AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

Right - if you want to help him this is what you do. Find out what exam board he’s doing and then which units his schools is doing. Get on Amazon and get the revision guide for the units he’s doing. The school should be able to suggest the best guide for his paper.
Go through all of the activities and do the practice questions. I can’t stress enough how important the practice questions are.
If he struggles to understand any of the content use bite size to help. When he comes to the end of each topic make flash cards. On one side of the flash card write the big theme eg Battle of the Somme. On the reverse write down key bullet points of info. Once he has this knowledge secure get him to write about the topic in extended paragraphs.
Thats my advice.

Okay so let’s say you’ve just appointed me to tutor your son. In the first session I say “let’s mind map what you’ve been learning in class this week, and then use that to form an essay on the topic”.

Your son can’t even write the title of the topic in the middle of the mind map, as he thought it was the Cold War but it’s actually something different (?!). Then what is he going to put into the mind map if he doesn’t have any notes from class. Where is the structure of this essay coming from?

Ignoring all of the tutors expertise here, it sounds like you want your son to do a mind map (or flash card or other relevant revision tool) and then for the tutor to critique it and help him do those things better - but your son fundamentally can’t even start the mind map as he doesn’t have any knowledge.

Vocab flashcards, writing out verb endings, reciting the different declensions and reading basic texts are a great way to revise Latin. Are you now equipped to revise your way to a Latin GCSE in a year? Or do you think you might need some more initial knowledge to be able to get there?

tbh we have been thinking about this a lot. DS really wants to do history, but if worse comes to worse then we have got some backup options available. For example, he's quite keen on Economics or Philosophy & Ethics (so I'd appreciate opinions on this)

I am amazed the tutor didn't run a mile from you! That tutor is a saint to prioritise your child, despite you being involved.

I know they're paid for that, but tutors are in high demand, they have more clients than they can take...

The best you can do is butt out. Either you trust the person you employ, or employ someone else, but you don't know better and your points are completely ridiculous.

Why are you so focused on revision techniques when it’s clear he has huge gaps in his knowledge?

He can’t revise what he doesn’t know! Honestly OP I think you’re at risk of this tutor ending the agreement, sending him examples of techniques is madness.

If your son is struggling with GCSE History, he is not going to be able to cope with A Level history. YOU need to be realistic here and accept what everyone is telling you.

🤣🤣🤣

Friends tend to support and agree with what you think/ want to do, and they will add whatever they think will be helpful to that. But ultimately friends support.

I would suggest that the feedback you get from an anonymous online forum is more free and impartial. You may not like what posters are saying but they are giving their honest opinions.

Key question for you OP.

Do you want someone to tutor your DS in History? Or do you want someone to tutor them in study skills.

You keep saying history, but then everything you’re saying you’re disappointed in the tutor with is study skills rather than subject specific.

Most tutors tutor the subject, with the aim of filling knowledge and subject technique gaps. That’s what this person is trying to do. You sound like you want your child to be taught revision skills. In which case you may have the wrong tutor.

It would also be totally remiss of a tutor to allow a parent or child to continue under an illusion that Theyre likely to get good results or succeed at A level if all the signs is that they won’t.

You’re kidding, surely? You sent the tutor a mind map to show him what to do? I’d cut you and your son free.

People are thinking it's a wind up as each detail you add makes this seem more and more unreasonable!

Your Yr 11 son should at the very least realise that he needs to take notes (regardless of his opinions of his teacher), particularly if he isn't able to even retain something as basic as the actual topic he's learning!

The tutor will be well aware of how mind maps work so sending him an example is incredibly condescending and rude.

Ultimately, you can't revise what you don't know, taking in new information is just learning. The tutor AND his teacher have both said that history at a-level isn't for him, they aren't telling you how to parent, they are being realistic with the knowledge they have of your son and what will be expected of him.

JFC OP, you are the problem, not the tutor. If you know so much about how to revise, why don’t you teach DS yourself?
Also being late because he slept in and couldn’t find a charger, that is ridiculous. He really needs to get it together. Most people in generations past were working full time jobs at this age.
You are really not doing DS any favours by refusing to accept what the tutor is saying.

Wow.... I've only read the OP but I can't believe what I just read!!

You’re in for a treat when you read the rest of the OP’s updates then!

Has anyone told you that you can't be present when the kid take the actual exam?

You are so ridiculously over-invested and suffocating, that seems to have slipped your mind.

I am all for supporting (and even pushing!) kids to study and do well - and getting a tutor is a very good idea, but there's a limit on how involved you need to be and how irrelevant your opinion are.

You don't even KNOW how to help him study, why do you think you can criticise and tell the tutor what to do, when they're trying to do just what they are paid for?

The tutor sounds right, the subject doesn't suit your child.

You could make topic mind maps with your child yourself if you feel they will help and then try to get him to write an essay.

