AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

Completely off subject but I once had a conversation in a pub with a stranger about the Cold War. It took a while us before we realised one of us was actually talking about the Cod Wars from the 70s. We nodded along about errant trawlers and exclusion zones for about 15 minutes, quite embarrassing really but funny looking back 🤷🏼‍♀️

You need to accept that your child is not academic. He’s not likely to be going to university at all at this rate so it’s time to look at trades and alternative options and stop blaming these poor tutors for you son’s lack of ability. If he’s that attached to cricket then maybe he could be a cricket coach!

👋🏻🤣😊🐟🐠
Perhaps the boy is just very thick.

I don't think it is only History tbh. Most subjects are taught and, more importantly, examined in such a way that rote learning and copious preparation can help you ace the exam, rather than genuine understanding or insight.

Part of the problem is the need to make things objective and "fair." And that is important, but it does become a bit "tail wags dog" when the syllabus has to become so stiffly regulated that the "model answer" is fairly predictable from application of a marking formula.

Then parents get very swayed by which schools got better results and think they are turning out better educated students - when really what has been assessed and rewarded is how drummed into them the syllabus was. There's a need for some of that - for consistency and predictability up to a point. But it's sad when it comes at the expense of a broader academic exposure and training.

You got a tutor and disagree with them on everything. You're not doing your son any favours with your level of interference

I wouldn't rush to give up cricket if he enjoys it and is good at it. Physical exercise is also important when studying. Perhaps there is the option of doing one night rather than two? It would still allow time for 3 hours of history in a week, if that is the chosen decision, if you are organised about it.

I would want to talk to school about all his subjects. I'd be focussing on maths and English, but if he's better at sciences, there are lots of jobs wanting a STEM background. It would be better to focus on getting 5 or 6 good GCSEs than doing a mediocre job across the board on 8 or 9 subjects and still not getting a great result in history. That will probably be a better investment than tutoring in a subject he can't do well. Speak to him, too - it is his future, after all. What is he really interested in?

It's not a disaster. There's 6 months until it's the exams. Do what is actually best for him and his strengths in the time available, not what you think is ideal.

You have to be having a laugh now. I have a friend who is a surgeon so following your train of thought I must know how hospitals and operating theatres work.
You say your son got 2s and 3s in all his mocks and you didnt know! How did you not know this?
Not every child is cut out for academics, there is such a huge choice of ways to continue education, Alevels are not the only way

With what you've said about your son he isn't interested in school and learning. I feel for the tutor you are the nightmare parent that tutors and teachers talk about!

It sounds like you want & need a study skills tutor, as well as a history tutor. They are very different.

And I believe there is lots of software available that can help with mind-mapping.

I take the point about the importance of argument/understanding of source quality/historiography over rote learning.

But - at its core, the historical method is solving historical problems/making a case based on evidence. Being able to deploy plenty of evidence accurately, critically and freely in controlled conditions helps demonstrate excellence.

Just come back to add that I think a lot of government messaging in the media around ‘catch up’ following Covid was quite misleading and, with a huge focus on and funding put into tutoring, created a false idea about what tutoring is for and can actually achieve. (As an aside it was often impossible to actually recruit qualified tutors in some areas of the country).

I wonder if this is where some of the OP’s misconceptions about the purpose and limitations of tutoring have come from.

On the assumption that this is genuine…

Both of my DC are dyslexic so we agreed that history was a non-starter because of the volume of written work. Both did geography instead because it allowed for shorter more focused answers. DS2 also dropped his foreign language GCSE to focus on English as 8 GCSEs at good grades are better than 9 where 2 would be lower grades.

Your DS’s lack of note taking and disorganisation makes me wonder if he has SEN/Spld.

DS1 tutors STEM (he has a BSc and MSc) and would always do a baseline test and teach to the exam spec.

DS2 had serious health problems during his A levels and did have tutors to help him catch up on missed work. They were filling gaps in his knowledge and I expected him to revise as well. He was good at the subjects with high GCSE grades but A level is much harder. He is now in Uni but it took a heck of a lot of effort to catch up the missed work even on subjects he was strong in.

Don’t set your DS up to fail. Is sending a lot of time catching up with history the right thing for him or should he be focusing on other subjects. Does the school see any evidence of SEN? How is his reading and writing and processing?

In my DC’s school the minimum grade for progressing to A level was a 6 and for some subjects a 7 or above was strongly preferred.

So do you accept that your son has huge knowledge gaps that no revision technique will fill? Because if you don’t know something you can’t revise it!

Next, his results are very very poor. Why didn’t you know how bad they were?

Third, he has offered you three hours. If you think his downtime or cricket is more important than doing well in a subject he wants to do for his A levels, then that is not your tutor’s problem. He cannot work miracles.

