To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

[OneAmusedShark]

Best friend came round for lunch today with her (just) 4 year old who my DD and DS absolutely adore.

She’s not toilet trained (nursery age, not yet at school so not judging).

To cut a long story short, she squatted down and started to take a dump in her nappy in our lounge.

It was obvious what was happening as she stunk the place out, and was grunting,
red in the face etc, and my friend asked her “have you finished” on more than one occasion.

Afterwards, my friend took her out to the bathroom to change her.

I didn’t say anything but surely the polite thing to do would have been to
remove the child as soon as it was obvious what was happening? (or even ask her
to take herself to the bathroom if she knows she’s going to fill her nappy!)

The room still stinks! 🤮

Parents like this need to make their child feel embarrassed if they even think of defecating in somebody's house like this. That will sort them out.

I actually think there are times when a little more judgement is called for, rather than less. Again, assuming no SEN or medical issues, sometimes I think a bit of social pressure/reinforcing the norm is needed when some parents are so totally clueless. Not in a way that embarrasses the child, though.

Of course there are all kinds of medical/SEN exceptions, but there are parents with kids starting school in nappies who would be perfectly capable of being potty trained and actually sometimes a bit of judgement reinforces social norms.

That said, my nephew was still using nappies at that age. He’d developed some kind of fear around it, bordering on a phobia. I think maybe because his parents are extremely germ obsessed but I’m not sure.

It’s the parents who should be embarrassed.

Out of interest, would you judge if they WERE 10? Assuming no SEN obviously.

Yeah I mean I’m sure it hasn’t occurred to her already.

Did he go off somewhere quiet to poo, or just go in front of everyone?

I actually think in this scenario that would be being a good friend.

Whaaaat? It’d be ok for the child to poo in the lounge if not wearing a nappy???

This! Surely a 4 year old would be mortified doing this in front of people. Their shits can be the size of an adult's. School will not be impressed when this giant baby turns up.

Ah sorry yes key difference: he definitely would have gone somewhere private. Actually part of the phobia was he refused to go anywhere other than his own home.

Exactly- people hear a four year old isn't toilet trained and work themselves into a frenzy but surely it's a side issue? And unless you know her medical and SEN history then how do you know why she isn't?

DS wasn't until 3 and a half (the horror!) but used to go and hide himself away.

Aaah, bless him. It is a bit different then, as you say.

I agree with you. The fact that the child was asked, "Have you finished", shows she knows when she is 'going'. Different if she had some sort of disability but op hasn't said that she has. It's seriously weird.

Absolutely grim

Flipping heck!

I wasn’t expecting so many responses or
for it to turn into the usual late toilet trainer bashing.

My question was about whether it would have been reasonable to whisk her out of the room rather than let her carry on and stinking the place out.

Although both my DC trained at “normal” age, DS took longer with transitioning from pooing in a nappy (he was 3 when we cracked it) but once he was “dry” we always insisted that poos happened in the bathroom, whether in a nappy or otherwise!

Even when both DC were toddlers, if I could see a poo
coming, I would pick them up and take them into a loo or bathroom if we were in company.

In a sense I shouldn’t really have mentioned the age, but surely it would have been polite to remove
her to the bathroom once it was obvious what was happening?

Anyway, perhaps time for the mods to close this thread as it has degenerated into yet another debate about toilet training ages, which was not my intention at all.

I was as lentil weavery as they come but JFC a non-potty trained non-SEN child at 4 being allowed to take a long shit in the centre of the sitting room?!

But this ignores the fact that a 4 year old is developmentally at a completely different stage from a 1 or 2 year old. A 2 year old in nappies who isn’t ready for potty training and doesn’t know or can’t say when they’re having a poo - yeah, I get that in that scenario, the parent might not realise until the deed is done (though should then of course take them off straight away to change them.) A 4 year old NT child has a different awareness of environment, those around them etc and should understand there are certain things which are private, and it’s demeaning to them for their parents to be so lazy to allow this sort of situation to happen. It’s really disrespectful to the child. A 4 year old shitting very obviously in front of others is not ok for them

This is disgusting. A 4 year old child with no SN should not be in nappies.
School start is going to be fun. I hope your pal has plenty of free time on her hands as teachers won't change poo accidents and she will be called in

Part of me thinks YANBU at all. But my niece has always had issues with pooing. Shes 10 and still on regular movicol.
At 4 she was still in nappies, didnt poo regularly, and when she did, moving her would have made her stop. So we had to put up with her pooing (in a nappy) wherever we were and then moving her to change her.

I guess if that were the case with your best friend's child though you'd know.

If your husband had to wear nappies would we let this happen?

NO MA'AM I DON'T THINK WE WOULD

I would go far further than you and judge a 4 year old in nappies with no SEN.

Poor child, being failed by her lazy and incompetent Mother.

What do you mean, nothing wrong with a 4 year old pooing in the lounge? What planet are you on?

A 4 year olds is at l last twice the volume and a 4 year old can clearly articulate that she needs to be got to the toilet.

I'm speechless that anyone lets a 4 year old non-SEN child crap in someone's lounge. She's not a bloody puppy!

That’s disgusting.
And in the absence of SEN, I would absolutely judge a parent who hadn’t sorted out their 4 year old’s toileting. If there was some sort of issue meaning a nappy was still needed, then they should at least be taught that having a poo is not something to be done in the middle of a room full of people.