To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

[OneAmusedShark]

Best friend came round for lunch today with her (just) 4 year old who my DD and DS absolutely adore.

She’s not toilet trained (nursery age, not yet at school so not judging).

To cut a long story short, she squatted down and started to take a dump in her nappy in our lounge.

It was obvious what was happening as she stunk the place out, and was grunting,
red in the face etc, and my friend asked her “have you finished” on more than one occasion.

Afterwards, my friend took her out to the bathroom to change her.

I didn’t say anything but surely the polite thing to do would have been to
remove the child as soon as it was obvious what was happening? (or even ask her
to take herself to the bathroom if she knows she’s going to fill her nappy!)

The room still stinks! 🤮

She was wearing a nappy and she changed her immediately. I wouldn’t necessarily expect her to take her child out of the room to do the poo, just to change her afterwards!

Grim in the extreme and piss poor parenting and yes a 4 year old should be potty trained assuming there is no sen. I would be completely shocked and I don’t know anyone who would think that was acceptable but I’m sure you will get loads of replies saying it is .. parenting standards seem to have sunk to an all time low

So she watch her 4yo poo and made no attempt to get her to a toilet. Lazy parenting. My dtds started school 3 days after turning 4. Just because she’s not in school, that’s not okay. I’d judge her.

That’s quite surprising. My nephew is nearly 4 and still in nappies and he’s really embarrassed about it (but he’s funny with change and can’t quite bring himself to go in the potty/toilet - he’s getting there). He’d never do that in front of other people he takes himself away and hides 💔

Word for word this.

Unless there's SEN how on earth is it acceptable to have your kid shitting in a nappy aged four in the middle of someone else's living room?

Shes never going to be potty trained at this rate.

4, no SEN? YANBU at all.

Child clearly aware they need to poo- she should have said 'oh you're having a poo, off to the bathroom' or similar.

Is your friend an otherwise normal functioning person? I can't imagine anyone doing this with a 4 year old.

I think these things are hard to judge. Unless she's shared all her child's medical history with you etc. you don't know if she's suffering from constipation or something else which might 1) impact toilet training and 2) mean that you'd never interrupt a poo when it's actually happening.

Not many parents are happily choosing to change nappies indefinitely so the fact that she's not toilet trained makes me wonder if there is something medical going on which her mum understandably isn't sharing widely.

So yes while it's not nice I would err on the side of interpreting generously and light a candle to burn off any lingering odour.

Is there a reason she hasn't started toilet training her yet?

I imagine your friend was embarrassed? Not very nice of her to let it happen, but maybe this doesn't usually happen out and about so she just froze?

Bit OTT to say you can't air your lounge. If you can really still smell it, perhaps there was a leak on the carpet?

This is the sort of thing that seems completely disgusting when you don’t have a small child, but that mothers of small children become temporarily completely desensitised to.

If the child is over three, then I agree she should have been taken out of the room and to the toilet as part of the toilet training process.

It feels good to admit that I’m not the sort of friend that would judge without being in a position myself. What is the difference between a two year-old doing this and a four-year-old? Yes, okay maybe she should be potty trained but I don’t know the woman or why her daughter is not potty trained yet. Poo is going to smell regardless of age

We’re not talking about a 10-year-old here

Sorry, I always try not to judge, but this is really piss poor, bone idle parenting. Unless there’s a valid reason, a four year old should be toilet trained.

I’ve literally never discussed the child’s
bowels habits with my friend (who
is otherwise perfectly normally functioning) and I haven’t said anything about this.

No SEN. Wouldn’t have even guessed

Candle is a good call!

Glad to know it’s not just me being prissy.

open your window and the smell will go so no big drama on that. Yes she should have taken her out of the room, she must have been embarrassed. Unless any SEN she definitely needs to toilet trained, very late.

Yes, maybe she should be potty trained by now but what is the difference between a two-year-old doing this in a four-year-old?

Both their poo smell, regardless of age

Doesn’t sound like she was embarrassed.

I think what’s happened is that your friend does this at home and therefore doesn’t see it as you do. We get used to our own ways. It’s not great but it could definitely be worse. At least she had a nappy on.
toilet training is a funny one. Some parents and children really struggle and for others it’s an easier transition.
you’ll have to light a candle and say a prayer

My 3 year old was so easy to potty train when it came to wees but for poos she just absolutely refused the toilet, it's led to constipation due to with holding.

She has taken to asking for a nappy when she wants a poo and I've let her because at the moment the main thing is she poos. Now she is quite private with it and couldn't see her doing what you mention but just another perspective.

I wouldn't consider myself a lazy parent.

I meant the child

All poo smells.
That's why we toilet train small humans not to shit anywhere and everywhere.

I think the same, an embarrassed child wouldn’t have stayed there squatting and straining for a while, she would have gone up to her mum and whispered that she needed a poo.

Sounds like this has become normalised in her home and is probably why she’s not potty trained.

That is really grim. When my dd was 2 I suddenly realised that she was aware before she was about to go so next time I observed I picked her up and ran unto the loo with her. That was it and she never did it in her nappy again. Your friend should have done that years ago.

Exactly.

At age four she's old to know that this is not something we do in front of an audience.

Unfortunately people say 'this is very normal', 'she is only little', unrealistic expectations, but here you have it - some people are swine-like (her mum) and they bring their children to be swines, just like them! This is so awful, I have honestly never heard anything of the sort, and I heard a lot of stories of awful kid behaviour.