To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

[OneAmusedShark]

Best friend came round for lunch today with her (just) 4 year old who my DD and DS absolutely adore.

She’s not toilet trained (nursery age, not yet at school so not judging).

To cut a long story short, she squatted down and started to take a dump in her nappy in our lounge.

It was obvious what was happening as she stunk the place out, and was grunting,
red in the face etc, and my friend asked her “have you finished” on more than one occasion.

Afterwards, my friend took her out to the bathroom to change her.

I didn’t say anything but surely the polite thing to do would have been to
remove the child as soon as it was obvious what was happening? (or even ask her
to take herself to the bathroom if she knows she’s going to fill her nappy!)

The room still stinks! 🤮

I thought my DS2 was late at a week past his third birthday, although he basically moved into pants straightaway, very easily, but at 4 this is truly awful. What on earth is going on?

It’s very disturbing how the standard of parenting has slipped in the UK.

It’s not normal, for developmentally average child, and 4 isn’t that little. I would definitely had to say something in a kind and non judgmental way.

Yabu, how would you like someone to pick you up and move you while you were mid taking a shit? She removed her and changed her immediately. And the age is irrelevant without knowing the child's individual needs.

i think it’s impossible to separate the two really!

I never whisked a 1 or 2 yo out of the room mid-poo, so in general I wouldn’t expect a child in nappies to be taken to the bathroom to poo. The context for a 4yo is different because of the age and it without knowing if there’s particular reasons the child is still in nappies then it is impossible to judge.

Grim. Is she ever going to bother to do toilet training? The poo cues are often quite blatant, l managed it with twins so l don’t see why she can’t.

Especially grim the room still stinks of poo.

My Dd would also scream the place down and thrash and cry hysterically if anyone tried to move her when she was pooing. She was out of nappies at 18 months, however I do remember her pooing in her knickers a little after that and trying to move her out of her corner caused such hysteria it was quite traumatic- I remember my harsh-as-hell 1980s parenting mum begging me to leave her where she was.

so the behaviour makes perfect sense, sounds like a sign she is ready to be potty trained tbh.

Don’t know what to say about the lack of potty training really, it seems daft to go on about how once removed total stranger is a crap parent.

it def doesn’t smell hours later though 😂

Your friend is utterly uncouth.
No excuse for not taking her child to the loo.
I would absolutely judge her.

is it the age? As I doubt Id pick up a toddler mid poo! But that’s me mixing with other toddler mums. Is the mum just not trying to toilet train or what’s the isshw/what’s going on?

There's a huge difference between a two year old and four year old!

I agree, that's disgusting, OP. Most children start developing a sense of privacy about going to the toilet around two or three. I still remember my younger (SEN) brother used to hide behind the TV when he needed to go.

This. Spot on

I personally think this is very judgemental of you. I would hate a friend to judge me like this. There could be a multitude of underlying reasons of which you know nothing about. Regardless, you are her friend (apparently), and friends support each other, they don't post on mumsnet about a minor incident.

Someone shitting in my lounge is farfrom a “minor issue.”

What have the educational needs of kids got to do with this? This isn't a school.

Barring developmental delays, medical issues or neurodiversity issues which cause issues with continence, the child should be toilet trained by now. But SEN is irrelevant in a non educational setting.

Exactly. The low standards exhibited here are mind boggling.

Four years is far too old to squat and shit in public.

Oh come on it was in a nappy 😂😂

I don’t care if it was a hermetically sealed space suit. Don’t shit in my lounge.

It's lazy parenting. I had all 3 of mine toilet trained day and night by 2.5 years. We were effectively house bound for a good week to get there but you get what effort you put in. I used to run a village playgroup and all the children who started (2 years 9 months was the minimum age they could start) were potty trained. It's horrifying that any child of 4(without SEN) is in a nappy. And I'd really judge your friend for it.

Eh? How would you stop a baby shitting in your “lounge”- just refuse to let them in?

It’s important to teach all children (even those with SEND) that pooing is something you do in private for a whole host of societal and safeguarding reasons. Preserving a child’s dignity even at four is important too.

The ‘baby’ is 4!

Good god! 4 and in a nappy to poo? Couldn’t the mum have whisked the child to the toilet? How embarrassing and lazy. YANBU at all.

Since it's apparently traumatising for a child to be picked up and moved mid-poo maybe they should all be fitted with castors till they're talented enough to take themselves off to the loo. You could wheel them out gently whilst they're bug-eyed and straining and everyone's happy.

Yeah, we get it. The fucking kid only 4
4.

That friend wants to give her head a damn great wobble, not having warned you that this child is so very poorly advanced for her age.
This may well be how mealtimes are chez elle, but to expect someone else to accept this behaviour in their own home, where she is a bloody guest, is just outrageous.
An average child of four ought to be long out of nappies by now. This attitude of allowing your children to dictate matters absolutely revolts me. And not just because of horrible happenings like this.
It never happens in a void, strictly contained within the child’s family.
It will disrupt and slow down her classmates at school, and it very obviously spills out (😳) into the lives of strangers who surely don't expect small children like this to behave like two-year olds.
Not the kids’ fault of course, but my God where does this parenting ethos come from, and who benefits? Surely it can’t be the coddled kids.
You'd fear for a future society whose 25-year olds were still in nappies, and ‘free pooing’, at the age of four.

gawd I need a Valium after this!

Yeah- 18 months old or a little older.

If a 4 year old can’t be ushered out of the room when they very obviously start shitting without them thrashing, screaming and being hysterical, then that’s equally as much of a problem as the fact theyre still in nappies.

4 year old NT child. Same age as kids in school.

I can’t fathom the lack of respect for their own children’s dignity that some parents clearly have. It’s lazy and neglectful to allow your child to normalise this.