Finally, what grades did your son get in the rest of his mocks? Given his and your attitude to education I would be amazed if this was a history only problem…

Yabu.

he’s on his 3rd tutor…. That’s an indication that he needs more than tutoring can offer.

he has severe knowledge gaps, no notes, can’t structure his essays and has issues with sources. That all comes together as someone with big, big issues.

he cannot do it for A level. You and he need to accept that and stop all the flapping. Maybe the tutoring will help him get a better mark at gcse so it’s not a waste, but move on from the a level idea.

tutor sounds absolutely fine but probably frustrated. As do several other posters, so maybe reflect on how defensive you sound and how you aren’t holding DS accountable.

"I did message the tutor that we were going to be late if he wanted to grab himself a coffee or something."

That's so rude. You are wasting the tutor's time. Why should he wait around whilst you can't be arsed turning up on time? I'm sure your son is not his only tutee. Why should your lack of planning impact on other student's lesson time?

I've had to reread your post again and again tbh. You are the problem, and your son. It baffles me how rude and entitled people are towards tutors, most of whom are qualified teachers. Stop telling him how to do his job, get your child there on time and listen to what he's telling you, which politely is that your son is wasting your money.

OK. I hold my hands up. Just reread ALL of this thread. Your tutor is a uni student? SO basically not even a qualified teacher?

Stop expecting some kid who is not qualified in the slightest to take your child through A level. Although in fairness i agree with everything you say he's said!

Pay properly - get a proper teacher. You're looking at about £60+ per hour depending where you are.

Claiming to work in education as a school receptionist is like claiming to work in the film industry as DVD repair man.

OP, you son is getting Ds and Es in his mocks. Nothing is going to get him up to a standard to take History A-level, not even God Almighty.

This is actually really rude. University students often tutor and are usually well qualified to do so. They also have up-to-date knowledge of the curriculum.

The tutor isn't wrong, I feel like the jump from GCSE to A level is bigger than the jump from A Level to University level.
If he hasn't taken any notes at all, he clearly isn't very committed to learning the subject. You either need to cut cricket and focus on History or admit that history just isn't his subject and he can do his best but probably won't get a very good GCSE out of it.

If he is struggling this much now with it at GCSE, it will be impossible to continue as an A Level.

If he was professional potential in cricket he would be playing in county development teams. I think the OP would have mentioned this.

I actually agree with not stopping the cricket, this is very much flogging a dead horse with history and will just make the son miserable for little (or no) gain.

Looking at careers in sports could be a good shout if he is interested. BTEC extended diplomats worth 3 Alevels. https://www.psc.ac.uk/study/course/extdiplomasport#

Or cricket could be a hobby and not a career path at all.

🙄

Your son has a tutor to get a pass from gcse history. Not a tutor to get from an 8 to a 9. He will struggle with A-Level. He really should not opt to do the A-Level.

and you should be taking him to college open days and he should be making discussions with his careers advisor about what he wants to do next. You are not the one who decides what subjects he should do.

It sounds to me as though the tutor has gone above and beyond here yet you still don't value them at all.
Everything you've said about the tutor suggests they know exactly what they're doing and is giving you and your son good advice. You just don't want to listen. You're even telling them how to do their job when you clearly do not know better.
Your friends suggestion is a good revision technique but you can only ask students to do that when they have the base knowledge already. How can your son make connections between 2 or more ideas if he doesn't have any knowledge of them? You are jumping 10 steps ahead. The tutor is much more in the right place.
Your son has clearly made no effort at school - no notes, doesn't even know what topic he's studying. And you and your DH make no real effort to make sure he does. Letting him get up late, not having his laptop charged, ringing from on holiday because you couldn't arrange to be available at the right time. None of this shows any of you value the education.
If I was the tutor, I'd have told you I wasn't prepared to do it any longer. They clearly have the patience of a saint or need the money (maybe both). I notice you've already lost 2 tutors already. I'd seriously get your act together or you're going to lose a 3rd.

This thread can't be anything but a wind up

I'm a teacher. There was zero point in the tutor teaching him revision if he doesn't even have the knowledge to recall. He didn't even know what topic he was covering in class, has taken no notes all year and is getting 2s and 3s in mocks. He sounds neither interested or capable subject.

Can everyone stop saying this has to be a wind up. Either accept this a parent who is struggling to reconcile her expectations/ hope for her son and the reality or just leave the thread alone.

Commenting doesn’t help. If it is real you are just upsetting someone who is already upset

Press report if you are concerned.

Oh dear. OP, you need to rewind a bit. I get that originally wanted the tutor to help plan and support revision but he's quickly ascertained that the first and most significant issue to be tackled is the huge knowledge gaps in the actual subject. Revision is going over what you've already learned. But big gaps of learning are missing and he can't "revise" what isn't there!

You need to listen to the tutor. If you're adamant son won't change subject you need to commit to the three hours a week to catch up on filling the knowledge gaps. If your son puts in the effort there will hopefully still be time to get up to speed and then work on revision methods but he's got to do the groundwork first.