AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

I think you have to listen to the tutor here OP. This is his area of expertise and he's telling you what the issue is. You can get defensive and say that the problem is the tutor not teaching the way you want him to, or you can listen to the advice being offered by someone who knows what they're talking about.

Realistically it doesn't sound like your son would cope with A-level history. It's not really about being able to make flash cards at this stage - there are clearly fundamental and quite broad gaps in his ability to grasp the basics. If he can't even broadly identify what the Cold War is, he's not going to cope with A Level history. It also sounds like your son isn't that motivated here - he's not making notes in lessons, he's wasting his tutor's time by sleeping in and being late, so how much does he really want to succeed in this?

Part of parenting is being realistic about our kids' prospects. If your son is set on doing history that's his choice but to be fair to him you need to let him know that his tutor thinks he is going to find it very hard, and is your son actually willing to put in the very considerable work needed here?

My DD has a maths tutor. They do a baseline assessment, perfectly normal.

How is it a shock to you the tutor said to reconsider A-Level when you repeatedly refer to your DS as not being very good at history and struggling?

Revision assumes underlying knowledge. You seem to be completely missing this.

Your DS makes no notes in class. He is late for tutor, gets the wrong period of history has poor essay writing skills and no memory for dates.

You should listen to the tutor, but tutoring is also about chemistry. If you don’t like them find another.

Methinks the same thing will happen though.

I think the tutor is being reasonable tbh, in fact he’s being honest even when it means he may lose money. It doesn’t really sound like History is the best option for your son, and he might have a miserable time studying it.

If you aren't happy with tutor find another. It's a service you pay but tbh it sounds like your child really needs to step up if he wants to do an A-level.

I'm struggling to believe this post is real. The tutor sounds good and you as a parent OP sound in complete denial.

A tutor is not about teaching a child to revise! A tutor supplements the learning your child does at school, reads their essays and helps them to understand what they're doing right or wrong.

It was extremely rude for your child to be late to a session!

If he's making fundamental mistakes like mixing up the Cold War with something else (I'm baffled by that) then he clearly isn't listening at school and the tutor has picked up on that. A-level history is a lot of writing and analysis of historical information and much harder than GCSE.

You won't be doing your son any favours by encouraging him to take a subject that both his teacher and a tutor have told you he won't do well in! I think you ABVU to think the tutor is overstepping - he's trying to help by telling you your child is not going to cope with history A-Level.....

You are being massively unreasonable. "I don't think this is what a tutor should be doing" is a ridiculous attitude. The tutor is the expert here, he knows what's required. Your son doesn't know the basics, he doesn't take notes or remember what they actually did during the week. There's no point in teaching your son how to structure an essay when he doesn't even know what he's supposed to be writing about. The tutor could teach him how to write a brilliant answer on the second world war, but if he's supposed to have written about the first world war, he won't get a single mark!

You need to listen to the experts here and not think you know better. You're doing your son no favours at all.

And if you want a tutor to teach your child to revise then find someone that specialises in that. A history tutor will be specialising in helping your child learn history - ie identifying knowledge gaps and helping fill them.

Baseline tests are commonly used by tutors to gauge what the pupil needs.

I wouldn't dismiss the thoughts of the tutor as attitude. School have previously said he'd be better suited to geography and not history

Is this a reverse? It must be, or all made up 😂 can't honestly believe you think you're the reasonable one after what I just read.

the tutor needs to sack you off as a customer. You clearly don't listen to experts and want to do your own thing (at the expense of your DS).
The teacher and the tutor have both told you history is not for your DS. Why are you insisting he does it?

It is a huge bloody thing to mistake the Cold War for something else if you want to take history

A tutor is there to fill in the gaps, not teach your DS the whole scheme of work for History. Ultimately, your DS isn't going to be able to revise content that he doesn't have general understanding of. The best way forward is to speak to the school, who will be best placed to advise on how to proceed for next year.

I see all your points and I'm not going to deny that there is an issue regarding his knowledge. I think I was just not expecting the tone the tutor spoke to me in.

The first lesson where DS was late, it was mainly down to the fact that we couldn't find the laptop charger (and DS sleeping in meant we had minimised time to find said charger). I did message the tutor that we were going to be late if he wanted to grab himself a coffee or something. DS did toy with the idea of skipping the lesson altogether, but I said "no, we will still be charged" so he logged on and the tutor let out a sigh and said "right, let's get started". Just found it a bit unnecessary.

So one teacher told you that he was better off not taking it for GCSE and then a couple of years later another teacher/ tutor tells you that he wouldn’t recommend taking it for an A Level? And you’ve chosen to ignore both because “your son likes it”.
It is not a tutors job to teach your son to revise; you can do that or he could look at the millions of sources online. If there are gaps in knowledge I would absolutely focus on that at this point.
YABVU.

He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations

This, I think, is the crux of it; because these are the essential skills of history, and your tutor is saying your son can't do them. No amount of mind maps or skeleton diagrams will help if he fundamentally can't analyse, interpret, and write essays. A mind map might help him remember dates, but that won't get him anywhere without these skills. And the tutor is saying he can support your son with these skills, but it's going to be an uphill battle which is starting very late in the day for someone wanting to do A level.

The question is, is your son willing to undergo that uphill battle? It doesn't sound like it from your post, but it's the conversation you need to have with him.

your attitude is also problematic, OP.

I do tutoring and if i encountered a parent like you i would say "nope, not with me"
You need to make sure your son is on time, not oversleeping, and you need to wind your neck in telling a tutor how to do their job (teach mindmaps, quizzes and flashcards?)

You and your son need to accept that for him history is only ever going to be a hobby.

You really are not doing your son any favours with your attitude. What happens when he fails in a couple of years, and then sleeps in for a job interview, etc.

You are wasting your money 100% sorry.

The "attitude" seems to be coming from your son and yourself, quite frankly.

I'd be sighing if - the very first tuition session - the student was late because he'd slept in.

How can he revise history if he doesn’t have a clue what he is doing in lessons in the first place

The tutor was trying to help you both by explaining A level isn’t suitable. He’s also right that filling knowledge gaps is really important! There are loads of videos on websites like BBC Bitesize on how to mind map or make flash cards.

Do you know which topics he is doing and for which exam board? I would contact the teacher if you’re not sure. This will help you all to focus the revision.

https://senecalearning.com/en-GB/blog/gcse-history-revision-guide/ Good website for basic revision.

Getting the tutor to fill gaps and practise technique are probably the most helpful things.

also i'd have an issue tutoring someone who doesn't take notes in lessons because (in the child's opinion) the teacher isn't very good.

If you wanted a tutor to teach him revision skills then you needed to look for a tutor for study skills or similar.

They do exist my DS had one at a similar age.

however in all honesty if your DS has not been taking notes and struggles with dates and doesn’t even know what time period he is studying (!!) you have a much bigger problem.

some tutors will take your money and let your kid fail, this tutor is being honest and telling you now your kid is not suited to it.

It doesn’t sound like the tutor is the problem.

From what you’ve written OP, I think you are an enabler of your DS. You are working yourself up trying to sort things for him, when he’s not doing the basics himself.

If it were me, I would insist he makes notes in class. This is really 101 stuff at GSCE. What’s he like in other subjects?