay I did at AS level got a C when I was all A's in GCSE, my first lesson in how much more is expected of you at A Level. It's a big leap. The tutor is correct.

It's a shame in a way as he's clearly interested.

Well get one of them to tutor your son in revision techniques then.

Agree entirely. Tutors help reinforce what’s being taught and hopefully inspire the child and help them feel more confident. They are not purely a revision tool!

I’d be mortified if my child were late for a lesson due to sleeping in — in fact, if I knew this’d even be a possibility, I’d be ensuring they were up and firing on all cylinders well before the lesson.

It’s hard to hear when someone identifies your own child possibly not doing as well as you’d hoped but I’d take his advice seriously and chat to your child about the options — both perhaps studying more and (if still fruitless) alternative subjects. The tutor will be seeing all kinds of children (probably more of the type who need support) so if he’s warning you it may be too much for your child, it won’t be unfounded.

But revision strategies aren't going to fill any gaps in knowledge, or help your DS learn to structure essays in the format that ensures he ticks the box for the examination criteria.

Revision strategies are really useful to ensure the knowledge already learned and understood is memorised and retained in the exam environment, not to give a student what they need in the subject matter of the history they are learning in the current curriculum.

@SoCloseToNothing1981 you're approaching your son's academic progress in the wrong way.

The first port of call needs to be his head of year & individual subject tutors. You must have a clear picture of how he's doing and where he needs to put in the effort. They will give appropriate guidance which you then follow.

A tutor should be used to complement this.

Your son isn't cut out for history a level, you need to accept that and just concentrate on getting him through his gcse.

However, if he's also underperforming in his other subjects then you may be wise to drop history before it gets to exams and focus on getting him a pass in his other subjects.

Time for cricket should definitely be off the table - it's beginning to sound as though he'll be lucky to scrape any gcses at all. You need to understand what his current grade predictions and then pull out all the stops to get him to pass at least the essential gcses.

That means discipline and consistency.

I agree that the tutor saying 'take it or leave it' could be rude, but quite frankly you not been listening to him - or anyone else here - telling you that you're barking up the wrong tree. The situation needs spelling out bluntly.

This should be a wake up call for both you and your son. He needs to be nose to grindstone from now on until the end of the academic year, which isn't long. Do exams still start in June? He's got no more than about 6 months.

It's absolutely doable but he really needs to pull his finger out and you need to stop relying on anecdotal advice from friends at the school and engage properly with his head of year, subjects leads and his tutor.

I think a university student could serve as a tutor for a bright child who needs to practice things - so to go over things in class to embed them or talk a language with the child to practice it. it sounds like ops son needs way more input than that. Op have you studied history to a high level yourself?

You are pretty infuriating. From your own words, everyone can see where the issues lie and yet you are oblivious.

OP, have you reflected on the poll % here? I know AIBU can be harsh but you are being told overwhelmingly that your expectations of the tutor are unreasonable.

You are fixated on the idea that your DS will be fine as long as someone can show him how to make some mindmaps.

If he doesn't have the basic knowledge and also doesn't have the focus or intention or time to dedicate to apply himself then he is not going to be able to push up his grade.

Why don't you work with him on revision techniques, note taking, visual mind maps etc and let the tutor focus on filling in the knowledge gaps and exam technique skills.

Op if this is real - can I suggest a big shift here that will help you.

Rather than blame anyone else - you need to start accepting that by this age your son is the one who is responsible. He is absolutely spinning you a line - not taking. notes because the teacher is crap?!

The reason he isn't taking notes is because he is not engaging in the lesson, taking notes and paying attention.

I have absolute sympathy for students who struggle to focus/ are lazy even - because that was me! I'm now an adult with a good job and have learnt how to be more focused - not everyone can be a great student at 16 - people mature at different rates.

BUt what is problematic here is that you are not being clear with your son about responsibility - it's on HIM to learn history - there is no point him knowing how to revise if he literally does not know the stuff he needs to revise in the first place.

the tutor is right - he needs the first level of understanding the knowledge - he has to actually be taught the subject and he hasn't been listening in school

It sounds like he has zero interest in the subject and is doing absolutely no work!!

history A level is a subject I'd imagine you need to be very interested in reading and writing essays, not a subject for the lazy student!

But he needs down time from not studying and sleeping in.

This jumped the shark so early and people are still giving genuine advice. Ffs.

It is good practice to assess!

Edited because oops misread your post

The tutor has given you a reality check and seems to have been candid and patient in their dealings with you. Your son needs a lot of hands on help to even get through GCSE history. A level success looks very unlikely at this point. I would take their advice or drop the whole tutoring approach and resign yourself to the very likely outcome. This blaming everyone else approach will get you nowhere. Tutoring can help but the commitment needs to be there from the student and oversleeping for a first session is really not on.

This has to be a wind up. How can the tutor teach him to revise if he has no notes?! Revision is going over what you've learnt. He's telling you he hasn't learnt most of it. I'm hoping for the tutors sake you don't take him up on his current offer!

So, you’re a receptionist. Have you even got A Levels @SoCloseToNothing1981 ?

YABU. You are lucky the tutor is prepared to slog on with an arrogant ignorant parent and a lazy pupil.

If it were me (and I have a PhD in history) I’d be sacking your son, just for your attitude. Your tutor is obviously dedicated and passionate about trying to help even the duffers succeed.

Honestly op. It's clear as day from the outside that history is not for your son. His teacher and 3 tutors have told you as much. Don't throw more money after this. 3 sessions will be very expensive for you and If your son is now only getting 2's and 3's in his mocks, he is never going to achieve a high enough grade to study at A Level even is the school allowed him to . He could do far better on another subject and it won't be like pushing water up a hill. I'm sure it will nearly be a relief to your son at this stage. It really does sound like he is totally lost in the class and that's honestly a horrible place to be. I

I think that's possibly because those of us who are teachers, tutors etc will have encountered parents in real life who are exactly like this. So it's hard to tell!l for certain!

It might be completely fabricated but I had two parents of children in my class last year who were very much like this.

I haven’t RTFT and I imagine others will have laid this out for you already @SoCloseToNothing1981, but in case not, these are the stages of passing exams, in chronological order:

1. Understand the material.
2. Develop the skills to analyse the material and write essays about it.
3. Remember the material (i.e. learn revision techniques).
4. Practice.

You are fixated on stages 3 and 4 (revising and essay practice) when it sounds like your son is still struggling with stages 1 and 2.
The tutor would be wasting his time teaching your son to make mind-map essay plans about the Cold War when he doesn’t know what/when the Cold War was, have the facts to actually fill in the mind map or the skills to write the essay.

I think you are paying this tutor good money to teach your son, so leave him alone to crack on and teach him.

@SoCloseToNothing1981 your child cannot revise if he doesn't know the stuff in the first place.

You hired (another) tutor as presumably the first two also didn't agree with you. But if you were actually expert on this, which being a school receptionist does not make you btw, you would be able to support ds yourself.

Year 11 mocks and being nowhere near a 5 is absolutely not a good foundation for going forward to a level and I very much doubt school or college would make an offer etc on that basis