AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

Hey @SoCloseToNothing1981 I am a tutor (not history, not touting for business!) and tbh I would not be overly keen on spending hour after hour teaching a student how to revise. Firstly, they should be covering that sort of thing in school as it is a cross-subject skill; and secondly it’s something to spend a short time on – giving ideas and discussing the best ways – but not IMHO a good use of an hour’s tutor session. As PPs say, it really isn’t the time to be discussing “flash cards or mindmaps?” when he doesn’t even know what the Cold War was.

Did you tell the tutor upfront the main purpose was to teach your DS how to revise? Not sure I would take that gig tbf.

It’s really annoying btw if you are all set up on a Zoom call and the student is late.

Also if your DS has gaps in his history knowledge – which by his own admission he has, in terms of notes and by the sound of it, some fairly basic details on topics – well that is much more the thing for the tutor to address. If a tutor is backing up in-school lessons (rather than teaching the GCSE themselves, say to a HE student) then they need to find out what the student knows (hence the initial assessment) and then work on any gaps. Without the basic knowledge of the topic it’s going to be a struggle.

Finally, after two months of tutoring, the tutor should have a pretty good idea of what your DS is capable of – so how much of the issues are relating to poor teaching and how much to his own lack of skill, application, ability, basic knowledge. Sounds as tho he has given you an honest assessment that history A level might not be the best way forward. I have taught GCSE to students who would IMHO struggle with the A level and if I thought that was their plan, I might well chat through with the parent why it wasn’t the best idea. He is trying to help and give you the benefit of his knowledge and experience. I would listen if I were you.

If he loves history there are plenty of ways to pursue that passion without taking A level – visit museums, visit historic sites in UK or elsewhere, read up on it – that can take you in any direction, and might be a lot more enjoyable.

The tutor sounds excellent. The first thing any good teacher finds out is what a pupil knows, so they can identify areas of need. That’s exactly what your tutor was trying to do.

You'd think that this was so bloody obvious, but refusing to admit just that is a sure path to the car crash that's following 😂

DH is trying to be supportive but I think he's a bit out of his depth. He keeps saying things like "just let the tutor do his job" but I don't think he really understands my concerns. He is the type of guy who just nods his head or goes "oh right!" when you're telling him about a situation. I try to keep DH in the loop, but at the end of the day I feel like it's my job to make sure this whole tutoring thing works out well.

DH has spoken to the tutor once. We were in South Africa for October half term and I couldn't get a signal on my phone but he could, so he contacted the tutor to ask if it was possible for him to push the lesson back an hour because we had mistimed when we would be able to get back to the hotel.

You are lucky the tutor hasn't fired you as clients tbh, you have no respect for his time by messing around and being late for lessons. You are really rude.

Your DH seems to understand the situation far better than you do. As everyone has said, “let the tutor do his job”. Or stop using his services and do it yourself (as you clearly know better).

he contacted the tutor to ask if it was possible for him to push the lesson back an hour because we had mistimed when we would be able to get back to the hotel

Okay.
Wind up - has to be.

I got a grade A for my History GCSE way back in 1988. I got a D for A-level. Everyone else in my class failed. I'd been predicted to get an A or B at A-level. It's HARD. It didn't help that I didn't revise but if he's struggling with the GCSE there's no way he should even consider A-level.

Honestly op you have got to be kidding. Being able to recall dates or in fact what area of history are basic skills to take history. The tutor did an assessment to identify what support was needed - they cannot simply tell your child how to revise if they don't have the subject knowledge.
Also you are trying to make the tutor seem in the wrong by saying they sighed when your son slept in and couldnt find a charger. No wonder they sighed they will have spent time preparing for the session and it sounds like basic organisation is an issue

I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

@SoCloseToNothing1981 There is no way he would make a career out of this when he doesn’t even have sufficient interest or discipline to make notes during his lessons. Certainly not if he’s expected to get a 5 for History. He needs to find something he’s actually good at to have a viable career path. You’re enabling his lackadaisical attitude by making excuses for him and blaming the tutors.

