To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

[OneAmusedShark]

Best friend came round for lunch today with her (just) 4 year old who my DD and DS absolutely adore.

She’s not toilet trained (nursery age, not yet at school so not judging).

To cut a long story short, she squatted down and started to take a dump in her nappy in our lounge.

It was obvious what was happening as she stunk the place out, and was grunting,
red in the face etc, and my friend asked her “have you finished” on more than one occasion.

Afterwards, my friend took her out to the bathroom to change her.

I didn’t say anything but surely the polite thing to do would have been to
remove the child as soon as it was obvious what was happening? (or even ask her
to take herself to the bathroom if she knows she’s going to fill her nappy!)

The room still stinks! 🤮

Certainly, if you were aware that this was acceptable behaviour in her own home!

I think you’ve missed the point. A untrained baby shits in their nappy (and is often far smellier and gross than formed poo) so how would you stop babies shitting in your house apart from… not let them in?

obviously babies shitting in rooms is acceptable… in all homes

I think people are prepared to put up with this from babies but not older children. This friends has either got very poor judgement or very odd norms if she sees this as normal.

Maybe depends on how far away their bathroom is at home. We only have an upstairs loo so I didn’t try to take DD up there to poo, either when she was in nappies or early potty training. If we had a downstairs loo we might have. In fact I still let her go on the potty in the living room if she needs to go urgently as she can’t get upstairs quickly and I can’t carry her (she does have a disability). I would avoid the living room potty if we had company or were at someone’s house.

I’d sure judge you, and harshly, if you had not had the decency to warn me that this was your idea of ok. Even then, that 4-year old child would want to have had developmental obstacles for any such occurrence to be alright with me.
As it is, you'd be doubly damned, for your rudeness as a guest, and for your approach to childrearing.

Age 4 and still in nappies? Urgh. Sorry but that is disgusting. She should definitely have been taken to the bathroom.

Both mine potty trained at 2, theya re 7 and 4 now. My 4 yr old takes herself off to the loo. Wipes herself and only calls us if needs a poo check (so she's sure she's fully wiped as wiping is new) or to give us a detailed description of her spikey or sticky poo..

My eldest is sen and still while harder potty trained at 2. I just can't imagine a 4 yr old, (without significant sen, my nephew who is autistic with other learning difficulties at 4 was still in a nappy but even then my sister was trying) doing what's described.

My daughter is 3.5 at a large nursery. Her room is pre-school so kids who will be starting school Sept 26. There are at least 30 there. I know of one child with Downs and another SEN child who is non verbal. All use the bathroom. No one is in nappies. So no I don’t think this is normal or acceptable.

The problem is, you can't move a child mid bowel movement (different for a baby obviously) and for those saying it is obvious when a child needs to go, it isn't always obvious. This post was obviously going to turn the way it uas and is quite outing , if wouldnt surprise me if it ends up Facebook..

If there are any issues with constipation (which seems quite likely given your description) then the absolutely last thing you want to be doing is interrupting if they’re about to start / have started.

It’s very much a ‘getting anything out at all is major, getting as much as possible out is vital’.

If you’ve never encountered this, then I can totally see how it seems ridiculous not to whisk her out. If keeping things moving is a major issue for your child then you’ll do pretty much to enable them to finish a bowel movement.

Sorry I do judge. It should only be a tiny minority of children in nappies at 4 and if there’s a legitimate reason why the child isn’t trained the mother should be enforcing good nappy habits but no, in the vast majority of cases it’s not normal for 4 year olds to be in nappies and we shouldn’t be pretending it’s ok

The important word is ‘baby’. This wasn't a baby by any stretch of the imagination!

But on the matter of babies, there was a time (and in recent memory) when nobody would have dreamed of changing a fouled nappy on a café table, yet there are those who stand on their presumed right to inflict that on patrons just as this woman’s mate thought her 4year old noxiously defecating in the middle of lunch was perfectly reasonable and not even worthy explanation or apology.
Maybe OP’s generation were ‘free shitting’ children too, hence this woman’s gobsmacking disregard for everyone else’s comfort. (Probably thinks ‘decorum’ is the name for a very small Roman coin)

I’m having a shit evening and this made me chuckle though my tears, thanks for the laugh ❤️

YABU. I know some children who have, for many different reasons, struggled to do poos on the potty and parents had to resort to allowing nappy wearing for poos. Sometimes, when they are moved, they may stop pooing and then the problem persists.

I also refuse to believe your room stunk for quite some time after, considering the child was removed immediately and the nappy was changed.

An NT child in the situation you describe can tell their parent they need to poo and can go elsewhere to have a pull up put on.

If that’s the case then the parent should keep the child close to home until it’s capable of shitting without making a disgusting public spectacle.

Well said.

My god, I wonder if the child carries on shitting at the dinner table or in a restaurant!!

An age 4 poo is really gross. The child should be at least being taught to go to the bathroom to do it, even in a nappy. Even with SEN unless very severe.
She hasn't got much time before school starts to sort this out.
Yep really gross as age 4 is way too old to be shitting in public.

Child knows they are pooing and not toilet trained, that explains it all, lazy parenting.

Does her daughter suffer from constipation/holding in poo?

My friend's friend's daughter has struggles in this area. She'd never try to move her when she was trying to poo because she'd then immediately stop 🤷‍♀️

I think it's quite unusual for a child not to hide in some way though, even if they're not toilet trained (both of mine used to go behind the sofa to poo).

Anyway, it doesn't sound ideal, but I'd rather deal with the smell than a little kid be uncomfortable. Just open a window and light a candle.

Yeah I think it's quite outing and if the poor kid does have SEN or a medical need (and we don't know- it could easily be constipation) then it is very unpleasant how everyone is piling on. Unfortunately people on mumsnet are obsessed with toilet training!
If it was a friend of mind and their 4 year old wasn't toilet trained I'd assume there was an issue I wasn't aware of so I'd have a bit of compassion. I'd ask for this thread to be taken down OP.

For those who keep banging on that maybe the child suffers from constipation and can’t be moved once they start shitting, then fgs the parents should manage things at home by teaching them the appropriate place to take a shit. If they have some toilet/ potty phobia, teach them to tell their parent or give a signal that they need to shit and the parent can take them to the bathroom to put on a pull up.

a few people still seem to keep missing the point that this is a NT 4 year old! They can speak!

Already have.

See up thread.

This was never meant to be a pile-on about
late toilet training, which can happen for
all sorts of reasons.

It was purely about whether it
would have been unreasonable
for her to have taken DD out when it was obvious what was happening, as I would have done.

That question has been answered
with most people thinking she should have done .

Time to stop the pile on, now, please.

x

Already have.

See up thread.

This was never meant to be a pile-on about
late toilet training, which can happen for
all sorts of reasons.

It was purely about whether it
would have been unreasonable
for her to have taken DD out when it was obvious what was happening, as I would have done.

That question has been answered
with most people thinking she should have done .

Time to stop the pile on, now, please.

x

Apologies, posted without reading the OP's last post re a pile on.

I think you were very restrained OP!