Why waste money paying a tutor when you feel it is not helping him. Paying a tutor won't put the knowledge in your son's head and the tutor is being honest when they tell you it's not working. The other tutors clearly couldn't help him either.

Hard to accept but you need to see that he doesn't have the ability and the tutors have tried to tell you. I'd imagine the tutor is getting frustrated as you're not listening to them.

good grief, poor kid, can you imagine the OP teaching him herself (or himself?)
That's a sure way to give up on school for the next 20 years 😂

Education is beyond important, couldn't agree more, but there's a limit even for pushy parents.

Worse comes to worse? Tbh expect it. Yoy have had a fair warning.

If he does well in Economics or Philosophy and Ethics why not go with that instead of a subject he isn't good at and doesn't improve with tutoring?

You son can do history, in his spare time as a hobby. What is apparent is he doesn’t have is the academic ability to successfully succeed at A level.

What you are assessing as unprofessional conduct by the tutor is actual utmost professionalism. He is giving you an honest assessment.

He is also being clear with you on what the boundaries are for tutoring. Just because you thought it was something else, it would be better for you to adjust your thinking on this, rather than continue with your misplaced upset.

People are getting annoyed with you as you are just not listening!!!!! Stop focusing on revising, he doesn’t even know what he’s doing when he doesn’t know what the Cold War was. What does his Dad say about all this?

"Revision" means to remind oneself of things you once knew or could do, but have forgotten. But it sounds as if there are a lot of things your son never knew in the first place, so he can’t "revise" them.

The tutor sounds excellent. The first thing any good teacher finds out is what a pupil knows, so they can identify areas of need. That’s exactly what your tutor was trying to do.

I think you woukd be foolish not to take his advice.

I really don't think you understand what a tutor does...

They can't teach him how to revise a subject until he has some knowledge to revise - as he evidently doesn't listen in class or take notes, he has little to nothing to revise.

If you know so much about revision methods, you teach him those things and then he can apply that to what the tutor teaches him.

Or hire a revision coach/tutor who will help him learn how to effectively revise all subjects.

Assessments are normal - again, how do you teach someone if you don't know what the starting point is, or where the holes in their knowledge are?!

I think you're lucky this tutor hasn't sacked you off - if you were to turn up half an hour late to an online appointment with me you'd lose the entire appointment (I wait 15 minutes then I get on with something else) and if you did it again, I would fire you as clients.

Well I think you jumped the shark with the 3 tutors post, but in case this is real I will give my experience. Now this was nearly 30 years ago so things may have changed but I got an A in GCSE History, it was one of my favourite subjects and so I chose it for A' Level as well.

A'Level History was 2 years of misery for me, it was like a different subject and I barely scraped a D. I managed to get an A in English so I had decent writing skills, but I just couldn't get on with it at all.

I don't think you're doing your son any favours by making excuses for his laziness, or criticising a tutor who is giving an expert opinion. You need to listen to what he is telling you.

You don’t seem to understand what a baseline assessment is or what the purpose of a baseline assessment is for a start.

How can your DS revise something if he hasn’t yet retained the knowledge to revise from in the first place?

The tutor sounds completely reasonable. He’s assessed the student, identified clear gaps, and, quite responsibly, warned that A-level History demands a strong foundation in exactly those skills (essay structure, argumentation, use of sources). That’s part of his duty, not overstepping.

You seem frustrated that the tutor is focusing on content rather than how to revise- but revision strategy only works if there’s solid knowledge to revise from!

You clearly see tutoring as a sort of “study skills service” rather than subject tutoring.

That’s without even getting into your son sleeping in, not taking any notes in class or even knowing what topic they were covering that week…

@SoCloseToNothing1981 as kindly as possible, if the lad's expected to get a 6 for English, he honestly doesn't sound like a strong candidate for essay heavy subjects.

Might he be better off doing something more practical and vocational.

I'm a secondary school teacher.

Your son can't create a mind map of his knowledge if he has no knowledge.

The tutor could teach your son as many revision techniques as you like, but if your son doesn't know anything, then what is he going to use those revision techniques to revise?

You're putting the cart before the horse here.

Frankly, you're exactly the kind of parent who causes teachers enormous headaches. You think you know better than us and yet you have zero qualifications and experience in teaching. This lack of understanding of how teaching works is very evident from your posts, I'm afraid.

Your son's teacher has said your son is not suited to History. The tutor has said the same. You need to start listening.

Many students tell us that they really love something and want to do well at it, but what they really mean is they love the idea of something and the idea of doing well at it. They're not actually prepared to do any work to get there.

Your son is one of these students.

He doesn't love history - if he did, he'd know what the Cold War was.

He doesn't want to do well at History - if he did, he'd have bloody well got up on time for the tutor. He'd be making notes in class. He'd be reading up on the periods of history he's studying outside of class.

You are looking everywhere but at your son here for the source of the problem.

I'd suggest you stop wasting money on a tutor and just accept that your son is not going to be doing A Level History.