You are entirely unreasonable.
Laptop should have been charged the night before if this is so important to you and your son that you are willing to pay a tutor.
Learning how to revise isnt something you need to pay a specialist history tutor for. You can look this up yourself on the internet and help your son. Plus revision methods are unique to a person. What works for one person does not work for another. You have to work this out yourself. There are apps, flashcards, writing it down repeatedly, watching videos, making wall charts, a hundred different ways to try and remember facts and dates.
Your son sounds like he actually has very little interest in history as an academic subject and is also not well suited to the subject. Or he would be really engaged in class, surely.
What subjects is he doing well in? I would focus on getting the best grades in the ones is is really engaging in the lessons at school and is good at. Maybe look at career choices that play to his skills with him. It sounds like the history dream is not really working out.
Maybe he will come back to it in later life as a career choice or maintain it as a hobby interest which many people do.

Sounds to me OP as though you don’t want a history tutor; you want someone to teach your DS some learning/revision strategies (as you’ve repeatedly mentioned here). The two are completely different things, though.

Leave your child's education to your husband. Check out.

Change the tutor and explain to the new tutor what you want to be taught - i.e. methodology of learning history plus the subject. Increase the hours, ask the teacher to use a textbook, a proper history textbook. For goodness sake, this is not preparation for a Field's Medal entry.

Sounds like the tutor gave you and your DS a wake up call and you didn’t like it.

You son can do history, in his spare time as a hobby.

The great thing about history is that one can come back to it at any age and study any aspect at any level. One doesn't need lab facilities or equipment (other than a laptop and internet connection). And it's a subject that that one can get more out of with a bit of maturity and life experience.

Pretty speechless after what I have just read?!?

OP, I mean this very kindly but your son isn’t A level calibre. Time to do some serious parenting to find him a more suitable path where he can succeed. The tutor business is a red herring - the real problem is that you need to find a suitable 16-18 course. He won’t be able to self manage enough for advanced level - the stuff about sleeping in/charger/Cold War are all red flags. It’s time to apply now for the more popular courses so have a really honest talk with him this weekend and do some searching online for a much more supportive course.

Does anyone in your family actually understand what’s involved in academic work? It doesn’t sound like it.

I don’t think DS is anything like as interested in mastering history as a subject as you think he is.

According to the tutor DS has problems with subject knowledge as well as essay-writing, source analysis and interpretation. Realistically - that’s all of it.
There isn’t any part of history DS doesn’t struggle with.

Honestly, I would cut your losses, focus on history documentaries on TV, visiting historical sites, joining local history groups, DS might get more out of this.

I do have to say, I have a degree in history, and they don't emphasize exact dates anymore, and haven't for 20yrs. General time period is fine, because everything precise can easily be accessed thanks to the internet. (That's what my professors told me at least.) We were never tested on exact dates. Know what happened, and the time frame, and context where much more important.
That said, this kid is NOT meant for a degree in history. I question is place in higher learning entirely, if he can't even take NOTES in class, or comprehend the time periods they were talking about, to do further research.

Tutor sounds really good. Listen to him. if he is attempting to cover subject content with your son this is also revision of that content. As others have said - mindmaps and quizlets and all that, you could find someone to cover those skills for you?
might be be interested in Politics? Sociology? These are related subjects that may be a better fit than further studies in History.

3 tutors in and you still don't get it. You're the problem.

Honestly. A tutor teaches the subject not how to revise. If your child can learn other subjects and revise those, then apply that principle to history. If he doesn't know what the cold war is, then he's fucked. You can't be bothered to get your child up in time to attend the bloody lesson. You can be as upset as you want about the direct responses, but they're all right.

Oh OP you jumped the shark! Shame I was quite enjoying this one!

This is crazy, there is no point teaching revision techniques if your son doesn't have the knowledge and understanding of the content.

Why do parents think they know better than the professional that teach and know what is required to pass?

OK loads more posts while I was drafting mine!

Inc many from the OP – so to add my thoughts – I cannot believe you sent a tutor a mind map @SoCloseToNothing1981! Of course he knows what one is.

And your English teacher friend mind-mapping AIC with her class – yes, bc they knew what the themes were. Sounds as tho your son does not know the themes and content so how would he make a mind map anyway?

Wow. If you need a study skills tutor then look for one. But I advise you to step back and let them do their job.

I agree with others tbh – a 6 in English, a possible 5 in history maybe, good at science when interested and OK at maths – not sure A levels are for him. Economics and Phil and Ethics both require excellent skills in fact learning and essay writing – not apparently his strengths, sorry OP.